CrimQuips
Quips & Comments 5-24-02 Friday, May 24, 2002
by Barry Crimmins
http://www.barrycrimmins.com
In a European stump speech, W castigated Saddam Hussein because "he gassed his own people." How tacky! Anyone knows the only moral way to kill your own people is with lethal injections.
If Bush is so opposed to gassing people, how does he explain his stance on the Kyoto Accords?
Whose idea was it to have General Tommy Franks run the Purported War on Terrorism from Tampa? "I'm sorry Major, I understand you're under heavy fire but General Franks can't speak now, he's throwing out the first ball at the Devil Rays game... again. Try him on his cell phone at Hooters after the game."
If we promise to never again ask where he's been, do you think Dick Cheney could be convinced to ooze back into his subterranean pit and restrict his paranoid, fascistic rants to his fellow shadow-dwellers?
Nuclear powers India and Pakistan are about to go to war and what is the purported leader of the Free World doing? He's in Europe on a saber-rattling mission to promote war.
Not that Bush should be concerned with what's going on in Pakistan or anything.
If terrorists terrorize by promoting fear of random violence, what does that make the Court-appointed Bush Administration for its recent spate of politically motivated terrorist alerts intended to scare the bejeebers out of the American people?
If you answered "terrorists" to the above question, you're correct!
And if there have to be fake terrorist alerts, why not target New York City for them? Lord knows the Big Apple hasn't been through enough recently.
Issuing bogus terror alerts in New York City is akin to setting off false fire alarms at the Shriner Burn Center.
Or yelling "PRIEST!" in a roomful of altar boys.
There was maybe one person left in Greater New York not suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder but after a week of phony politically motivated terrorist alerts it must be a clean sweep by now.
The White Guy House has said that recent terrorist alerts are the result of information developed at the Guantanamo Bay prison camp. This raises a rather pertinent question: If a man who has been in prison for six months is still getting reliable updates from his terrorist organization, just what kind of a prison camp are they running?
Do the alleged Al Queda members in Guantanamo get voicemail? Where do they recharge their cell phones?
What a coincidence!! The day after Bush let it slip that his first priority on Sept 11 was his own safety, we're told a terrorist has disclosed that the White House was the target of the flight that went down in Pennsylvania.
It's understandable that anyone would want to flee the carnage of September 11 but Bush's admission that, "I was trying to get out of harm's way," is rather hard to reconcile with his attempts to insinuate himself among the heroes who ran into burning buildings, gave their lives for fellow workers or stood and fought murderers in the same skies he was traveling in safety and luxury as his people died and his country burned.
No matter how they try to spin it, on September 11 Bush ignored the safety of the schoolchildren he was visiting by not ordering their evacuation because he was too busy turning into the Incredible President Limpett. The kids were lucky the little bastard didn't trample them as he turned tail and ran scared in the exact opposite direction of the scenes of horror that befell thousands of innocents. The next day half his staff's top priority was to cover his cowardice with lies that were quickly exposed. There was no call to the Secret Service and even if Bush had been targeted HE WASN'T HIT, others were. As the the true targets lay trapped and dying or dead under the rubble, our top government officials' first mission was to lie about why W went Barney Fife on us. And now they are trying it again. How weak. How sad. How transparent. How utterly Republican.
If you're an American and you get "exit-polled" this fall , when they ask you why you didn't vote Republican just say, "Much like the president on September 11, I was trying to get out of harm's way."
The FBI director and vice president both say that future terrorist attacks are inevitable and there's no stopping them. If that's so can we please stop killing innocent peop... er, causing collateral damage? Can we stop wasting billions of dollars on a hopeless cause?
That whirring sound from Arlington National Cemetery emanates from thousands of soldiers spinning in their graves at the thought of an unelected president, sending out his verbal henchman to terrorize the American people with trumped up warnings of imminent and random violence.
On Memorial Day John Ashcroft is going to lay a wreath at the grave in which he recently buried the Bill of Rights.
OK, Ashcroft didn't bury the Second Amendment because without guns it would be much harder for his friends in the militias to properly support his destruction of the rest of the document.
Can anyone avoid cringing when they watch Bush browbeat people when he's abroad? As if it weren't embarrassing enough to be an American -- this yo-yo has to go and give live demonstrations of his stupidity before the assembled European media.
Language barriers aren't a problem for for W when he travels -- just one glance into his beady little eyes and people the world over know he's a shifty weasel. Former Take the Money Enron chair Kenny Boy Lay, a man with whom Bush claimed he was not close, attended several White House functions, including the inaugural, the Easter Egg roll, T-ball games, speeches and social events. He was also said to be a contributing factor in the "pretzel lodge" although he was not at the White House that day.
In fact Lay was with Bush so much its surprising he didn't swing Air Force One by Houston on 9-11 to take Kenny Boy to Nebraska with him.
Since the Berlin Wall has been torn down let's hope Bush got to visit some of the SS graves Ronald Reagan couldn't get to when he was there.
Bush said yesterday, "I have no war plans on my desk." True enough, obviously they're in his vest pocket.
Security authorities caused a hellacious traffic jam when they closed the Brooklyn Bridge for four hours to search it for bombs. No explosives were found but a large cache of cheesy political motives belonging to the Court-appointed Bush Administration was discovered.
Check it out!: An excellent and growing resource about the Court-appointed Bush Administration's actions leading up to and surrounding the 9-11 attacks can be found at my friend Carolyn Kay's Make Them Accountable on its special page: What Did They Know and When Did They Know It
Barry's special thanks go out to Bruce Levy, Tom Duffy and Steve Kohlrieter for their generous and insightful assistance.
