CrimQuips
CrimQuips 1/28/03 Tuesday, January 28, 2003
Commentary by Barry Crimmins
http://www.barrycrimmins.com
Winter has been so obscene here in the rural reaches of upstate New York that the local cable companies recently moved the Weather Channel to pay-per-view.
It's one of those winters where a warming trend means just one thing -- snow.
It hit 20 degrees (fahrenheit) Sunday, which translated to about six inches of warmth.
If you think I'm complaining too much about the weather, walk a mile in my snowshoes.
I use the term "walk" loosely. Lloyd the Dog and I used to go out for walks, now we go for trudges.
It hasn't been all bad, area night-life improved for several days while Toronto passed by on the glacier.
It could be a lot worse, I could be in Iraq and local forecast could be calling for a hurricane of fire caused by a cold affront that developed in the west.
As if January hasn't been brutal enough, we get to see it off by listening to the reactionary rationales and obvious obfuscations of the jingoistic jag-off in his State of the Union address.
Bush will employ all the moral authority of an AWOL hawk as he explains why the USA must boldly move forth to massacre thousands of peasants.
Bush loves events like the State of the Union because protocol insists we behave as if he is some sort of legitimate figure.
Face the facts -
without pomp and circumstance to fluff him up, W would be about as imposing as Montgomery Burns at a nudist colony.
Due to a work stoppage by White House fiction writers, Bush won't be divulging any newevidence against Iraq in the State of the Union address.
The dispute, of course, is over overtime. Some want to privatize their work and simply get paid for what they produce. One senior Bush fiction writer said, "If we had a nickel for every lie we've fabricated for George W. Bush, the Republican National Committee wouldn't have enough money to hold its 2004 convention at a Holiday Inn function room."
Waiting for Bush to make this speech is like sitting around all day waiting for a really bad high school assembly to begin. You know the principal is going to spew the same old crap -- except for the new stuff he adds that makes the old stuff worse.
Here is the corporate media coverage yesterday's UN inspector reports in a nutshell:
BLIX SAYS IRAQIS NOT COMPLIANT (enough) - and oh yeah, some other guy happened to mention that there's no evidence of nukes.
BUT BLIX SEEMED REALLY MAD SO IT LOOKS LIKE THE WAR BETTER START PRETTY SOON.
And on the broadcast news networks the subtext for the Blix story is simple:
YAHOOO!! A WAR DURING CRUCIAL FEBRUARY RATINGS SWEEPS! I'm sure the network news suits have figured a corpse to ratings point ratio.
Squawking too loudly about UN inspection chief Hans Blix's report could set a dangerous precedent for Bush-- especially since he unilaterally withdrew from a 1972 treaty which allowed international inspectors to examine US facilities capable of producing biological weapons. After Bush "cleanses" Iraq the world might turn its focus on the USA and demand it also comply with sane international mandates.
Of course it would be embarrassing for Bush if international inspectors found records that indicated there would be even more such weapons in the USA had they not shipped them to Hussein and an array of thugs around the globe.
Pakistan has chemical weapons and its government is not stable. A US attack on Iraq could anger Pakistanis and provoke a shift of power to hard-line fundamentalists. Believe me, those peoplewouldn't take time to blink while considering whether or not to employ such weaponry.
And India, sworn enemy of Pakistan, is right next door sitting on a very similar stockpile of chemical and biological weapons. And oh yeah, both nations, unlike Hussein, have nuclear weapons. So the destabilization of the region by insisting on war with Iraq does have its downside but what's a little nuclear conflagration when George W, Bush's puny manhood is at stake?
Operation Awe & Shock is the name US plan to massively assault Iraq.It will kill thousands and thousands of people. The desired goal is to to awe and shock Iraqi innocents the way American innocents were awed and shocked on 9/11. Fortunately America is inherently noble or this could make it look pretty bad.
"When we feel strongly about something, we will lead, we will act, even if others are not prepared to join us."
-SECRETARY OF STATE COLIN L. POWELL.
What Powell meant to say is "when my bosses order me to do something I will abandon my conscience and good sense and collaborate my ass off with scum so that it can commit mass murder and loot natural resources.
Colin Powell says inspections have done all they can and since they can't be used as an alibi for commencing carnage, they are useless to warmongering toadies like him.
Bush is so convinced that Saddam Hussein has weapons of mass destruction that W. won't rest until he forces Hussein into using them.
I heard this one on CNN:the reason the USA plans to seize Iraqi oil fields is because oil money will be needed to fund rebuilding the country American violence is about to destroy. Considering the amount of centrifugal force required to spin such stories it's a wonder that network anchors don't pass out from motion sickness.
