CrimQuips
Quips & Comments 5-28-02 Tuesday, May 28, 2002
by Barry Crimmins
http://www.barrycrimmins.com
Let me get this straight -- the FBI may not be the most reliable or trustworthy organization in America? Not since Louis discovered gambling at Rick's Cafe has there been such a shocking revelation.
The FBI will stick to its standard policy and refrain from commenting on Special Agent Coleen Rowley's 9-11 whistle-blowing letter until the agency has had a chance to rewrite it. When you consider all the scummy things Ashcroft has done, only to be exposed by an FBI whistle-blower, you have to ask: is there no extremely right-wing God??
George W. Bush spoke at the American Cemetery in Normandy on Memorial Day and was the stiffest person in the place.
Did you see Bush walk up that long row of grave-markers? Not once did he stop and look at one of them. Not once did he read a name or pause and reflect. He was a bloodless android, woodenly passing grave after grave, headed toward a podium where he was about to co-opt their sacrifice for his own purposes. Watching that man walk in public makes you realize that if anyone could have a difficult time negotiating a bowel of pretzels, he's the guy. Bush's supposedly inspirational Memorial Day Speech sounded like it was lifted from a History Channel voice-over of old D-Day footage.
Wow, they came in boats? From over there? And the Nazis fired at them? You know everything, Mr. Court-appointed President!
Bush announced that the soldiers who died on D-Day wouldn't be forgotten. Thank goodness that oft-overlooked moment in history will now benefit from formal recognition by a cheesy little man in search of a photo-op.
And since the Americans who died on D-Day gave their all to defeat fascist tyranny they also gave Court-appointed President Bush a license, 58 years later, to militarily impose his will all over the world while trampling civil liberties at home, right? So now an unelected president, with an administration stocked with death squad diplomats, right-wing industrialists and religious bigots has co-opted Normandy's hallowed ground for blatantly petty and political purposes. And anyone who dares question any of them had better watch out or they'll be whisked away to a "special" camp located somewhere in the netherworld of Dick Cheney's Subterranean Shadowland.
Dick Cheney's Subterranean Shadowland -- the very latest in scheme parks!
The spot where Bush gave his speech in Normandy shall hereafter be referred to as "hollowed" ground. It would have been much more appropriate for Bush to speak at the grave of an AWOL National Guardsman who got killed in a Memorial Day weekend drunk-driving accident.
If hypocrisy were a source of alternative energy, the Oval Office would produce enough juice to put the fossil fuel, hydro and nuclear rackets out of business.
Of course as soon as it was discovered, W would give all the rights to the new "hypoelectric" energy to Haliburton and Enron. Bush met today with Pope John Paul II at the Vatican where the pontiff thanked the court-appointed president for bungling 9-11 intelligence badly enough to finally get pedophile priests out of banner headlines. Pooh -poohing the viability of protests that have hounded him during his European travels, Jr said, "I drive through the streets of Berlin seeing hundreds of people lining the road, waving." W failed to disclose that those waving hundreds were cops sending Bush in the opposite direction of tens of thousands of protesters that they'd restrained several blocks away.
Bush derided NBC reporter David Gregory for asking French president Jacques Chirac a question in French, he then turned his rage at the nearby English Channel for being full of water. While in Russia, Bush reportedly signed several former members of TASS to shore up press secretary Ari Fleischer's staff.
I'm looking forward to the day they announce Bush is fighting a cold (the traditional beginning of the end for Soviet leaders) Bush recently blathered, "we hold dear what our Declaration of Independence says, that all have got uninalienable rights, endowed by a Creator." Of course what he meant to say was his administration will never question alien right-wingers lest he risk losing what few votes he actually got in Florida in 2000. How many survivors of 9-11 victims were too traumatized by the Court-appointed Bush Administration's recent spate of bogus terrorist alerts to go out and visit the victims' graves on the first Memorial Day after their deaths?
Look at the bright side, if Bush and Cheney wrap themselves any more tightly in the flag, they'll suffocate.
First they'll suffer brain damage but it will be very hard to discern. If Bush really cared so much for war veterans why didn't he send some representatives to lay wreaths on the graves of Vietnam War era sailors who were unwitting guinea pigs in Pentagon nerve gas tests?
Because the nerve gas testing probably hasn't caused any (acknowledged )deaths. Apparently they were testing safety nerve gas.
And what of the vets used as cut-rate subjects of Veteran's Administration drug tests for big pharmaceutical companies? Who will lay wreaths upon their graves? Bush's trip to Europe could make it a much more pleasant place for Americans to visit in the future --- so long as we remember to renounce our U.S. citizenship as soon as we arrive.
