CrimQuips
Quips & Comments 4-24-02 Wednesday, April 24, 2002
by Barry Crimmins
http://www.barrycrimmins.com
White House counselor Karen Hughes has resigned but said she'd continue to"defend the president." The move makes sense -- sooner or later Bush is going to need a defense counselor.
Hughes was a member of "Bush's inner circle," so-called because "Bush's puppeteers" doesn't sound good in the media.
Only George W. Bush could actually be diminished by the loss of the intellectual input of someone as vapid as Karen Hughes. The only thing scarier than Bush abandoning the script is Hughes trying to explain his ad-libs.
Karen Hughes resignation signals the end of a golden era in Texas when both she and Kay Bailey Hutchison were out of the state.
It gets worse, soon they'll have Phil Gramm back as well.
With Gramm and Hughes leaving town, Washington's loss will be Texas', uh, loss.
When Bush gets sent home (and the sooner the better) we may witness the first time an entire state requests an assisted suicide.
Give Al Gore credit, it took him some time but he's finally taking the campaign to Bush.
In an Earth Day speech, Gore pointed out that Bush's so-called 'clean skies' initiative actually allows more toxic mercury, nitrogen oxide and sulfur pollution into the atmosphere. And that doesn't even include the noxious gases emitted from Trent Lout.
Court-appointed President Bush visited the Adirondacks on Earth Day, where during the past week there has been a heat wave, torrential rains, an earthquake and finally, while he was there, a blinding snowstorm -- not to mention an unelected president.
Bush is the first president so environmentally unfriendly that entire mountain ranges refuse to appear in photo-ops with him.
The Adirondack Chamber of Commerce asked W to keep his stay short because they feared if he hung around and kept lying about the environment he'd be presiding over a grand opening of a new Bowels of Hell theme park.
Although Dubyahoo presiding over the ribbon-cutting at the opening of the Bowels of Hell would be kind of perfect.
Six Plagues Over New York!
Come to think of it, wasn't Inauguration Day 2001 the grand opening of the Bowels of Hell?
OK, it wasn't so grand but nobody can deny the Bowels of Hell part -- particularly when they look at that Cabinet.
Republicans are considering supporting a mail-in ballot for the 2004 presidential election. Coincidentally, should Katherine Harris lose her bid for Congress (and she really, really should), she's said to be in line for the postmaster general job.
***
Signaling a new Catholic building drive, Pope John Paul II has said there is no room for pedophilia in the church. It's nice to see the Catholic Church has finally found a solution to its pedophile priest problem- blame it on homosexuals.
***
Feeling cheated because Ariel Sharon has been getting all the bad publicity lately, Palistinean vigilantes bound, gagged and executed three suspected Israeli collaborators. Then, in case that wasn't enough to alienate world opinion, one of the corpses was hung from a electricity pylon.
Now Sharon has an excuse to come in and kill more Palestinians to protect them from further vigilante atrocities.
***
The same week the US military accidentally killed Canadian troops in Afghanistan, Detroit hockey fans booed the Canadian national anthem. Can you imagine the bloodcurdling screams we'd be hearing had the reverse happened? People would be calling for at least an air strike on the arena where the anthem was booed, if not the outright leveling of Toronto. Americans brag about what a great country this is and celebrate themselves at every opportunity for being a moral and principled people. Then, when Americans recklessly kill their own allies, rather than show special respect, they jeer them. What an embarrassment it is to be an American.
***
Today's classic quip comes from last May: Actor Robert Blake has beaten the odds and managed to get arrested in Hollywood.
***
SLIMEWATCH is a new, occasional feature of the Quips section. It will feature reactionary individuals and organizations whose suckiness thus far may have eluded you.
Today's Slime: South Carolina Attorney General Charles Condon
It would be hard to find an attorney general worse than John Ashcroft but if anyone can manage limbo beneath the Kaiser, it's South Carolina's Charles Condon. Condon has made it his, and the state's, business to bust unions and intimidate union members -- particularly African-American union members.
Almost the entire membership of Local 1422 of the International Longshoremens Association is made up of people whose ancestors might well have been bought and sold on the docks of Charleston. Last year the union took on a Danish shipping firm that tried to use non-union labor on those docks.
Local police permitted 1422's picket lines protesting the incursion on previously unchallenged union domain. An enraged Condon ordered state police to forcibly escort the scabs onto the docks. Union chief Ken Riley, who had come to the picket to help keep peace, was roughed up by a cop. After his assault, a serious confrontation broke out. Several union members were arrested.
A local judge dismissed all the charges against 1422's members as a result of the fracas. An even more enraged Condon convened a grand jury so that he could file state charges. The railroading of union longshoremen Jason Edgerton, Elijah Ford Jr., Kenneth Jefferson, Ricky Simmons and Peter Washington (four of five are African-American) was scheduled for trial in September. Fortunately union and activist solidarity brought so much pressure to bear on the Original Slave State that even Condon realized that pursuing the case was, at least for now, futile.
In the interim, Cheesy Charlie is running for governor and promising, if elected, to rid South Carolina of labor unions. If he succeeds, it will be come the first "No rights to workers" state.
Condon has sounded the call to arms for the good ol' boys to make a stand against a group of primarily African-American workers who have had the nerve to fight to continue to be paid a living wage for essential labor. To paraphrase the popular sentiment among Local 1422's membership: Condon wishes it was still the days when African-Americans were cargo rather than the fairly-compensated movers of cargo.
Just when we thought Strom Thurmond was taking the Stars and Bars into retirement, Charles Condon shows up. Keep an eye on this slimebag.
