CrimQuips
CrimQuips 4-26-02 Friday, April 26, 2002
by Barry Crimmins
http://www.barrycrimmins.com
First Dick Cheney, James Baker and Donald Rumsfeld return and now whooping cough makes a comeback. I thought things were supposed to happen in threes.
With the Court-appointed Bush Administration only sixes come in threes.
Actually, with Disadmirable Poindexter, John Negroponte, Elliot Abrams and so many more, the number of recycled demons in the Court-appointed Bush Administration probably exceeds 666.
Even those of us opposed to the death penalty should count our blessings that Timothy McVeigh was executed. Had he lived, he'd have probably been sanitized and given a post with Homeland Security by now.
National Rifle (and hand gun, automatic weapon, artillery and personal nuclear device) Association VP Wayne LaPierre told the organization's convention that the NRA is responsible for W being president. He's right. Without the looming menace of all those gun nuts, many Americans would have been more likely to have taken to the streets to demand that the winner of the election serve as president.
Of course that kind of thing can't happen here -- this isn't Venezuela.
The NRA understands an ancient truth -- majorities mean nothing to firepower.
All potential NRA members should be shot before they can join. If they still insist on signing up, you'll know they sustained a head wound.
Addressing the NRA was Senator Zell Miller (purported Democrat- Ga) who claimed that Al Gore's stance on gun control cost him several key states like Arkansas, West Virginia and Tennessee. Gun control helped Gore in New York, Connecticut, New Jersey, Illinois, Michigan and California, to name a few, but they aren't key.
It's just that kind of convoluted thinking that allows Zell Miller to consider himself a Democrat in the first place.
Aren't double agents supposed to be a tad subtler than Miller?
Talk about getting caught with a smoking gun.
So the Democrats should have their 2004 candidate join a militia and campaign in camouflage, eh, Zell?
Why not a serious voter registration drive for African-Americans throughout the states that supposedly can be won by a few thousand gun zealots? Zell will tell you why -- because that would result in a Georgia Democratic Party that would never stoop to running a cretin like Zell Miller.
There would have been a larger attendance at the Reno, Nevada NRA convention but several members accidentally went to Harrah's Casino in Laughlin, Nevada where they engaged in a deadly shootout and didn't make it out of jail or the morgue in time to get to hear Charlton Heston's speech.
So Bush lost several key votes in Laughlin.
Considering how Dubyahoo betrayed Nevada with his broken promise over the proposed Yucca Mountain nuke dump, NRA members probably needed all their firepower just to get out of the state alive.
Now that Bush's plans to attack Iraq has been leaked, one thing is clear: this guy won't be happy until he has more Americans at war than voted for him.
Well it could be worse, Gore could be president and pursuing the same policy -- putting even more Americans in combat.
Bush's Iraq plan would help ensure the Middle East remains violent and unstable just in case the unthinkable happens and peace breaks out on the West Bank.
A Court-appointed Bush Administration official says a coup to remove President Saddam Hussein from Iraq has been ruled out because"It's a horrific police state. Nobody trusts anyone, so how can you pull off a coup? John Ashcroft has used it as a model to set up our police state so we know its impenetrable to overthrow attempts."
If only Florida were in Iraq -- now that would provide an opening for a coup the Court-appointed Bush Administration could exploit.
Everyone knows it much easier to attempt coups versus democracies, which is why the US took its shot in Venezuela a few weeks ago.
The official went on to say that any invasion of Iraq, "wouldn't be until this fall, when we could frame any support for Democrats as disloyalty to our troops."
Katherine Harris is already planning a USO tour that brings several pre-marked and pre-counted absentee ballots to each of our soldiers serving in the Iraq invasion.
The Court-appointed Bush Administration is planning to cut $1.3 billion from the federal student loan program. This is a two-pronged maneuver: it frees up funds for further deficit spending by the Pentagon while helping to promote public ignorance necessary to allow such stupidity to take place.
Once and for all disproving the axiom that "you can't bullshit a bullshitter," it's now clear thatJoseph A. Cafasso, a FOX NEWS on-air military expert who was supposedly a Silver Star-decorated retired Special Forces lieutenant colonel, was actually an imposter whose entire military service encompassed 44 days in boot camp in 1976.
Now that Cafasso has been exposed it would behoove FOX to begin to check the credentials of all those people they have posing as journalists.
The New York Times has finally swallowed its pride and reported that it now seems that Hugo Chavez' troops may have been firing at the people who were firing into a crowd of anti-Chavez protesters, rather than at the protesters as the paper had reported while cheerleading for the Venezuelan coup earlier this month. At this rate, the Times' crack Latin American desk should soon be breaking word that perhaps the wrong people were implicated in the sinking of the Maine.