2002 Barry Crimmins
http://www.barrycrimmins.com
Let me get this straight -- the FBI may not be the most reliable or trustworthy organization in America? Not since Louis discovered gambling at Rick's Cafe has there been such a shocking revelation.
The FBI will stick to its standard policy and refrain from commenting on Special Agent Coleen Rowley's 9-11 whistle-blowing letter until the agency has had a chance to rewrite it. When you consider all the scummy things Ashcroft has done, only to be exposed by an FBI whistle-blower, you have to ask: is there no extremely right-wing God??
George W. Bush spoke at the American Cemetery in Normandy on Memorial Day and was the stiffest person in the place.
Did you see Bush walk up that long row of grave-markers? Not once did he stop and look at one of them. Not once did he read a name or pause and reflect. He was a bloodless android, woodenly passing grave after grave, headed toward a podium where he was about to co-opt their sacrifice for his own purposes. Watching that man walk in public makes you realize that if anyone could have a difficult time negotiating a bowel of pretzels, he's the guy. Bush's supposedly inspirational Memorial Day Speech sounded like it was lifted from a History Channel voice-over of old D-Day footage.
Wow, they came in boats? From over there? And the Nazis fired at them? You know everything, Mr. Court-appointed President!
Bush announced that the soldiers who died on D-Day wouldn't be forgotten. Thank goodness that oft-overlooked moment in history will now benefit from formal recognition by a cheesy little man in search of a photo-op.
And since the Americans who died on D-Day gave their all to defeat fascist tyranny they also gave Court-appointed President Bush a license, 58 years later, to militarily impose his will all over the world while trampling civil liberties at home, right? So now an unelected president, with an administration stocked with death squad diplomats, right-wing industrialists and religious bigots has co-opted Normandy's hallowed ground for blatantly petty and political purposes. And anyone who dares question any of them had better watch out or they'll be whisked away to a "special" camp located somewhere in the netherworld of Dick Cheney's Subterranean Shadowland.
Dick Cheney's Subterranean Shadowland -- the very latest in scheme parks!
The spot where Bush gave his speech in Normandy shall hereafter be referred to as "hollowed" ground. It would have been much more appropriate for Bush to speak at the grave of an AWOL National Guardsman who got killed in a Memorial Day weekend drunk-driving accident.
If hypocrisy were a source of alternative energy, the Oval Office would produce enough juice to put the fossil fuel, hydro and nuclear rackets out of business.
Of course as soon as it was discovered, W would give all the rights to the new "hypoelectric" energy to Haliburton and Enron. Bush met today with Pope John Paul II at the Vatican where the pontiff thanked the court-appointed president for bungling 9-11 intelligence badly enough to finally get pedophile priests out of banner headlines. Pooh -poohing the viability of protests that have hounded him during his European travels, Jr said, "I drive through the streets of Berlin seeing hundreds of people lining the road, waving." W failed to disclose that those waving hundreds were cops sending Bush in the opposite direction of tens of thousands of protesters that they'd restrained several blocks away.
Bush derided NBC reporter David Gregory for asking French president Jacques Chirac a question in French, he then turned his rage at the nearby English Channel for being full of water. While in Russia, Bush reportedly signed several former members of TASS to shore up press secretary Ari Fleischer's staff.
I'm looking forward to the day they announce Bush is fighting a cold (the traditional beginning of the end for Soviet leaders) Bush recently blathered, "we hold dear what our Declaration of Independence says, that all have got uninalienable rights, endowed by a Creator." Of course what he meant to say was his administration will never question alien right-wingers lest he risk losing what few votes he actually got in Florida in 2000. How many survivors of 9-11 victims were too traumatized by the Court-appointed Bush Administration's recent spate of bogus terrorist alerts to go out and visit the victims' graves on the first Memorial Day after their deaths?
Look at the bright side, if Bush and Cheney wrap themselves any more tightly in the flag, they'll suffocate.
First they'll suffer brain damage but it will be very hard to discern. If Bush really cared so much for war veterans why didn't he send some representatives to lay wreaths on the graves of Vietnam War era sailors who were unwitting guinea pigs in Pentagon nerve gas tests?
Because the nerve gas testing probably hasn't caused any (acknowledged )deaths. Apparently they were testing safety nerve gas.
And what of the vets used as cut-rate subjects of Veteran's Administration drug tests for big pharmaceutical companies? Who will lay wreaths upon their graves? Bush's trip to Europe could make it a much more pleasant place for Americans to visit in the future --- so long as we remember to renounce our U.S. citizenship as soon as we arrive.
2002 Barry Crimmins