FOX- News reporters train at NASA facilities so they can adapt to the unbelievable G- forces they'll have to withstand in their work as Bush apologists.
They might as well deliver the news from atilt-a-whirl.
And how about the recent demonixation of France and Germany? Imagine people so immoral that they don't want to join in the wholesale massacre of Iraqi peasants. Some countries just don't have the moral fiber that is so indigenous to the USA.
Only in the America could France and Germany uniting in support of a peaceful cause be considered bad news.
And by the way it took the right-wing press a year to co-opt and misuse a term I coined after last year's SUA inanity:
Axis of Weasels
http://www.barrycrimmins.com/Weasels.html
Now that Bush has been caught covering up Chinese-made boxes with fake Made in America labels, how much less believable is his claim that weapons of mass destruction have been: Made in Iraq."
And when will we smarten up and peel the label off our economic demise to read the "Made in China" label?
Globalization: Weapon of Masses Destruction.
I'm betting Bush bought his boxes at Wal-Mart.
On Sunday the Corning Leader (an upstate New York newspaper) printed three special sections on the dreadful local economy. It spoke of factory layoffs and the failure of a lot of small retail stores. Then, in a different section about homes, a story trumpeted the delightful news that it's easy to inexpensively furnish your house by shopping at places like Wal-Mart (and with the demise of K-Mart and Ames "places like Wal-Mart" means Wal-Mart in Corning). Those purported Wal-Mart bargains come at the expense of jobs lost in local plants and they mean the demise of mom & pop stores on Main Street -- but who cares? Decorating on-a-budget is what matters here. We are Americans and we need new stuff, all the time. And who cares if the more we endorse the exploitation of starvation-wage slaves in China by shopping at Wal-Mart, the sooner none of us will own homes to decorate?
Check out
mediawhoresonline for a good piece on why it's time reports of Bush's invincibility have been greatly exaggerated.Remember, his father had approval ratings during the Gulf War that seemed insurmountable and he got trounced in the 1992 election. W hasn't even started his full-blown assault on Iraq yet and he has lost 30 to 40 points in the polls but they keep telling us how damned popular the guy is.
Why don't we just get it over and attack Eurasia?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Please click to sign up for the e-mail version of :CrimQuips List.
© 2003 Barry Crimmins
*******
http://www.barrycrimmins.com
Winter has been so obscene here in the rural reaches of upstate New York that the local cable companies recently moved the Weather Channel to pay-per-view.
It's one of those winters where a warming trend means just one thing -- snow.
It hit 20 degrees (fahrenheit) Sunday, which translated to about six inches of warmth.
If you think I'm complaining too much about the weather, walk a mile in my snowshoes.
I use the term "walk" loosely. Lloyd the Dog and I used to go out for walks, now we go for trudges.
It hasn't been all bad, area night-life improved for several days while Toronto passed by on the glacier.
It could be a lot worse, I could be in Iraq and local forecast could be calling for a hurricane of fire caused by a cold affront that developed in the west.
As if January hasn't been brutal enough, we get to see it off by listening to the reactionary rationales and obvious obfuscations of the jingoistic jag-off in his State of the Union address.
Bush will employ all the moral authority of an AWOL hawk as he explains why the USA must boldly move forth to massacre thousands of peasants.
Bush loves events like the State of the Union because protocol insists we behave as if he is some sort of legitimate figure.
Face the facts -
without pomp and circumstance to fluff him up, W would be about as imposing as Montgomery Burns at a nudist colony.
Due to a work stoppage by White House fiction writers, Bush won't be divulging any newevidence against Iraq in the State of the Union address.
The dispute, of course, is over overtime. Some want to privatize their work and simply get paid for what they produce. One senior Bush fiction writer said, "If we had a nickel for every lie we've fabricated for George W. Bush, the Republican National Committee wouldn't have enough money to hold its 2004 convention at a Holiday Inn function room."
Waiting for Bush to make this speech is like sitting around all day waiting for a really bad high school assembly to begin. You know the principal is going to spew the same old crap -- except for the new stuff he adds that makes the old stuff worse.
Here is the corporate media coverage yesterday's UN inspector reports in a nutshell:
BLIX SAYS IRAQIS NOT COMPLIANT (enough) - and oh yeah, some other guy happened to mention that there's no evidence of nukes.
BUT BLIX SEEMED REALLY MAD SO IT LOOKS LIKE THE WAR BETTER START PRETTY SOON.
