_

Barry Crimmins

words to live near

instagram

CrimQuips

Quips & Comments 4-18-01 Wednesday, April 18, 2001

Hope to see you all at the NarcoNews benefit tonight! Barry

The Court-appointed Bush administration is upholding new regulations requiring thousands more businesses to report their releases of toxic lead into the environment. This is a bit of a surprise since legend has it that lead was one of W's favorite childhood snacks.

In celebration of the electoral victory for the forces that claimed retaining the Confederate battle emblem on the Mississippi state flag was a matter of "heritage not hate," the state's tourist bureau has launched plans to restore many of the state's quaint customs including an old-time crowd-pleaser, which is now spun thusly :

"Lynching -- participatory democracy, not racist vigilantism."

NAFTA's lower environmental standards aren't all bad. Had Mexico's former standards been in place it would have never permitted Jesse Helms to visit and pollute its air with toxic bluster.

A Florida jury convicted Harry "Taco" Bowman, leader of the Outlaws motorcycle gang, was convicted Tuesday of ordering the slayings of snitches and rival gang members. This leaves the state's other most vicious criminal organization, the Bush Family, with a veritably unhampered path on which to commit whatever atrocities it chooses.

Many Kodak employees will soon be "remembering the moments of their lives" when they were gainfully employed at a living wage as New York State's worst corporate polluter did its part to help tighten the Bush economy's death spiral by laying off 3,500.

Germany has set up a hotline to encourage neo-Nazis to reform and join a new program that offers incentives that could include financial aid, a cleansed criminal record and new identities. Critics say that the measures are unnecessary since any neo-Nazi worth his salt will now be moving to Mississippi where rabid bigotry isn't simply tolerated, but given a place of honor on the state flag.

The chief Teamsters Union official in Hollywood suggested his members will continue working if the Writers Guild strikes saying, "If it comes down to it, my members come first," In truth the only thing that "comes first" with the Teamsters is their scummy leadership, ever-at-the -ready to stand in solidarity with its own sordid well-being and nothing else.

Aaron Sorkin, creator of the Emmy-winning fantasy "The West Wing," was freed on bail after being arrested for investigation of possessing illegal hallucinogenic mushrooms. This could explain how Sorkin conjured up his vision of a White House that is peppered with idealists, fighting good battles.

In its largest-ever recall of cigarette lighters, the United States government says some 13 million disposable lighters are unsafe and must be returned to its manufacturer, Gladstrong Investments USA. The recall will just be the beginning of Gladstrong's troubles as it will then have to find some way to dispose of the damned things.

Benin Authorities boarded a ship suspected of carrying child slaves  but found no sign of such children raising worries that the ship had already unloaded its human cargo at an earlier stop in Mississippi.

updated: 17 years ago