2002 Barry Crimmins
http://www.barrycrimmins.com
In a European stump speech, W castigated Saddam Hussein because "he gassed his own people." How tacky! Anyone knows the only moral way to kill your own people is with lethal injections.
If Bush is so opposed to gassing people, how does he explain his stance on the Kyoto Accords?
Whose idea was it to have General Tommy Franks run the Purported War on Terrorism from Tampa? "I'm sorry Major, I understand you're under heavy fire but General Franks can't speak now, he's throwing out the first ball at the Devil Rays game... again. Try him on his cell phone at Hooters after the game."
If we promise to never again ask where he's been, do you think Dick Cheney could be convinced to ooze back into his subterranean pit and restrict his paranoid, fascistic rants to his fellow shadow-dwellers?
Nuclear powers India and Pakistan are about to go to war and what is the purported leader of the Free World doing? He's in Europe on a saber-rattling mission to promote war.
Not that Bush should be concerned with what's going on in Pakistan or anything.
If terrorists terrorize by promoting fear of random violence, what does that make the Court-appointed Bush Administration for its recent spate of politically motivated terrorist alerts intended to scare the bejeebers out of the American people?
If you answered "terrorists" to the above question, you're correct!
And if there have to be fake terrorist alerts, why not target New York City for them? Lord knows the Big Apple hasn't been through enough recently.
Issuing bogus terror alerts in New York City is akin to setting off false fire alarms at the Shriner Burn Center.
Or yelling "PRIEST!" in a roomful of altar boys.
There was maybe one person left in Greater New York not suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder but after a week of phony politically motivated terrorist alerts it must be a clean sweep by now.
The White Guy House has said that recent terrorist alerts are the result of information developed at the Guantanamo Bay prison camp. This raises a rather pertinent question: If a man who has been in prison for six months is still getting reliable updates from his terrorist organization, just what kind of a prison camp are they running?
Do the alleged Al Queda members in Guantanamo get voicemail? Where do they recharge their cell phones?
What a coincidence!! The day after Bush let it slip that his first priority on Sept 11 was his own safety, we're told a terrorist has disclosed that the White House was the target of the flight that went down in Pennsylvania.
It's understandable that anyone would want to flee the carnage of September 11 but Bush's admission that, "I was trying to get out of harm's way," is rather hard to reconcile with his attempts to insinuate himself among the heroes who ran into burning buildings, gave their lives for fellow workers or stood and fought murderers in the same skies he was traveling in safety and luxury as his people died and his country burned.
No matter how they try to spin it, on September 11 Bush ignored the safety of the schoolchildren he was visiting by not ordering their evacuation because he was too busy turning into the Incredible President Limpett. The kids were lucky the little bastard didn't trample them as he turned tail and ran scared in the exact opposite direction of the scenes of horror that befell thousands of innocents. The next day half his staff's top priority was to cover his cowardice with lies that were quickly exposed. There was no call to the Secret Service and even if Bush had been targeted HE WASN'T HIT, others were. As the the true targets lay trapped and dying or dead under the rubble, our top government officials' first mission was to lie about why W went Barney Fife on us. And now they are trying it again. How weak. How sad. How transparent. How utterly Republican.
If you're an American and you get "exit-polled" this fall , when they ask you why you didn't vote Republican just say, "Much like the president on September 11, I was trying to get out of harm's way."
The FBI director and vice president both say that future terrorist attacks are inevitable and there's no stopping them. If that's so can we please stop killing innocent peop... er, causing collateral damage? Can we stop wasting billions of dollars on a hopeless cause?
That whirring sound from Arlington National Cemetery emanates from thousands of soldiers spinning in their graves at the thought of an unelected president, sending out his verbal henchman to terrorize the American people with trumped up warnings of imminent and random violence.
On Memorial Day John Ashcroft is going to lay a wreath at the grave in which he recently buried the Bill of Rights.
OK, Ashcroft didn't bury the Second Amendment because without guns it would be much harder for his friends in the militias to properly support his destruction of the rest of the document.
Can anyone avoid cringing when they watch Bush browbeat people when he's abroad? As if it weren't embarrassing enough to be an American -- this yo-yo has to go and give live demonstrations of his stupidity before the assembled European media.
Language barriers aren't a problem for for W when he travels -- just one glance into his beady little eyes and people the world over know he's a shifty weasel. Former Take the Money Enron chair Kenny Boy Lay, a man with whom Bush claimed he was not close, attended several White House functions, including the inaugural, the Easter Egg roll, T-ball games, speeches and social events. He was also said to be a contributing factor in the "pretzel lodge" although he was not at the White House that day.
In fact Lay was with Bush so much its surprising he didn't swing Air Force One by Houston on 9-11 to take Kenny Boy to Nebraska with him.
Since the Berlin Wall has been torn down let's hope Bush got to visit some of the SS graves Ronald Reagan couldn't get to when he was there.
Bush said yesterday, "I have no war plans on my desk." True enough, obviously they're in his vest pocket.
Security authorities caused a hellacious traffic jam when they closed the Brooklyn Bridge for four hours to search it for bombs. No explosives were found but a large cache of cheesy political motives belonging to the Court-appointed Bush Administration was discovered.
Check it out!: An excellent and growing resource about the Court-appointed Bush Administration's actions leading up to and surrounding the 9-11 attacks can be found at my friend Carolyn Kay's Make Them Accountable on its special page: What Did They Know and When Did They Know It
Barry's special thanks go out to Bruce Levy, Tom Duffy and Steve Kohlrieter for their generous and insightful assistance.
2002 Barry Crimmins