CrimQuips
Quips & Comments 2-23-02 Tuesday, February 19, 2002
by Barry Crimmins
From the Obits: John W. Gardner, 89, founder of Common Cause recently passed away as did Vernon Walters, 85, a Common Cause of Death as a Reagan and CIA functionary.
Vernon Walters died of jowl failure. He traveled to over 100 nations for Reagan as a roving ambassador. Close to a dozen governments were still intact when Walters departed the various countries.
Walters is best remembered for knowing how to say "coup d'etat" in 33 languages.
Enron had several back channels open to Al Gore in hopes the corporation would be able to influence him in case he had been allowed to serve as president after winning the 2000 election. Due to a boundless slush fund built from Enron and other sleazy sources, other back channel influence was directed to Florida and then Washington thus rendering the final purchase of Gore unnecessary.
Enron also had a contingency plan in case Ralph Nader had won. Considering Vernon Walters age at the time, the coup would have been anything but a sure thing but the plan was nevertheless in place.
Walters proudest achievement during his declining years was placing Monica Lewinsky in the White House.
The Court-appointed Bush Administration demonstrated its fidelity to the environment with its announcement that it wants to permit nuclear waste production facilities (which in Gullible is pronounced "nuclear power plants") on federal lands. This will guarantee these properties will remain free of human inhabitation for the next couple hundred thousand years.
In defending the Court-appointed Bush administration's scheme to route nuclear waste across the entire country to a planned Yucca Mountain repository in Nevada, Energy Secretary Spencer Abraham said, "Everyone travels to Nevada to gamble so what better destination for the riskiest cargo of all?"
If Bush's Yucca Mountain nuke waste dump plan is implemented, the entire state of Nevada becomes a game of chance.
You don't suppose Osama bin Laden knows about this Yucca Mountain plan, do you?
Wasn't it romantic of the court-appointed Bush Administration to wait for Valentines Day to cut so many sweetheart deals for the Nuclear Waste Production Industry?
And so soon after its tough breakup with Enron!
Like Cheney says, "You gotta get right back on that whore!"
90% of the nation's rest homes are understaffed and so tens of thousands of elderly and permanently incapacitated people live in the terror of neglect, isolation and despair while resources that could be used to bring them hope are being spent on a phoney war against terror that is already spreading hopelessness and despair to innocents abroad. Does Tom Brokaw know about this??
In honor of W's visit, Japan graciously renamed itself "The Land of the Really Stupid Son" for the duration of his stay.
Court-appointed President Bush called Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi of Japan "a great reformer" during the meeting of the two men. Koizumi returned the compliment by saying, "There'd be no need for reform if it weren't for people like George W. Bush."
W's Dad prepared him for the Japanese visit by giving him a large bottle of ipecac.
Japanese Prime Minister Koizumi said he prepared for a visit from a Bush family member by viewing several "Gallagher" videos.
Corporate energy concerns are worried that Enron's collapse could have a long-term negative impact on the way energy business is done. The most distressing ramification is that after Enron got done with its looting there is just so much less left for the rest of the corporations to steal.
Too bad Enron didn't learn to conserve suckers.
Record companies portrayed recording artists as the victims of on-line services like Napster to win court decisions against the services. Then they set up their own on-line music distribution system under which the artists still don't get anything. It's nice to know there is still one industry that can use good men like Ken Lay.
Let's Roll... the corrupt court-appointed Bush Administration out of Washington!
WEASEL UPDATE: I've been made aware of two details since running my essay "Axis of Weasels" last week.
First- W didn't attend OCS school (as may have been inferred from the piece), he was handed his commission, sound familiar?
Second- After telling young Sasha Cohen he couldn't stay in Utah to watch any Olympic competition because "I have a war to fight." Bush immediately headed for the front lines in Jackson Hole, Wyoming.
That's the difference between W and regular people, regular people wouldn't have the crack US Intelligence community -- and W's Daddy had lots to do with the crack (well cocaine, anyway) when he was CIA chief --- to inform us that Osama had targeted a winter playground almost dead center in the lower 48 for terrorist activities.
I guess you can pack a lot of explosives into a ski boot!