2002 Barry Crimmins
http://www.barrycrimmins.com
First Dick Cheney, James Baker and Donald Rumsfeld return and now whooping cough makes a comeback. I thought things were supposed to happen in threes.
With the Court-appointed Bush Administration only sixes come in threes.
Actually, with Disadmirable Poindexter, John Negroponte, Elliot Abrams and so many more, the number of recycled demons in the Court-appointed Bush Administration probably exceeds 666.
Even those of us opposed to the death penalty should count our blessings that Timothy McVeigh was executed. Had he lived, he'd have probably been sanitized and given a post with Homeland Security by now.
National Rifle (and hand gun, automatic weapon, artillery and personal nuclear device) Association VP Wayne LaPierre told the organization's convention that the NRA is responsible for W being president. He's right. Without the looming menace of all those gun nuts, many Americans would have been more likely to have taken to the streets to demand that the winner of the election serve as president.
Of course that kind of thing can't happen here -- this isn't Venezuela.
The NRA understands an ancient truth -- majorities mean nothing to firepower.
All potential NRA members should be shot before they can join. If they still insist on signing up, you'll know they sustained a head wound.
Addressing the NRA was Senator Zell Miller (purported Democrat- Ga) who claimed that Al Gore's stance on gun control cost him several key states like Arkansas, West Virginia and Tennessee. Gun control helped Gore in New York, Connecticut, New Jersey, Illinois, Michigan and California, to name a few, but they aren't key.
It's just that kind of convoluted thinking that allows Zell Miller to consider himself a Democrat in the first place.
Aren't double agents supposed to be a tad subtler than Miller?
Talk about getting caught with a smoking gun.
So the Democrats should have their 2004 candidate join a militia and campaign in camouflage, eh, Zell?
Why not a serious voter registration drive for African-Americans throughout the states that supposedly can be won by a few thousand gun zealots? Zell will tell you why -- because that would result in a Georgia Democratic Party that would never stoop to running a cretin like Zell Miller.
There would have been a larger attendance at the Reno, Nevada NRA convention but several members accidentally went to Harrah's Casino in Laughlin, Nevada where they engaged in a deadly shootout and didn't make it out of jail or the morgue in time to get to hear Charlton Heston's speech.
So Bush lost several key votes in Laughlin.
Considering how Dubyahoo betrayed Nevada with his broken promise over the proposed Yucca Mountain nuke dump, NRA members probably needed all their firepower just to get out of the state alive.
Now that Bush's plans to attack Iraq has been leaked, one thing is clear: this guy won't be happy until he has more Americans at war than voted for him.
Well it could be worse, Gore could be president and pursuing the same policy -- putting even more Americans in combat.
Bush's Iraq plan would help ensure the Middle East remains violent and unstable just in case the unthinkable happens and peace breaks out on the West Bank.
A Court-appointed Bush Administration official says a coup to remove President Saddam Hussein from Iraq has been ruled out because"It's a horrific police state. Nobody trusts anyone, so how can you pull off a coup? John Ashcroft has used it as a model to set up our police state so we know its impenetrable to overthrow attempts."
If only Florida were in Iraq -- now that would provide an opening for a coup the Court-appointed Bush Administration could exploit.
Everyone knows it much easier to attempt coups versus democracies, which is why the US took its shot in Venezuela a few weeks ago.
The official went on to say that any invasion of Iraq, "wouldn't be until this fall, when we could frame any support for Democrats as disloyalty to our troops."
Katherine Harris is already planning a USO tour that brings several pre-marked and pre-counted absentee ballots to each of our soldiers serving in the Iraq invasion.
The Court-appointed Bush Administration is planning to cut $1.3 billion from the federal student loan program. This is a two-pronged maneuver: it frees up funds for further deficit spending by the Pentagon while helping to promote public ignorance necessary to allow such stupidity to take place.
Once and for all disproving the axiom that "you can't bullshit a bullshitter," it's now clear thatJoseph A. Cafasso, a FOX NEWS on-air military expert who was supposedly a Silver Star-decorated retired Special Forces lieutenant colonel, was actually an imposter whose entire military service encompassed 44 days in boot camp in 1976.
Now that Cafasso has been exposed it would behoove FOX to begin to check the credentials of all those people they have posing as journalists.
The New York Times has finally swallowed its pride and reported that it now seems that Hugo Chavez' troops may have been firing at the people who were firing into a crowd of anti-Chavez protesters, rather than at the protesters as the paper had reported while cheerleading for the Venezuelan coup earlier this month. At this rate, the Times' crack Latin American desk should soon be breaking word that perhaps the wrong people were implicated in the sinking of the Maine.
2002 Barry Crimmins