CrimQuips
Quips & Comments 6-17-02 Monday, June 17, 2002
by Barry Crimmins
http://www.barrycrimmins.com
Arthur Andersen LLP (Let's Loot People) has been found guilty of massive crimes against the American people and not one of those white-collar criminals faces a minute in jail. Maybe we should broaden the definition of terrorism so that some of those hoodlums could be locked away in a military prison.
That would set a dangerous precedent -- we can't start filling jails with people who have actually committed crimes. There wouldn't be room for all the truly criminal people who go to the wrong websites.
White House advisers have acknowledged that the new KGBUSA aka/ Office of Homeland Security is central to election-year strategy to portray the court-appointed president and the Gluttonous Old Party as heroic defenders of the USA. In other words, they are running for reelection as the conservatives who have formed the gigantic federal police force with which they will indiscriminately stomp human rights so as to protect American freedoms. W will send cabinet members around the country this summer under the guise of federal business but they'll actually be out to buttress Republican candidates. It's nice to see they already have the country so secure that they can afford to send top officials out on the campaign trail to dabble in electoral politics.
***
The Court-appointed Bush Administration is already preparing slogans to promote the new Fatherland Security department. Here's a few guesses at some of the phrases they'll come up with:
Heil if you love W!
If you were Muslim, you'd be in jail by now!
Good citizens ask questions like: Who was that mosqued man?
Turn in subversives -- before they have a chance to vote.
Be a true patriot, assassinate your neighbor's character today!
Military prisons-- don't ask, don't tell!
I'm in Police State of Mind!
Take my rights, please!
Charges? We don't need no stinking charges!
****
Mark McKinnon, Bush's chief media consultant in the 2000 campaign, says security "... throws a huge blanket over the entire domestic agenda. It's covering up everything else." Well if anyone knows about effective cover-ups, it's a Bush media adviser. Blankets will also be thrown over dissidents. They are much easier to drag off that way.
White House pollster Matthew Dowd says that because of security fears, "Issues that the Democrats may have an advantage on may get shoved aside, like the environment or Social Security." That's right, because everyone knows cancer clusters and homeless senior citizens have little to do with national security.
Karl Rove, who will no doubt be a major player on the Committee to Re-Appoint the President (CRAP), is shopping around the 2004 slogan "Are you safer now than you were four years ago?" Now there's one that could blow up in their faces.
Yes, I feel much safer without those pesky twin towers looming on New York's skyline ****
Let's see:
first the White House was stolen
the US government was put back in the hands of the people who promoted death squad terrorism
protections for workers and the environment are being shredded faster than you can say 'Enron'
preventable massive terrorist attacks succeeded in killing thousands and costing billions and billions
the attacks have been followed by the installation of federal police state authority
really dumb armed people are roaming our airports
nationalism is running amuck
we are in a state of perpetual war and....
they are expect us to fill in the blank and say "Oh yeah, we feel A LOT safer."
***
If Arthur Andersen goes under, rumor has it that Governor Jeb Bush already has the inside track on purchasing all of its shredding hardware and will have it retrofitted for use in voting booths.
Ohio State University graduates and other attendees of the institution's commencement ceremonies were urged to "applaud furiously" when Court-appointed President Bush took the stage to speak in Columbus last week. Respond furiously, always. Applaud furiously, never.
An earthquake rattled the proposed federal nuclear dumpsite at Yucca Mountain in Nevada but the court-appointed Bush Administration will continue to lobby for the site, which is in an area that has had 620 quakes in the last 20 years. And Bush calls himself God-fearing! The ABM treaty was abandoned by the US so now Russia says Start II is rendered void at a time when an inordinately unstable Pakistan, which could fall to US-agitated extremists, is already teetering on the nuclear brink with India. Isn't it reassuring to know we have such stable and competent people running the United States at this moment?
It's good to have these old pros in charge. They knew this was the exact instant for international nuclear destabilization. Other less bold (and more elected) American leaders would have naively attempted to maintain the status quo or even work towards true disarmament. Then where would we be? Last week the Afghan loya jirga, named Hamid Karzai interim president of Afghanistan to succeed himself as interim president or Afhanistan. So there's a real vote of confidence.
