CrimQuips
Quips & Comments 5-20-02 Monday, May 20, 2002
by Barry Crimmins
http://www.barrycrimmins.com
Far right-wing Colombian presidential candidate Alvaro Uribe is promising that if elected he will double the size of the country's army and police force as well as organize organize one million villagers to serve as informants. You have to figure the main peasant organizing tool will be the automatic weapons carried by all those soldiers and cops.
Peasants who resist the allure of becoming informants will be organized into mass graves.
Undaunted by its failure to help overthrow Hugo Chavez in Venezuela, the New York Times soiled itself again yesterday by running a puff piece about Uribe. But don't worry, after he kills several thousand peasants, the Times will consider printing an apology.
What's more shocking? The fact that Bush knew something or the fact that Bush knew anything?
Did you catch Ari Fleischer at Friday's White House press briefing? He looked like he was auditioning for work as a tomato can on FOX's Celebrity Boxing.
Court-appointed President Bush threw a tantrum in the form of a rambling speech before Republican Senators at a private gathering last Thursday. A raging and incoherent Bush caused the assembled senators great discomfort and embarrassment. So if anyone ever says Bush never accomplished anything remind them that he actually managed to make a group that included Trent Lott, Jesse Helms and Orrin Hatch feel shame. After hearing the speech several senators drafted legislation that would make it illegal for Bush to ever speak extemporaneously again.
Bush's wigging out is reminiscent of when Ronald Reagan, upset about Iran-Contra revelations, said, "I have a bitter bile in my throat." To which we responded, "Oh no, his brain is leaking!."
Laura Bush came to W's defense concerning 9-11 saying that it was, "very sad that people would play upon the victims' families emotions, or all American's emotions." She then resumed work on the American flag bodysuit, featuring a special inlay of the flaming towers, she was sewing for her husband.
In a speech meant to counter Jimmy Carter's recent conversion to sanity concerning Cuba, Bush said a first step toward normal relations between Havana and Washington would require "certifiably free and fair elections." If it happens in 2004 all Americans will owe Fidel Castro a debt of gratitude. In the Cuba speech, W said the walls of oppression cannot stand "when the floodgates of information are opened" -- which explains why he's so damned hypervigilant about White House leaks. Bush proposed a resumption of direct mail connections with Cuba in hopes that at least some anthrax spores, created by the U.S. military and proven lethal in domestic field tests, might find their way to the island nation.
Bush's shamelessness is boundless. He lectures Cuba, speaking from a stolen office in which he stonewalls vital information, is at the beck and call of nefarious special interests and works as a cheesy hawker of photos commemorating a disaster that might have been averted had he half a brain, even a mild work ethic or a staff interested in doing anything but furthering his corrupt regime's dastardly assault on peace, environmental sanity and human rights. Yet he feels not an inkling of embarrassment as he browbeats a country he's trying to starve about how it can become moral enough to find its way into his good graces. Trouble is, George W. Bush is neither good nor gracious.
The Bush defense is to claim that all they were expecting pre-911 were old-fashioned hijackings so there was no need to warn the public about them. Imagine if the weather service employed the same logic. "We were only expecting an ice storm, not a blizzard so we saw no need to issue travel advisories."
If they don't stop letting Condaleezza Rice appear on television the only person who is going to continue to believe she is an intellectual will be W. But then to Bush's thinking, Adam Sandler is an intellectual. Why does Shadow Governor Cheney only speak in public when he wants to remind us that nothing should be said in public? Two TV appearances yesterday and Cheney still failed to disclose any details of his Enrongy policy meetings of last year.
Dick "Ignore that scam behind the curtain!"Cheney. In a Sunday FOX NEWS appearance Cheney said, "I've got a real problem with the suggestion that somehow my president had information and failed to act upon it to prevent the attack of Sept. 11." Well at least he finally admitted to whom Bush belongs. The court-appointed veep maintains that Bush handled pre-911 intelligence properly. "He performed his duties beautifully. He called me right way and passed along the information before he resumed playing video golf," said Cheney.
Have you noticed how the risk of Al Qaeda attacks seems to increase exponentially whenever there is a risk of truth coming out about the Court-appointed Bush Administration?
Apparently nothing agitates Al Qaeda like domestic criticism of Bush.
How hilarious is the Court-appointed Bush Administration's attempt to characterize legitimate questions about 9-11 as partisan, political and unpatriotic when they have done everything but use it on cereal boxes to promote their extremely partisan political agenda?
Is it too much to ask a White House, charged with representing the people, just what it was doing leading up to the largest crisis those people have faced in decades? Of course since Bush wasn't elected he feels much less responsible to the people than previous presidents.
Maybe if there had been more criticism of Bush prior to 9-11 it would have provoked Cheney to claim that "prospects of a future attack on the U.S. are almost a certainty," back in August like he did on TV Sunday.
What was the Court-appointed Bush Administration doing pre-911? They were busy counting Enron money and mixing up batches of anthrax, that's what.
The new Republican defense is now clear. They simply maintain that since America still has enemies, those enemies are likely to attack again so it would be disloyal to question the competence of people whose lousy stewardship over the country may have allowed the last attacks to succeed.
And since we can never question Cheney, Bush and cronies, they will always remain in power, always inflict a horrible foreign policy upon the world, guaranteeing a bountiful supply of enemies who will always pose a threat of attack -- therefore rendering any criticism of sacred Republican leadership impossible for all but those who wish to be painted as supportive of those who would do violence to America.
In other words, I'm looking into applying for political asylum in East Timor.