2002 Barry Crimmins
http://www.barrycrimmins.com
White House counselor Karen Hughes has resigned but said she'd continue to"defend the president." The move makes sense -- sooner or later Bush is going to need a defense counselor.
Hughes was a member of "Bush's inner circle," so-called because "Bush's puppeteers" doesn't sound good in the media.
Only George W. Bush could actually be diminished by the loss of the intellectual input of someone as vapid as Karen Hughes. The only thing scarier than Bush abandoning the script is Hughes trying to explain his ad-libs.
Karen Hughes resignation signals the end of a golden era in Texas when both she and Kay Bailey Hutchison were out of the state.
It gets worse, soon they'll have Phil Gramm back as well.
With Gramm and Hughes leaving town, Washington's loss will be Texas', uh, loss.
When Bush gets sent home (and the sooner the better) we may witness the first time an entire state requests an assisted suicide.
Give Al Gore credit, it took him some time but he's finally taking the campaign to Bush.
In an Earth Day speech, Gore pointed out that Bush's so-called 'clean skies' initiative actually allows more toxic mercury, nitrogen oxide and sulfur pollution into the atmosphere. And that doesn't even include the noxious gases emitted from Trent Lout.
Court-appointed President Bush visited the Adirondacks on Earth Day, where during the past week there has been a heat wave, torrential rains, an earthquake and finally, while he was there, a blinding snowstorm -- not to mention an unelected president.
Bush is the first president so environmentally unfriendly that entire mountain ranges refuse to appear in photo-ops with him.
The Adirondack Chamber of Commerce asked W to keep his stay short because they feared if he hung around and kept lying about the environment he'd be presiding over a grand opening of a new Bowels of Hell theme park.
Although Dubyahoo presiding over the ribbon-cutting at the opening of the Bowels of Hell would be kind of perfect.
Six Plagues Over New York!
Come to think of it, wasn't Inauguration Day 2001 the grand opening of the Bowels of Hell?
OK, it wasn't so grand but nobody can deny the Bowels of Hell part -- particularly when they look at that Cabinet.
Republicans are considering supporting a mail-in ballot for the 2004 presidential election. Coincidentally, should Katherine Harris lose her bid for Congress (and she really, really should), she's said to be in line for the postmaster general job.
***
Signaling a new Catholic building drive, Pope John Paul II has said there is no room for pedophilia in the church. It's nice to see the Catholic Church has finally found a solution to its pedophile priest problem- blame it on homosexuals.
***
Feeling cheated because Ariel Sharon has been getting all the bad publicity lately, Palistinean vigilantes bound, gagged and executed three suspected Israeli collaborators. Then, in case that wasn't enough to alienate world opinion, one of the corpses was hung from a electricity pylon.
Now Sharon has an excuse to come in and kill more Palestinians to protect them from further vigilante atrocities.
***
The same week the US military accidentally killed Canadian troops in Afghanistan, Detroit hockey fans booed the Canadian national anthem. Can you imagine the bloodcurdling screams we'd be hearing had the reverse happened? People would be calling for at least an air strike on the arena where the anthem was booed, if not the outright leveling of Toronto. Americans brag about what a great country this is and celebrate themselves at every opportunity for being a moral and principled people. Then, when Americans recklessly kill their own allies, rather than show special respect, they jeer them. What an embarrassment it is to be an American.
***
Today's classic quip comes from last May: Actor Robert Blake has beaten the odds and managed to get arrested in Hollywood.
***
SLIMEWATCH is a new, occasional feature of the Quips section. It will feature reactionary individuals and organizations whose suckiness thus far may have eluded you.
Today's Slime: South Carolina Attorney General Charles Condon
It would be hard to find an attorney general worse than John Ashcroft but if anyone can manage limbo beneath the Kaiser, it's South Carolina's Charles Condon. Condon has made it his, and the state's, business to bust unions and intimidate union members -- particularly African-American union members.
Almost the entire membership of Local 1422 of the International Longshoremens Association is made up of people whose ancestors might well have been bought and sold on the docks of Charleston. Last year the union took on a Danish shipping firm that tried to use non-union labor on those docks.
Local police permitted 1422's picket lines protesting the incursion on previously unchallenged union domain. An enraged Condon ordered state police to forcibly escort the scabs onto the docks. Union chief Ken Riley, who had come to the picket to help keep peace, was roughed up by a cop. After his assault, a serious confrontation broke out. Several union members were arrested.
A local judge dismissed all the charges against 1422's members as a result of the fracas. An even more enraged Condon convened a grand jury so that he could file state charges. The railroading of union longshoremen Jason Edgerton, Elijah Ford Jr., Kenneth Jefferson, Ricky Simmons and Peter Washington (four of five are African-American) was scheduled for trial in September. Fortunately union and activist solidarity brought so much pressure to bear on the Original Slave State that even Condon realized that pursuing the case was, at least for now, futile.
In the interim, Cheesy Charlie is running for governor and promising, if elected, to rid South Carolina of labor unions. If he succeeds, it will be come the first "No rights to workers" state.
Condon has sounded the call to arms for the good ol' boys to make a stand against a group of primarily African-American workers who have had the nerve to fight to continue to be paid a living wage for essential labor. To paraphrase the popular sentiment among Local 1422's membership: Condon wishes it was still the days when African-Americans were cargo rather than the fairly-compensated movers of cargo.
Just when we thought Strom Thurmond was taking the Stars and Bars into retirement, Charles Condon shows up. Keep an eye on this slimebag.
2002 Barry Crimmins