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Barry Crimmins

words to live near



Quips & Comments 12-29-01 Saturday, December 29, 2001

The Enron workforce was done in by insider betrading.

As Salt Lake City's games loom, look at the bright side and remember the U.S. actually does worse in the World Court than the Winter Olympics.

When 2001 began who'd have believed New York City's was eligible to suffer a loss of innocence?

Oddly, by losing its innocence the Big Apple regained some.

And as the year began who'd have thought that even his most ardent supporters would be anything but pleased to receive a Christmas card from Senator Tom Daschle?

The Military tribunals planned by the Court-appointed Bush Administration will be under certain constraints. A unanimous verdict will be necessary to impose a death penalty. A two-thirds vote of the panel of military officers is required to find someone guilty of charges. However, if two-thirds of the panelists vote for a death sentence they then can try the one-third who voted against it, find them guilty of treason and have them executed.

The U.S. is bringing Al Queda prisoners to its base in Guantnamo Bay in Cuba. How long before we hear about the "dramatic increase in terrorists" on Cuba as a reason for attacking Castro?

With the new fear of exploding shoes sweeping airports, let's hope Ringling Brothers still has that train for transporting their clowns.

Court-appointed President Bush praised China for shifting its method of capital punishment from the gunshot to lethal injection saying, "The United States happily welcomes the Chinese to the to modern and convenient world of state imposed drug overdoses."

The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission sued the Allstate Insurance Company for age discrimination against several thousand of its agents. Allstate may have blown the case when it changed its "The Good Hands People" slogan to "The Good Unwrinkled Hands People"

Teenage smoking has fallen sharply since peaking in 1996. In response to the crisis the Court-appointed Bush Administration is preparing a multi-billion dollar bailout package for the tobacco industry.

Mayor Rudolph Giuliani has pledged to have a "soaring, monumental" memorial built at the World Trade Center site. In addition to the tribute to himself he suggested something be done to commemorate the victims of September 11.

Prediction: former Denver Nuggets basketball coach Dan Issel will not become the official spokesperson for Carta Blanca's Cinco de Mayo promotion.

The new Afghan government has announced that public executions and amputations will continue in accordance with sharia law but justice would be applied fairly and with mercy. Attorney General Kaiser Ashcroft said he is impressed with his Afghan counterparts but believed that executions and amputations are still best done in private.