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Barry Crimmins

words to live near



Quips & Comments 11-8-2001 Thursday, November 8, 2001

Can it already be a year since we didn't elect George W. Bush president? Time flies when you're going straight to Hell.

There is now credible evidence of the gullibility of American leaders when it comes to announcing high alerts to alleged upcoming terrorist assaults.

This outburst of support for torture as a "new" method of interrogation of prisoners in the United States must come as quite a surprise to Abner Louima's survivors.

The Virginia Supreme Court struck down a state law that banned cross burning, stating that "In this time of war Virginians need to seek all forms of alternative energy available and crosses are in plentiful supply."

Pakistan released three scientists with alleged ties to the Taliban when their alibi, "Hey, we're  scientists and they're the  Taliban" made irrefutable sense.

The end of the baseball season was bad news for Irving Berlin's heirs as it concluded the largest surge in windfall royalties his estate had ever seen.

For better coverage of Game 7 of the World Series many savvy baseball fans switched from FOX to the Emmys on CBS.

When FOX covers a game, FOX  covers the game.

Speaking of which, wouldn't you love to kill the guy who invented all those annoying crawls and boxes full of redundant, useless information that now obscure almost anything you try to watch on television? Well don't do it because you can get in big trouble for killing the mayor-elect of New York.

A federal appeals court allowed Exxon to ooze out of a $5.3 billion dollar judgment against the company for damages that resulted from the Exxon-Valdez oil spill. How did Exxon manage to slime its way out of this? Oily lawyers.

Watch for the new Wolf Blitzer special on CNN "America Strikes Back.... at the Red Cross in Afghanistan.....repeatedly."

Homeland security Czar Tom Rigid has put off complaints by rank and file postal employees concerned over Anthrax by saying "We'll solve this but until we do the postal employees will just gave to keep their powder dry."

The scariest Halloween costumes this year were worn by John Ashcroft, Tommy Thompson, Tom Rigid, Paul O'Neill, Dick Cheney and George W. Bush who all dressed up as federal officials during a time of crisis.

Finishing dead last was the US media because nobody found them convincing when they dressed as objective journalists.

Next year the media will go back to wearing its traditional costumes and come as military industrial state cheerleaders and apologists.

AOL Time Warner replaced its chief financial officer, J. Michael Kelly. AOL will announce its new CFO as soon as its advertising stops loading.

Manhattan judge dismissed all charges have been dismissed against Oliver Jovanovic, who was accused of the sexual torture of a woman he met on the Internet because the woman was refused to testify at a second trial. Jovanovic is now considered a leading candidate for the vacant CFO job at AOL.

Several members of the New York Fire department were arrested by New York police after a brawl broke out because the firefighters were outraged that lame duck Mayor Rudy Giuliani greatly reduced their access to the Ground Zero area where over 300 of their fellow firefighters heroically gave their lives. "Much as I was saddened to send the police out after the firefighters, it must be remembered that it is not possible to have New York be both a police and firefighter state," explained Giuliani.