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Barry Crimmins

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Quips & Comments 4-24-01 Tuesday, April 24, 2001

Bad weather forced  the  postponement of a risky flight from Antarctica to the South Pole to evacuate an ailing doctor. Only poor and middle class people in the United States are thought to be further removed from proper health care than the stricken M.D.

Leaders of 34 Western Hemisphere nations agreed Sunday to create the world's largest free-trade zone by 2005 and penalize any country that strays from the path of democracy. The only exception is the United States which will be allowed to hold presidential elections in which significant candidates are prohibited from the debate.

When it comes to the environment Court-appointed President Bush is "outside the mainstream of where most Americans are'' according to Republican Senator Joseph Lieberman.  It's not W's fault the Secret Service won't allow him anywhere near the mainstream now that he is permitting so much noxious stuff to be dumped in it.

The Kyoto treaty's mandatory pollution reductions are too harmful to the American economy says Jr. Bush, who asked, "Do you have any idea what agreeing to this treaty would do to our for-profit respiratory care agencies?"

Peru shot down the  American missionaries just one hour after being notified by a CIA-operated surveillance plane that it might be a flight ferrying illegal drugs The only way to salvage some good from this if the agency would agree to point its morbid finger at Pat Robertson, Sunny Moon and Jerry Falwell when they are airborne.

The U.S. Navy has placed public notices around the Puerto Rican island of Vieques, notifying residents that its bombing practices here will resume April 27. The Navy has no choice now that there have been several confirmed sightings of Japanese fishing vessels in the area.

The Court-appointed Bush administration is working to create an Internet-based clearinghouse of medical mistakes made by doctors and hospitals, with the intention of helping them avoid such errors in the future.  The first doctor to be featured will be the obstetrician who delivered George W. Bush.

Evangelical New York Knick hoopster Charlie Ward has expressed regret for remarks he made indicting Jews for the crucifixion of Jesus Christ but has so far refused to apologize for continuing to blame Jews for "stabbing Germany in the back during World War I."

Sixty-two people have been indicted in the rioting over the fatal police shooting of an unarmed black man earlier this month, a  Cincinnati prosecutor said Friday. So it's understandable that the police won't be convicted of the murder since there'd be no room for them at the rioter-filled jail anyway.

First-quarter profits for oil  giant Conoco Inc. rose 64% but to read the business page  the profits are unrelated to the recent spike in fuel prices. Nope, the cost of gas has gone up because of senseless environmental guidelines.

Imagine that, having environmental guidelines at a time when the need for Americans to drive SUV's to malls has reached crisis proportions!

With the oil-profiteering that's taking place it's likely that if  Court-appointed President Bush has a blind trust it can now afford surgery to have its sight restored.