An angry audience member asked, "If you don't love this country, why don't you get out?"

Barry replied, "Because I don't want to be victimized by its foreign policy."

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I'm a proponent of gun control. For those of you in the National Rifle Association, "proponent" means I'm in favor of gun control.

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If guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns. Fine - - part of their job.

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Actual statement heard on talk radio: "I'm sick and tired of turning on the television and seeing all those lesbians that want abortions."

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The Pentagon's so greedy it has an extra side on its building.

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Martin Luther King Day is my favorite holiday for two reasons:

1- it honors a great person

2- it annoys bigots to no end

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Marijuana is a very dangerous drug. Some people smoke it just once and go directly into politics.

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There's a nickel's worth of difference between Democrats and Republicans. If you put a nickel on the table, a Democrat will steal it from you.. and a Republican will kill you for it.

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Actual exchange between Barry and another American in a bar in Managua, Nicaragua in 1988:

American: Walk around these streets and tell me how these people can live this way.

Barry: I'm pretty sure it's because we have most of their stuff.

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I'm opposed to nuclear power. I hate it when it takes 200,000 years to put out the garbage

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They aren't "Nuclear Power Plants." They're "Nuclear Waste Production Facilities."

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He isn't "President George W. Bush", he's "Court-appointed President George W. Bush."

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The Drug War- where Jim Crow meets Joe McCarthy.

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Has anyone noticed how the more bag men there are, the more bag ladies there are?

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To its everlasting shame, America would rather create veterans than care for them.

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The environment is screwed up but you can still have fun. I'm going brown-water rafting this summer.

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The New Right is the Old Wrong.

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Barry explains that his hometown's name "Skaneateles" is an Indian word that means "beautiful lake surrounded by fascists."

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When Barry mentioned that he had done several AIDS benefits some of his old hometown acquaintances pulled him aside and asked, "You're not a queer are you?"

Barry replied, "I'm whatever threatens you. I'm a Communist with AIDS and I bite!"

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Richard Nixon is like herpes -- just when you think he's gone, he flares up again.

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Ronald Reagan: "I will not negotiate with terrorists-either they take the weapons or they don't. These prices are firm!"

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The USA has moved so far to the right that the next New Hampshire Primary will be held in the Atlantic Ocean.

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I don't like Florida, I have a problem with any state where the electric chair only goes to 'medium high."

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There's a "struggle for the soul of the Republican Party?" What are they using? Tweezers and an electron microscope?

1975-2002 Barry Crimmins