CrimQuips
Quips & Comments 6-21-02 Friday, June 21, 2002
by Barry Crimmins
http://www.barrycrimmins.com
Truth in labeling department: W's pet nickname for Disinformation Minister Karl Rove is "turd blossom."
True to professional wrestler form, Jesse Ventura took a dive and pulled out of the gubernatorial race before Minnesota voters could beat him to the punch.
Ventura will now focus on his work as the the curator of XFL Hall of Fame.
In the Middle East, Israel has seized more land because Palestinian suicide bombers struck again because Israel began construction on a fence because Palestinian suicide bombers struck again because Israel launched rocket attacks because Palestinian suicide bombers struck again because Israel bulldozed occupied homes because Palestinian suicide bombers struck again because Israel leveled neighborhoods.....
If only the US economic future were as rosy as that of the chain of Middle East violence...
Speaking of which, when will someone muster up the courage to mention the fact that Bush has slammed the US economy into the dumpster? To the Court-appointed Bush Administration, it's not a matter of whether to force Saddam Hussein out, it's a matter of how. We need to apply that same thinking to the USA. The highest ranking US military officer in Afghanistan says he expects American forces to remain there at least another year. This is tough on the troops but think of how hard it is on General Tommy Franks, who now faces another year of overseeing the operation from Tampa, Florida. Poor General Franks! Another year of throwing out first balls at Devil Rays games, another year of schlepping over to Orlando for appearances at the Afghan sector at Epcot Center, another year of lunches with George Steinbrenner. Most civilians will never appreciate the lonely sacrifices this man makes for the Purported War on Terrorism effort. Arthur Andersen's lawyers may ask a federal judge to throw out the accounting firm's obstruction of justice conviction over technicalities concerning how jurors reached their decision. Why is it that technicalities are only an outrage when they allow poor people to get new trials? For instance, Oliver North got off on a technicality but he is now a darling of the prison-industrial complex aka/ police state. Arthur Criner, a juror in the Andersen case, is shopping a book proposal about his experiences in the jury. If book deal doesn't work Enron is said to be interested in offering Criner a job because the company is impressed with his "shameless ability to look at human tragedy and see the potential for windfall profits." Congress is rushing towards passing a bill that would have the federal government subsidize the vast majority of all monies paid by insurance companies after terrorist attacks. Goodness knows insurance companies actually having to pay off claims would have set a bad precedent that could have wreaked havoc with the way our economy works. And this legislation will give insurance goliaths just about zero incentive to consider terrorist safeguards for its customers.
In the biggest indication that insiders feel W is in real trouble, his appointers at the Supreme Court have reversed themselves and barred executions of the mentally retarded.
Colleen Kollar-Kotelly, the federal judge handling the Microsoft antitrust case is apparently upset with the macrosoftness of the settlement the company reached with the government and several states. Under particular scrutiny is the largest part of the settlement that was paid in several million unmarked bills to a man only identified as "Turd Blossom."
House Republicans have finally acknowledged a need for the federal government to step in and ensure that the American people pay for the obscene profits pharmaceutical companies make from storing senior citizens on pharmaceutical dry ice. How else can we guarantee that older Americans traverse their final days lugging tackle boxes full of pills that modify the side effects of the previous pill while creating side effects that cause the need for the next pill?
At the Gluttonous Old Party's Gala Graftfest on Tuesday night, work continued on the legislation concerning medication for senior citizens. Big Pharma's prescription to the GOP? Take two valises full of cash and call me in the morning. These days the only safe investment for American business is a ticket to a Republican fundraiser. For just a few hundred grand they can buy enough cheesy little politicians to allow them to poison the environment, foist shoddy goods on the public, gain billions in corporate welfare and duck responsibility for criminal behavior. Too bad such bargains aren't available to the general public.
© 2002 Barry Crimmins
http://www.barrycrimmins.com
Truth in labeling department: W's pet nickname for Disinformation Minister Karl Rove is "turd blossom."
True to professional wrestler form, Jesse Ventura took a dive and pulled out of the gubernatorial race before Minnesota voters could beat him to the punch.
Ventura will now focus on his work as the the curator of XFL Hall of Fame.
In the Middle East, Israel has seized more land because Palestinian suicide bombers struck again because Israel began construction on a fence because Palestinian suicide bombers struck again because Israel launched rocket attacks because Palestinian suicide bombers struck again because Israel bulldozed occupied homes because Palestinian suicide bombers struck again because Israel leveled neighborhoods.....
If only the US economic future were as rosy as that of the chain of Middle East violence...
Speaking of which, when will someone muster up the courage to mention the fact that Bush has slammed the US economy into the dumpster? To the Court-appointed Bush Administration, it's not a matter of whether to force Saddam Hussein out, it's a matter of how. We need to apply that same thinking to the USA. The highest ranking US military officer in Afghanistan says he expects American forces to remain there at least another year. This is tough on the troops but think of how hard it is on General Tommy Franks, who now faces another year of overseeing the operation from Tampa, Florida. Poor General Franks! Another year of throwing out first balls at Devil Rays games, another year of schlepping over to Orlando for appearances at the Afghan sector at Epcot Center, another year of lunches with George Steinbrenner. Most civilians will never appreciate the lonely sacrifices this man makes for the Purported War on Terrorism effort. Arthur Andersen's lawyers may ask a federal judge to throw out the accounting firm's obstruction of justice conviction over technicalities concerning how jurors reached their decision. Why is it that technicalities are only an outrage when they allow poor people to get new trials? For instance, Oliver North got off on a technicality but he is now a darling of the prison-industrial complex aka/ police state. Arthur Criner, a juror in the Andersen case, is shopping a book proposal about his experiences in the jury. If book deal doesn't work Enron is said to be interested in offering Criner a job because the company is impressed with his "shameless ability to look at human tragedy and see the potential for windfall profits." Congress is rushing towards passing a bill that would have the federal government subsidize the vast majority of all monies paid by insurance companies after terrorist attacks. Goodness knows insurance companies actually having to pay off claims would have set a bad precedent that could have wreaked havoc with the way our economy works. And this legislation will give insurance goliaths just about zero incentive to consider terrorist safeguards for its customers.
In the biggest indication that insiders feel W is in real trouble, his appointers at the Supreme Court have reversed themselves and barred executions of the mentally retarded.
Colleen Kollar-Kotelly, the federal judge handling the Microsoft antitrust case is apparently upset with the macrosoftness of the settlement the company reached with the government and several states. Under particular scrutiny is the largest part of the settlement that was paid in several million unmarked bills to a man only identified as "Turd Blossom."
House Republicans have finally acknowledged a need for the federal government to step in and ensure that the American people pay for the obscene profits pharmaceutical companies make from storing senior citizens on pharmaceutical dry ice. How else can we guarantee that older Americans traverse their final days lugging tackle boxes full of pills that modify the side effects of the previous pill while creating side effects that cause the need for the next pill?
At the Gluttonous Old Party's Gala Graftfest on Tuesday night, work continued on the legislation concerning medication for senior citizens. Big Pharma's prescription to the GOP? Take two valises full of cash and call me in the morning. These days the only safe investment for American business is a ticket to a Republican fundraiser. For just a few hundred grand they can buy enough cheesy little politicians to allow them to poison the environment, foist shoddy goods on the public, gain billions in corporate welfare and duck responsibility for criminal behavior. Too bad such bargains aren't available to the general public.
© 2002 Barry Crimmins