Skip to main content _

Barry Crimmins

words to live near

instagram

CrimQuips

Quips & Comments 6-6-02 Thursday, June 6, 2002

by Barry Crimmins

http://www.barrycrimmins.com

"I cannot think of a time when business over all has been held in less repute." -Henry M. Paulson Jr., CEO of Goldman Sachs.

"We're going to run the country like a corporation." - George W. Bush, Court-appointed President of the United States

^^^^^^^

Kaiser Ashcroft's new plan to fingerprint tens of thousands of Muslim and Middle Eastern visa holders as they enter the United States is just Phase One. After fingerprinting the visitors will be required to wear Crescent of Mecca armbands until they are rounded up and brought to waiting cattle cars.

Come to the USA and free yourself of the shackles of totalitarianism so that we may fit you with new red, white and blue shackles. Ashcroft will next propose that all Northerners visiting Branson, Missouri get fitted with electronic monitors. When you hear that Ashcroft is announcing something it's like hearing a news bulletin from the Middle East -- you don't know what's coming next but you're pretty sure it going to be awful.

What we really need is mandatory fingerprinting of Court-appointed Bush Administration officials. R & B artist R. Kelly has been indicted on child pornography charges because he allegedly videotaped a sexual assault of a 14 year-old girl. Kelly could not be reached for comment but his lawyer says he's now found God and is considering studying for the priesthood.

Even if "American Taliban" John Walker Lindh did know the 9-11 attacks were coming, do you think he actually could have gotten the information from Afghanistan to a White House that can't even follow what is happening in Minnesota?

And if Lindh's convicted for what he knew prior to 9-11, won't that be an interesting precedent?

Only nine months after forming the Office of Homeland Security, the Court-appointed Bush Administration has announced plans to reorganize the new agency. Expect these moves to continue until OHS does its job and actually distracts the American people from the fact that the security analysis buck was always intended to stop at the White House prior to the fabrication of this new bureaucratic distraction. In dismissing the Environmental Protection Agency's acknowledgment of the severity of environmental damage from global warming, W said, "I read the report put out by the bureaucracy." Funny how" bureaucracy" is a pejorative term concerning the environment and manna from heaven when deflecting accountability for 9-11.

I wonder how many reports "put out by the bureaucracy" Bush read and dismissed prior to 9-11.

So it turns out that the Court-appointed Bush Administration's brief dalliance with reality concerning global warming was only so much hot air.

Bush said that to act on the problem of global warming would be bad for the US economy. In a few years when New Orleans disappears, how will that be for the economy?

Believe me, the novelty of gondolas in the French Quarter will wear off rather quickly. A U.S. State Department report has detailed the shockingly contemporary problem of slavery. Secretary of State Colin L. Powell pledged "to stop this appalling assault on the dignity of men, women and children." Oh sure he says he's Republican but then he comes out against slavery. A War on Slavery could turn Kaiser Ashcroft and Trent Lott into pacifists. After reading the report, Rush Limbaugh understood why he never really trusted Powell.

Massachusetts Republican Gubernatorial candidate Mitt Romney claims he hadn't realized that his $3.8 million Park City, Utah home had been designated as his "primary residence" and that as a result his Utah property taxes had dropped $18,000 per year for the last three years. Even if he gets away with such obvious hooey, a man who claims he doesn't notice a $54,000 windfall can hardly claim he is in touch with the realities confronting working people.$18,000 per is several thousand more than what's considered the poverty line for a family of four and this guy can't even feel the lump it makes in his wallet.

Romney explained that although Utah is his primary residence he always lives in Massachusetts for general elections.

Considering the shaky status of companies like Qwest, Lucent and Corning it appears one thing that travels quickly down fiber optic trails is stock value. Court-appointed President Bush's calls to President Pervez Musharraf Pakistan and Prime Minister Atal Bihari Vajpayee of India in an attempt to diffuse tensions between the two nations succeeded in leading to an agreement between the two leaders. After speaking with W, the two men agreed to issue a joint statement of sympathy for the American people.

© 2002 Barry Crimmins