Skip to main content _

Barry Crimmins

words to live near



CrimQuips 10/25/02 Friday, October 25, 2002

Commentary by Barry Crimmins

Just received the horrible news about the deaths Senator Paul Wellstone, his wife Sheila, daughter Marcia, three staff members and two pilots in a small plane crash in Minnesota. Let's get out the vote Nov. 5 and make sure we honor him by holding the Democratic majority in the Senate.

It's going to be a lot tougher to answer the question I'm always asked: Is there anyone in Washington you respect?

I trust the people of Minnesota will not let his seat fall into the hands of those who were running a rather malicious campaign against him.

Wellstone comprised about 60% of all the great people in the Senate. He will be missed.

This is a good break for Minnesota Republican Senate candidate Norm Coleman. When he loses to Wellstone's replacement, Bush will no doubt find a cabinet post for him.

Since several hundred people are still being held hostage in Moscow, do you suppose CNN might move the story up in the rotation ahead of the "post-sniper capital area malls are once again doing a brisk business" feature?

And although it could cut into time for 830th story featuring crucial analysis of how the analysts did guessing about the sniper (they didn't do well, by the way), how about just one mention of the plight of the forty or so miners trapped by an explosion in China?

An entire theater full of people is being held hostage in Moscow; scores have been massacred in a Bali disco; and the capital region of the United States has just ended a month-long siege provoked by the efforts of one fried Gulf War vet and an adolescent he took along on a field trip to Hell. Glad to see the War on Terror is going so well.

When the hell is the NRA going to claw the rifle from Charlton Heston's hands? It doesn't exactly shore up the organization's professed fidelity to gun safety to employ an Alzheimer's patient as a gun-brandishing dancing monkey.

"OK, Chuck, wave the flintlock and we'll give you your meds."

Why not just have him do a trick-shot act? That would bring a little excitement to NRA live events.

"And now Charlie will fire a shot and it will somehow not hit Wayne LaPierre in the pomposity!"

This latest "revelation" that Timothy McVeigh was backed by Iraqi intelligence seems about as likely as a disclosure that W is backed by native intelligence.

And if in fact McVeigh did become affiliated with Iraqis, it happened as a result of his freaking out from participating in the massacre that was mislabeled as the Gulf "War."

As much as people will try to lay John Allen Muhammad/Williams at the feet of Islam, he's just another wigged out veteran of Operation Desert Carnage. And despite all the media overkill of the story we have yet to see one expert so much as stick the tip of a toe into that swamp.

Put nothing past the propaganda machine of the commodity-greedy Court-appointed Bush Administration. They aren't Orwellian so much as they are Oilwellian.

Turning to sports...Baseball's greatest moment will come when it doesn't make an already too-late game start even later because it sold out every kid east of the Mississippi so it could shill for a credit card company.

Considering recent disclosures about its misleading accounting practices, AOL better hope it can find a few people at the Securities and Exchange Commission to put on its buddy list.

The New York Times queries "Microsoft and America Online are each releasing a Version 8 of their online-service software. Which should you choose?" I am happy to provide the answer: NEITHER!

The New York Times also informs via headline that "Venezuelan Leader Defies Military and Ignores Call for Election" Gosh imagine Hugo Chavez ignoring the same fringe officers (SOA grads!) that failed to overthrow him in April just because he remains enormously popular with the electorate that voted for him to serve a full term.

The nerve of West Coast dock workers! Imagine working at a more careful pace when your workplace has been made much more dangerous and congested by tipsy mountains of cargo created by management's insistence to lockout union stevedores.

If you suffer from insomnia, do not, I repeat, DO NOT turn on C-SPAN and watch debates from around the country that rerun throughout the evening. It took two days for me to even consider lying down again after hearing the views of Michigan Republican U.S. Senate candidate Andrew Raczkowski.

Are first-time Republican candidates required to attend some sort of stupification camp before they are allowed on a ballot?


Today's Special Feature: Letters To Barry

From: "Michael Lucas"


Subject: Barry Bombed!

Date: Fri, 25 Oct 2002 17:51:02  0000

Hey Big Bar!

You must have been "bombed out of your mind" when you wrote that ridiculous piece in the Boston Gay Phoenix about Chris Bracken.

Let me see if I got this right:

•Because we can't do anything about liver cancer we should protest U.S. policy against Iraq.

•All those rascally Republicans care about is oil!

•We are in grave danger of losing all our rights!

•The presidential election of 2000 was stolen.

•Chris Bracken was a witty guy who used to call the President of the United States a "Moe Ron". For this he is to be admired.

Big Bar, you may have missed it but there was a demonstration by the people of the totalitarian state of Iraq the other day AGAINST THE GOVERNMENT concerning all the people who have disappeared under the regime. It may just be possible that the people of Iraq would welcome liberation.

There are no documented pictures or video of George Bush "wiping his ass with the Bill of Rights". There are documented picturs and video of Abbie Hoffman blowing his nose on the American flag. Big Bar, head down to ground zero and blow your nose on the American flag and see what happens to you.

All the Republicans care about is oil? BOOORING! You are beating an old dead horse!

The 2000 presidential election was stolen? BOOORING! The 2000 presidential election is ancient history. Gore did not win one single recount. President Bush won all of them. End of story.

Chris Bracken should have spent less time criticizing the President of the United States and more time planning the financial future of his loved ones. Then you wouldn't have to "panhandle" for them through the Boston Gay Phoenix.

Keep smokin whatever you're smokin there Bar!

END OF E-MAIL from "Michael Lucas"


And here's my reply, a bit lengthy considering the merit of this person's remarks. Should you feel he deserves a longer response, that address is "Michael Lucas" .

Michael, I couldn't have written anything that could have provoked more support for my beliefs than your bigoted and hateful letter.

Thanks so much,

Barry Crimmins

All but the remarks from "Michael Lucas"  are

© 2002 Barry Crimmins


updated: 18 years ago