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Barry Crimmins

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Quips & Comments 9-18-01 Tuesday, September 18, 2001

I don't want to say the country has gotten too jingoistic but K-TEL just released a dance mix of Irving Berlin tunes.

Give Bush credit, not everyone can get away with issuing a declaration of war against "we'll get back to you later with the name."

"We will rid the world of the evil- doers" said Court-appointed President Bush, always a big fan of Underdog.

W. has shown restraint, he hasn't once called anyone a jackal or the Great Satan but give him time, it's early in the war effort.

It's not a jihad, it's a "GOPhad."

A holey war.

Or, as Henry Kissinger prefers, wholly war.

They wheeled out Kissinger to declare that the attacks weren't the result of a failure of U.S. Intelligence. He really should have warmed up with a smaller lie after all that time on the sidelines. He could have pulled something.

Kissinger had been in failing health but the prospect of an intractable war perked him right up.

As Henry says, "I love za zmell uf quagmire in za morning."

This purge of evil-doers is rather altruistic of Bush since it's certain to cause a wholesale turnover at the Republican National Committee, not to mention the cabinet.

Does CNN have a tie-in with QVC to market "America's New War" apparel?

It turns out that had they not been killed in an Israeli rocket attack in 1992, those Palestinian kids they showed cheering on CNN last week (as if in current celebration) would actually have been aghast at the massacre. But who cares, it made for compelling TV.

That's why we have FOX News now because you can't trust those liberals at CNN.

If John Ashbrook gets his way our next National Day of Mourning will be for the Bill of Rights.

In a conciliatory gesture, the Taliban has offered to meet with an old political ally, Ronald Reagan, to see if some sort of agreement can be reached.

Would someone please take Dan Rather down with a tranquilizer gun or drug his coffee or something? If I hear him address "Weekend at Carnahan's" Ashcroft as "General" one more time I'm going to need his bed at the mental hospital.

Is it possible cram any more crap on the TV screen, with any more phony urgency? I really don't think we still need a crawl at the bottom of the screen telling us.....Hijacked jetliners crash into World Trade Center Towers, Pentagon....

The actual portion of the TV screen that still shows video on CNN's Headline News can now be obscured with a postage stamp.

One thing's for certain, even if oil becomes scarce, gasbags will remain in plentiful supply in the United States.

updated: 17 years ago