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Barry Crimmins

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Quips & Comments 9-15-01 Saturday, September 15, 2001

Now I know how Vaughn Meador felt in November of 1963. (apologies to Lenny Bruce)

The hijacking- suicide bombing- mass murderers may have thought they were going to see Allah but Allah is not in residence where they have gone.

Bush is calling this "the first war of the 21st Century." It's reassuring to know we have another century of wars to look forward to.

They keep saying this was an assault on U.S. democracy. Good thing they didn't strike last year before the Supreme Court ruled it unconstitutional.

Osama bin Laden aced the collateral damage section of his CIA training.

Stand behind the president? That's tough to do with a man who can retreat at the rate of half-a-continent per hour.

We're lucky he didn't end up in Canada.

Who's playing W, in the TV movie, Don Knotts? The Incredible President Limpett.

Let me get this straight, they feared Air Force One and its escort of F-16 fighter jets would be taken down by a hijacked commercial plane, operated by pilots who had learned all they knew about flying from an Arabic copy of

757's For Dummies.

Of course we already have Air Force One for a dummy.

96 consecutive hours of TV coverage and speculation later and not one purported expert has suggested that perhaps U.S. foreign policy played some sort of role in this.

Announcing a War on Terrorism is akin to the British posting the formations they planned to have the Redcoats march in back in the 1770's.

The wars on the environment and working people have gone so well Bush just had to add terrorism to the list.

This War on Terrorism will give the Drug War company over the next several hundred years of futility.

The Drug War: where Joseph McCarthy meets Jim Crow.

Many people feel that Manhattan will now become a police state. Many people haven't been in Manhattan during the Giuliani Administration.

Credit where its due department. Giuliani has been a cross between Abraham Lincoln and an action hero when contrasted with Bush's Don Knotts performance this week.

Never have we heard so many questions that can be answered but won't, like : where would someone get an idea like this? Umm. Baghdad, the former Yugoslavia, the West Bank, Libya, Lebanon, El Salvador, Nicaragua, Vietnam, Cambodia....

The US will do whatever it takes to preserve our freedom-- even if it has to forcibly take a DNA sample from every single citizen in the nation to do it.

If airlines get the $15 billion congress is dangling perhaps they should put some of it toward making sure that airport security personnel get an across-the-board raise to $6 an hour.

You have to figure Gary Condit is experiencing some mixed emotions over his demotion from the front page.

Has anyone seen Dick Cheney since this began? They say he's at Camp David but he hasn't been seen in days. This is a hell of a time for the President to turn up missing.

updated: 17 years ago