CrimQuips
CrimQuips 10/24/02 Thursday, October 24, 2002
Commentary by Barry Crimmins
http://www.barrycrimmins.com
Most capital area joggers have switched over to sprinting.
The Court-appointed Bush Administration must be relieved that the I-95 suspects apparently are not of North Korean origin.
The difference between Iraq's alleged desire to possess weapons of mass destruction and North Korea's admission that it is well on the way to having them is simple: should something go wrong with Iraq's weapons it could damage oil fields whereas North Korea's most likely would only harm Asians. This is why the Court-appointed Bush
Administration is much more concerned with Iraq than North Korea.
The authorities better pick up I-95 murderer "person of interest," Gulf War vet John Allen Muhammad aka/ John Allen Williams before he expires from Gulf War Syndrome.
Now how do you suppose a Gulf War vet could have come to believe that it makes sense to massacre innocents?
If John Allen Muhammad isn't just a fall guy and is guilty of these murders, perhaps he did it in solidarity with fellow Gulf War vet terrorist, Timothy McVeigh.
Makes you wonder what kind of trauma will come home with vets of Gulf War II (or, for you purists, Spanish-American War VI)
Charles Moose sent this message to the sniper "our word is our bond," whereas if they even offer the sniper suspect bail his bond will be several million dollars.
Maryland governor Parris N. Glendening may call out the National Guard to protect voters next week from the I-95 murderer whereas Florida Governor Jeb Bush may call out the National Guard to protect himself from voters.
George W. Bush may send out the National Guard to make sure the media doesn't cover anything but the I-95 murders or Iraq between now and the election.
We learned earlier in the week that if the I-95 murderer is a hard-luck illegal alien who stumbles into the wrong pay phone, we can rest assured the authorities have a plan in place to take him out quickly.
If this father-stepson team is in fact guilty of the I-95 murders, it would make them the most deadly inter-generational tandem since George H. W. and George W. Bush.
W. has determined the underlying problem concerning the I-95 murderer-- forests. Had congress cooperated with him on his environmental initiatives many of the hiding places for the murderer would have been clear-cut months ago.
The Bush position: We don't need gun control. We need forest control.
So, with the help of the private sector, Bush will pledge to eradicate forests in our lifetime.
This is different than his Iraq policy, which is to simply eradicate Iraqi lifetimes altogether.
One feature of the anti-forest plan: Turn National Parks into National Parking Lots -- this will make it easier to drill for oil in them and with all that oil we will need that many more parking spaces.
With the eradication of forests, there will be room for even wider highways, leading to the day when a HumVee is considered a compact vehicle.
"He's got one of them little HumVees, it gets six gallons to the mile," will become a common comment.
This isn't meant with any disrespect for the Ponderosa shooting victim but face the facts, people should count themselves lucky to simply survive eating a meal in one of those places.
*The victim may have survived because the bullet was deflected by a large and durable hunk of Ponderosa entree carcass lodged in his intestinal tract. (*Actually the Ponderosa food caused medical complications so please hold those joke fact-checking e-mails!)
New Bumpersticker: Virginia is for Lugars.
How much of a change does it represent for Washington D.C. parents to be told their children aren't safe?
When they hold over a show in Moscow, they don't screw around.
© 2002 Barry Crimmins
******
http://www.barrycrimmins.com
Most capital area joggers have switched over to sprinting.
The Court-appointed Bush Administration must be relieved that the I-95 suspects apparently are not of North Korean origin.
The difference between Iraq's alleged desire to possess weapons of mass destruction and North Korea's admission that it is well on the way to having them is simple: should something go wrong with Iraq's weapons it could damage oil fields whereas North Korea's most likely would only harm Asians. This is why the Court-appointed Bush
Administration is much more concerned with Iraq than North Korea.
The authorities better pick up I-95 murderer "person of interest," Gulf War vet John Allen Muhammad aka/ John Allen Williams before he expires from Gulf War Syndrome.
Now how do you suppose a Gulf War vet could have come to believe that it makes sense to massacre innocents?
If John Allen Muhammad isn't just a fall guy and is guilty of these murders, perhaps he did it in solidarity with fellow Gulf War vet terrorist, Timothy McVeigh.
Makes you wonder what kind of trauma will come home with vets of Gulf War II (or, for you purists, Spanish-American War VI)
Charles Moose sent this message to the sniper "our word is our bond," whereas if they even offer the sniper suspect bail his bond will be several million dollars.
Maryland governor Parris N. Glendening may call out the National Guard to protect voters next week from the I-95 murderer whereas Florida Governor Jeb Bush may call out the National Guard to protect himself from voters.
George W. Bush may send out the National Guard to make sure the media doesn't cover anything but the I-95 murders or Iraq between now and the election.
We learned earlier in the week that if the I-95 murderer is a hard-luck illegal alien who stumbles into the wrong pay phone, we can rest assured the authorities have a plan in place to take him out quickly.
If this father-stepson team is in fact guilty of the I-95 murders, it would make them the most deadly inter-generational tandem since George H. W. and George W. Bush.
W. has determined the underlying problem concerning the I-95 murderer-- forests. Had congress cooperated with him on his environmental initiatives many of the hiding places for the murderer would have been clear-cut months ago.
The Bush position: We don't need gun control. We need forest control.
So, with the help of the private sector, Bush will pledge to eradicate forests in our lifetime.
This is different than his Iraq policy, which is to simply eradicate Iraqi lifetimes altogether.
One feature of the anti-forest plan: Turn National Parks into National Parking Lots -- this will make it easier to drill for oil in them and with all that oil we will need that many more parking spaces.
With the eradication of forests, there will be room for even wider highways, leading to the day when a HumVee is considered a compact vehicle.
"He's got one of them little HumVees, it gets six gallons to the mile," will become a common comment.
This isn't meant with any disrespect for the Ponderosa shooting victim but face the facts, people should count themselves lucky to simply survive eating a meal in one of those places.
*The victim may have survived because the bullet was deflected by a large and durable hunk of Ponderosa entree carcass lodged in his intestinal tract. (*Actually the Ponderosa food caused medical complications so please hold those joke fact-checking e-mails!)
New Bumpersticker: Virginia is for Lugars.
How much of a change does it represent for Washington D.C. parents to be told their children aren't safe?
When they hold over a show in Moscow, they don't screw around.
© 2002 Barry Crimmins
******