2002 Barry Crimmins
http://www.barrycrimmins.com
Arthur Andersen LLP (Let's Loot People) has been found guilty of massive crimes against the American people and not one of those white-collar criminals faces a minute in jail. Maybe we should broaden the definition of terrorism so that some of those hoodlums could be locked away in a military prison.
That would set a dangerous precedent -- we can't start filling jails with people who have actually committed crimes. There wouldn't be room for all the truly criminal people who go to the wrong websites.
White House advisers have acknowledged that the new KGBUSA aka/ Office of Homeland Security is central to election-year strategy to portray the court-appointed president and the Gluttonous Old Party as heroic defenders of the USA. In other words, they are running for reelection as the conservatives who have formed the gigantic federal police force with which they will indiscriminately stomp human rights so as to protect American freedoms. W will send cabinet members around the country this summer under the guise of federal business but they'll actually be out to buttress Republican candidates. It's nice to see they already have the country so secure that they can afford to send top officials out on the campaign trail to dabble in electoral politics.
***
The Court-appointed Bush Administration is already preparing slogans to promote the new Fatherland Security department. Here's a few guesses at some of the phrases they'll come up with:
Heil if you love W!
If you were Muslim, you'd be in jail by now!
Good citizens ask questions like: Who was that mosqued man?
Turn in subversives -- before they have a chance to vote.
Be a true patriot, assassinate your neighbor's character today!
Military prisons-- don't ask, don't tell!
I'm in Police State of Mind!
Take my rights, please!
Charges? We don't need no stinking charges!
****
Mark McKinnon, Bush's chief media consultant in the 2000 campaign, says security "... throws a huge blanket over the entire domestic agenda. It's covering up everything else." Well if anyone knows about effective cover-ups, it's a Bush media adviser. Blankets will also be thrown over dissidents. They are much easier to drag off that way.
White House pollster Matthew Dowd says that because of security fears, "Issues that the Democrats may have an advantage on may get shoved aside, like the environment or Social Security." That's right, because everyone knows cancer clusters and homeless senior citizens have little to do with national security.
Karl Rove, who will no doubt be a major player on the Committee to Re-Appoint the President (CRAP), is shopping around the 2004 slogan "Are you safer now than you were four years ago?" Now there's one that could blow up in their faces.
Yes, I feel much safer without those pesky twin towers looming on New York's skyline ****
Let's see:
first the White House was stolen
the US government was put back in the hands of the people who promoted death squad terrorism
protections for workers and the environment are being shredded faster than you can say 'Enron'
preventable massive terrorist attacks succeeded in killing thousands and costing billions and billions
the attacks have been followed by the installation of federal police state authority
really dumb armed people are roaming our airports
nationalism is running amuck
we are in a state of perpetual war and....
they are expect us to fill in the blank and say "Oh yeah, we feel A LOT safer."
***
If Arthur Andersen goes under, rumor has it that Governor Jeb Bush already has the inside track on purchasing all of its shredding hardware and will have it retrofitted for use in voting booths.
Ohio State University graduates and other attendees of the institution's commencement ceremonies were urged to "applaud furiously" when Court-appointed President Bush took the stage to speak in Columbus last week. Respond furiously, always. Applaud furiously, never.
An earthquake rattled the proposed federal nuclear dumpsite at Yucca Mountain in Nevada but the court-appointed Bush Administration will continue to lobby for the site, which is in an area that has had 620 quakes in the last 20 years. And Bush calls himself God-fearing! The ABM treaty was abandoned by the US so now Russia says Start II is rendered void at a time when an inordinately unstable Pakistan, which could fall to US-agitated extremists, is already teetering on the nuclear brink with India. Isn't it reassuring to know we have such stable and competent people running the United States at this moment?
It's good to have these old pros in charge. They knew this was the exact instant for international nuclear destabilization. Other less bold (and more elected) American leaders would have naively attempted to maintain the status quo or even work towards true disarmament. Then where would we be? Last week the Afghan loya jirga, named Hamid Karzai interim president of Afghanistan to succeed himself as interim president or Afhanistan. So there's a real vote of confidence.
2002 Barry Crimmins