And on the broadcast news networks the subtext for the Blix story is simple:
YAHOOO!! A WAR DURING CRUCIAL FEBRUARY RATINGS SWEEPS! I'm sure the network news suits have figured a corpse to ratings point ratio.
Squawking too loudly about UN inspection chief Hans Blix's report could set a dangerous precedent for Bush-- especially since he unilaterally withdrew from a 1972 treaty which allowed international inspectors to examine US facilities capable of producing biological weapons. After Bush "cleanses" Iraq the world might turn its focus on the USA and demand it also comply with sane international mandates.
Of course it would be embarrassing for Bush if international inspectors found records that indicated there would be even more such weapons in the USA had they not shipped them to Hussein and an array of thugs around the globe.
Pakistan has chemical weapons and its government is not stable. A US attack on Iraq could anger Pakistanis and provoke a shift of power to hard-line fundamentalists. Believe me, those peoplewouldn't take time to blink while considering whether or not to employ such weaponry.
And India, sworn enemy of Pakistan, is right next door sitting on a very similar stockpile of chemical and biological weapons. And oh yeah, both nations, unlike Hussein, have nuclear weapons. So the destabilization of the region by insisting on war with Iraq does have its downside but what's a little nuclear conflagration when George W, Bush's puny manhood is at stake?
Operation Awe & Shock is the name US plan to massively assault Iraq.It will kill thousands and thousands of people. The desired goal is to to awe and shock Iraqi innocents the way American innocents were awed and shocked on 9/11. Fortunately America is inherently noble or this could make it look pretty bad.
"When we feel strongly about something, we will lead, we will act, even if others are not prepared to join us."
-SECRETARY OF STATE COLIN L. POWELL.
What Powell meant to say is "when my bosses order me to do something I will abandon my conscience and good sense and collaborate my ass off with scum so that it can commit mass murder and loot natural resources.
Colin Powell says inspections have done all they can and since they can't be used as an alibi for commencing carnage, they are useless to warmongering toadies like him.
Bush is so convinced that Saddam Hussein has weapons of mass destruction that W. won't rest until he forces Hussein into using them.
I heard this one on CNN:the reason the USA plans to seize Iraqi oil fields is because oil money will be needed to fund rebuilding the country American violence is about to destroy. Considering the amount of centrifugal force required to spin such stories it's a wonder that network anchors don't pass out from motion sickness.
FOX- News reporters train at NASA facilities so they can adapt to the unbelievable G- forces they'll have to withstand in their work as Bush apologists.
They might as well deliver the news from atilt-a-whirl.
And how about the recent demonixation of France and Germany? Imagine people so immoral that they don't want to join in the wholesale massacre of Iraqi peasants. Some countries just don't have the moral fiber that is so indigenous to the USA.
Only in the America could France and Germany uniting in support of a peaceful cause be considered bad news.
And by the way it took the right-wing press a year to co-opt and misuse a term I coined after last year's SUA inanity:
Axis of Weasels
http://www.barrycrimmins.com/Weasels.html
Now that Bush has been caught covering up Chinese-made boxes with fake Made in America labels, how much less believable is his claim that weapons of mass destruction have been: Made in Iraq."
And when will we smarten up and peel the label off our economic demise to read the "Made in China" label?
Globalization: Weapon of Masses Destruction.
I'm betting Bush bought his boxes at Wal-Mart.
On Sunday the Corning Leader (an upstate New York newspaper) printed three special sections on the dreadful local economy. It spoke of factory layoffs and the failure of a lot of small retail stores. Then, in a different section about homes, a story trumpeted the delightful news that it's easy to inexpensively furnish your house by shopping at places like Wal-Mart (and with the demise of K-Mart and Ames "places like Wal-Mart" means Wal-Mart in Corning). Those purported Wal-Mart bargains come at the expense of jobs lost in local plants and they mean the demise of mom & pop stores on Main Street -- but who cares? Decorating on-a-budget is what matters here. We are Americans and we need new stuff, all the time. And who cares if the more we endorse the exploitation of starvation-wage slaves in China by shopping at Wal-Mart, the sooner none of us will own homes to decorate?
Check out
mediawhoresonline for a good piece on why it's time reports of Bush's invincibility have been greatly exaggerated.Remember, his father had approval ratings during the Gulf War that seemed insurmountable and he got trounced in the 1992 election. W hasn't even started his full-blown assault on Iraq yet and he has lost 30 to 40 points in the polls but they keep telling us how damned popular the guy is.
Why don't we just get it over and attack Eurasia?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Please click to sign up for the e-mail version of :CrimQuips List.
© 2003 Barry Crimmins
*******