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Barry Crimmins

words to live near


political satirist Barry Crimmins

Wolfy At The Door Thursday, May 17, 2007

Wolfy At The Door

Nearly six months of the untaxed dough Wolfy provided for Shaha.

News Item: Neocon artist Wolfowitz refuses to step down as World Bank President

Wolfowitz said to refuse to resign "under cloud."

World bank officials contact meteoroligists in hopes of forecast of cloudless day.

Face the facts, Wolfy, the cloud is of your own making. In fact, it smells like something crawled up inside of you and died.

Remove yourself from public, cash your last paycheck and stock up on Beano.

All he did was directly dictate the terms of a deal paying his girlfriend $193,590 per year, tax-exempt. Who among us hasn't done that?

Still, you have to wonder how an organization that prides itself in its ability to privatize water supplies in the Third World could have such a hard time running one bum out of a suite of offices.

Are all their leg-breakers busy harrying water addicts in Africa ?

Throw me a couple of million and I guarantee Paul Wolfowitz will be on the street five minutes after I arrive with the eviction papers.

His only choice will be the elevator or the window.

One heterosexual remotely tied to the Bush administration and look what happens.

He's now said to be holding out for a better deal before he agrees to leave. Excuse me, but bankers caught committing acts of financial impropriety are not generally afforded the luxury of dictating the terms of how they vacate their offices.

Generally they are simply told to take a walk. A perp walk.

You have to hope the World Bank can get past this so it can return to its important work of metering water wells in remote villages in undeveloped nations.

The Bank is also said to be working on a very hush-hush plan to privatize oxygen.

Unfortunately they haven't found a way to bill Wolfowitz for all the hot air he's been expending.

According to the Washington Post, 'The Bush administration spent much of yesterday trying to broker a graceful end to the ethics controversy consuming the World Bank, offering the resignation of embattled president Paul D. Wolfowitz, senior administration and bank officials said.'

Excuse me, but doesn't the Bush Administration have slightly more important matters to deal with than negotiating platinum parachutes for former officials for whom they've already provided platinum parachutes?

I guess when Air America unjustly sacked me I should have called the White House to negotiate the terms of my departure.

I hadn't realized that they provided such a service.

But then I had a case. Perhaps they only represent people who are fired for cause.

The Post went on to say: 'The Bush administration, navigating the currents of international diplomacy, remained sympathetic to Wolfowitz's plight but has appeared less willing by the day to spend political capital on him."

I think the Post left a word out. I believe it should have read "to DEFICIT spend political capital on him."

You have to chuckle when you read of "the Bush Administration navigating the currents of international diplomacy." Face the facts, the only thing the Bush administration has ever done in those waters is mine them.

The latest rumor is that Wolfowitz has agreed to step down but only if his girlfriend, Shaha Riza, replaces him.

Wolfy always did love screwing Muslims.

Oh wait, scratch that. We have now learned that Riza and Wolfowitz have broken up. This couldn't have come at a worse time, what with Deborah Jeanne Palfrey out of business and all, the dating scene for Washington weasels has become much more difficult.

Wolfowitz claims he got "murky ethics advice" from the World Bank. Not as murky as a lot of the water it sells to babies in Africa, but murky nonetheless.

Maybe we should start emulating Wolfowitz. When fired just reply, "No, I'm not!"

Detroit would become the "No, I'm not!" capital.

It won't be long until the World Bank starts running the water works in Detroit but I digress.

The Post continues, 'The board rejected that formulation, however, insisting that Wolfowitz face consequences for a committee's findings that he broke ethics rules and undermined the reputation of the bank, the officials said.'

Hey, give the guy credit! To undermine the reputation of the World Bank, you must first construct a new. lower Ring of Hell. This costs money. After undertaking such an expensive proposition, he simply couldn't afford to lose his income.

But at least he has somewhere to go when this thing finally does end.

The poor guy was just barely getting by on what he and his girlfriend were stealing. Now she's gone and there's an angry mob slamming a battering ram into his mahogany door.

More from the Post: 'An official who had been briefed by a European board member said yesterday that the Bush administration's proposal was deemed offensive by several members. "The staff were absolutely horrified by what seemed to be the Bush administration's disdain for a clear-cut case of corruption at the bank," an official said.'

My goodness, the Bush administration wasn't upset by corruption? Our Bush administration?! We're shocked and stunned!

Wolfowitz has canceled a scheduled trip to Slovenia where he was to deliver an award to graduate students 'who wrote essays exploring the troubles of corruption in the developing world.' Apparently Wolfy decided to teach the students a lesson about the troubles of corruption in the developed world by stealing the awards.

As bad as things seem now, Wolfowitz will be much happier when he leaves the job and moves on to something else. Maybe he'll settle down in Virginia and open a nice gun shop.


Jerry Falwell Died

Gosh, that felt good to type.

He's with Jesus now although Jesus is doing everything he can to get out of the room - including pushing up the timetable for the second coming.

Or maybe he'll just send him to Wolfowitz's new ring of Hell to be cornholed for eternity.

We're queer, we're in your rear! Get used to it!

How's that for a final reward, Jerry?

Gun lobby cites Falwell case to advocate concealed weapon use in afterlife.

Several news organizations referred to him a spiritual leader. I didn't know bigots had spiritual leaders. Somewhere David Duke is joining a seminary.

Jerry Falwell's dead and the ACLU is still in business. And they say there's no justice.

But seriously, I send the Falwell family my sincere condolences. I know what they've been through. I have a maniac or two in my family.