Metal detectors make those lift lines move mighty slow.
2002 Barry Crimmins
From the Obits: John W. Gardner, 89, founder of Common Cause recently passed away as did Vernon Walters, 85, a Common Cause of Death as a Reagan and CIA functionary.
Vernon Walters died of jowl failure. He traveled to over 100 nations for Reagan as a roving ambassador. Close to a dozen governments were still intact when Walters departed the various countries.
Walters is best remembered for knowing how to say "coup d'etat" in 33 languages.
Enron had several back channels open to Al Gore in hopes the corporation would be able to influence him in case he had been allowed to serve as president after winning the 2000 election. Due to a boundless slush fund built from Enron and other sleazy sources, other back channel influence was directed to Florida and then Washington thus rendering the final purchase of Gore unnecessary.
Enron also had a contingency plan in case Ralph Nader had won. Considering Vernon Walters age at the time, the coup would have been anything but a sure thing but the plan was nevertheless in place.
Walters proudest achievement during his declining years was placing Monica Lewinsky in the White House.
The Court-appointed Bush Administration demonstrated its fidelity to the environment with its announcement that it wants to permit nuclear waste production facilities (which in Gullible is pronounced "nuclear power plants") on federal lands. This will guarantee these properties will remain free of human inhabitation for the next couple hundred thousand years.
In defending the Court-appointed Bush administration's scheme to route nuclear waste across the entire country to a planned Yucca Mountain repository in Nevada, Energy Secretary Spencer Abraham said, "Everyone travels to Nevada to gamble so what better destination for the riskiest cargo of all?"
If Bush's Yucca Mountain nuke waste dump plan is implemented, the entire state of Nevada becomes a game of chance.
You don't suppose Osama bin Laden knows about this Yucca Mountain plan, do you?
Wasn't it romantic of the court-appointed Bush Administration to wait for Valentines Day to cut so many sweetheart deals for the Nuclear Waste Production Industry?
And so soon after its tough breakup with Enron!
Like Cheney says, "You gotta get right back on that whore!"
90% of the nation's rest homes are understaffed and so tens of thousands of elderly and permanently incapacitated people live in the terror of neglect, isolation and despair while resources that could be used to bring them hope are being spent on a phoney war against terror that is already spreading hopelessness and despair to innocents abroad. Does Tom Brokaw know about this??
In honor of W's visit, Japan graciously renamed itself "The Land of the Really Stupid Son" for the duration of his stay.
Court-appointed President Bush called Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi of Japan "a great reformer" during the meeting of the two men. Koizumi returned the compliment by saying, "There'd be no need for reform if it weren't for people like George W. Bush."
W's Dad prepared him for the Japanese visit by giving him a large bottle of ipecac.
Japanese Prime Minister Koizumi said he prepared for a visit from a Bush family member by viewing several "Gallagher" videos.
Corporate energy concerns are worried that Enron's collapse could have a long-term negative impact on the way energy business is done. The most distressing ramification is that after Enron got done with its looting there is just so much less left for the rest of the corporations to steal.
Too bad Enron didn't learn to conserve suckers.
Record companies portrayed recording artists as the victims of on-line services like Napster to win court decisions against the services. Then they set up their own on-line music distribution system under which the artists still don't get anything. It's nice to know there is still one industry that can use good men like Ken Lay.
Let's Roll... the corrupt court-appointed Bush Administration out of Washington!
WEASEL UPDATE: I've been made aware of two details since running my essay "Axis of Weasels" last week.
First- W didn't attend OCS school (as may have been inferred from the piece), he was handed his commission, sound familiar?
Second- After telling young Sasha Cohen he couldn't stay in Utah to watch any Olympic competition because "I have a war to fight." Bush immediately headed for the front lines in Jackson Hole, Wyoming.
That's the difference between W and regular people, regular people wouldn't have the crack US Intelligence community -- and W's Daddy had lots to do with the crack (well cocaine, anyway) when he was CIA chief --- to inform us that Osama had targeted a winter playground almost dead center in the lower 48 for terrorist activities.
I guess you can pack a lot of explosives into a ski boot!
Metal detectors make those lift lines move mighty slow.
2002 Barry Crimmins