© 2002 Barry Crimmins
http://www.barrycrimmins.com
Far right-wing Colombian presidential candidate Alvaro Uribe is promising that if elected he will double the size of the country's army and police force as well as organize organize one million villagers to serve as informants. You have to figure the main peasant organizing tool will be the automatic weapons carried by all those soldiers and cops.
Peasants who resist the allure of becoming informants will be organized into mass graves.
Undaunted by its failure to help overthrow Hugo Chavez in Venezuela, the New York Times soiled itself again yesterday by running a puff piece about Uribe. But don't worry, after he kills several thousand peasants, the Times will consider printing an apology.
What's more shocking? The fact that Bush knew something or the fact that Bush knew anything?
Did you catch Ari Fleischer at Friday's White House press briefing? He looked like he was auditioning for work as a tomato can on FOX's Celebrity Boxing.
Court-appointed President Bush threw a tantrum in the form of a rambling speech before Republican Senators at a private gathering last Thursday. A raging and incoherent Bush caused the assembled senators great discomfort and embarrassment. So if anyone ever says Bush never accomplished anything remind them that he actually managed to make a group that included Trent Lott, Jesse Helms and Orrin Hatch feel shame. After hearing the speech several senators drafted legislation that would make it illegal for Bush to ever speak extemporaneously again.
Bush's wigging out is reminiscent of when Ronald Reagan, upset about Iran-Contra revelations, said, "I have a bitter bile in my throat." To which we responded, "Oh no, his brain is leaking!."
Laura Bush came to W's defense concerning 9-11 saying that it was, "very sad that people would play upon the victims' families emotions, or all American's emotions." She then resumed work on the American flag bodysuit, featuring a special inlay of the flaming towers, she was sewing for her husband.
In a speech meant to counter Jimmy Carter's recent conversion to sanity concerning Cuba, Bush said a first step toward normal relations between Havana and Washington would require "certifiably free and fair elections." If it happens in 2004 all Americans will owe Fidel Castro a debt of gratitude. In the Cuba speech, W said the walls of oppression cannot stand "when the floodgates of information are opened" -- which explains why he's so damned hypervigilant about White House leaks. Bush proposed a resumption of direct mail connections with Cuba in hopes that at least some anthrax spores, created by the U.S. military and proven lethal in domestic field tests, might find their way to the island nation.
Bush's shamelessness is boundless. He lectures Cuba, speaking from a stolen office in which he stonewalls vital information, is at the beck and call of nefarious special interests and works as a cheesy hawker of photos commemorating a disaster that might have been averted had he half a brain, even a mild work ethic or a staff interested in doing anything but furthering his corrupt regime's dastardly assault on peace, environmental sanity and human rights. Yet he feels not an inkling of embarrassment as he browbeats a country he's trying to starve about how it can become moral enough to find its way into his good graces. Trouble is, George W. Bush is neither good nor gracious.
The Bush defense is to claim that all they were expecting pre-911 were old-fashioned hijackings so there was no need to warn the public about them. Imagine if the weather service employed the same logic. "We were only expecting an ice storm, not a blizzard so we saw no need to issue travel advisories."
If they don't stop letting Condaleezza Rice appear on television the only person who is going to continue to believe she is an intellectual will be W. But then to Bush's thinking, Adam Sandler is an intellectual. Why does Shadow Governor Cheney only speak in public when he wants to remind us that nothing should be said in public? Two TV appearances yesterday and Cheney still failed to disclose any details of his Enrongy policy meetings of last year.
Dick "Ignore that scam behind the curtain!"Cheney. In a Sunday FOX NEWS appearance Cheney said, "I've got a real problem with the suggestion that somehow my president had information and failed to act upon it to prevent the attack of Sept. 11." Well at least he finally admitted to whom Bush belongs. The court-appointed veep maintains that Bush handled pre-911 intelligence properly. "He performed his duties beautifully. He called me right way and passed along the information before he resumed playing video golf," said Cheney.
Have you noticed how the risk of Al Qaeda attacks seems to increase exponentially whenever there is a risk of truth coming out about the Court-appointed Bush Administration?
Apparently nothing agitates Al Qaeda like domestic criticism of Bush.
How hilarious is the Court-appointed Bush Administration's attempt to characterize legitimate questions about 9-11 as partisan, political and unpatriotic when they have done everything but use it on cereal boxes to promote their extremely partisan political agenda?
Is it too much to ask a White House, charged with representing the people, just what it was doing leading up to the largest crisis those people have faced in decades? Of course since Bush wasn't elected he feels much less responsible to the people than previous presidents.
Maybe if there had been more criticism of Bush prior to 9-11 it would have provoked Cheney to claim that "prospects of a future attack on the U.S. are almost a certainty," back in August like he did on TV Sunday.
What was the Court-appointed Bush Administration doing pre-911? They were busy counting Enron money and mixing up batches of anthrax, that's what.
The new Republican defense is now clear. They simply maintain that since America still has enemies, those enemies are likely to attack again so it would be disloyal to question the competence of people whose lousy stewardship over the country may have allowed the last attacks to succeed.
And since we can never question Cheney, Bush and cronies, they will always remain in power, always inflict a horrible foreign policy upon the world, guaranteeing a bountiful supply of enemies who will always pose a threat of attack -- therefore rendering any criticism of sacred Republican leadership impossible for all but those who wish to be painted as supportive of those who would do violence to America.
In other words, I'm looking into applying for political asylum in East Timor.
© 2002 Barry Crimmins