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Barry Crimmins

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Quips & Comments 4-11-02 Thursday, April 11, 2002

Inspired by its court-appointed president, the United States celebrates National Workplace Nap Day this week.

Since learning that the containment vessel at the Davis-Besse nuclear waste production facility outside of Toledo, Ohio had rotted to the point where only a corroded half-inch lid stood between the reactor's highly lethal and pressurized contents and the general public, Energy Secretary Spencer Abraham (aka/Deadly Kilowatt) has ordered all similar reactors be aimed towards the proposed nuke waste dump at Yucca Mountain Nevada. That way, when they do blow, at least they'll be headed in the right direction.

Considering the alarming rate at which global warming is progressing, W feels it's imperative to drill for oil in the Arctic National Wildlife refuge NOW, before it can only be obtained through costly off-shore drilling.

Rather than drill for more oil, why not just start burying sport utility vehicles?

Earlier this week Bush toured Knoxville's Citizens' Police Academy, which he considers a model for the rest of the nation. At the facility citizens are trained to turn in people of questionable politics, religious backgrounds, skin coloration and sexual orientation.

Bush is encouraging people to volunteer in efforts to keep America secure from enemies of freedom -- and by doing so he's annoying Republicans who are trying to get elected this fall.

"I'm here to explain to the nation the importance of citizens becoming involved with preparedness in their communities," Bush said. Just imagine how much better things would be if more Americans had been prepared to fight for democracy prior to election of 2000.

While the U.S. military authority continues Operation Mountain Lion in Afghanistan, the court-appointed Bush Administration continues Operation Mounting Lies in Washington.

Kudos to the courageous members of the Israeli armed forces who killed a Palestinian policeman this week as he maliciously attempted to extinguish a fire at the Church of the Nativity.

The policeman later learned there is no room at the morgue in Bethlehem.

In the beginning there were priests and they saw that the collar was good.... for covering up what they did with what was under the rest of their robes.

Many Boston Catholics are now kicking themselves for not questioning those NAMBLA Journal inserts in the Sunday Bulletin.

The growing crisis of pedophile priests is causing the Catholic Church to lose so many members of the clergy that it's now asking lay people to assist in the betrayal of children.

Palestinian kids are being told "it could be worse, you could be in a parochial school in the United States."

Considering how much each thrives on the blood of innocents, you have to wonder if Hamas is secretly funding Sharon or vice versa.

After taking just several weeks to identify the West Bank crisis, Bush dispatched Colin Powell to the scene. Powell left several days later and immediately headed to Morocco, then to Egypt and then to that bastion of Middle East diplomacy, Spain. Apparently Powell's using the same travel agent that W employed September 11.

What was Powell doing in Morocco? Picking up letters of transit at Rick's Cafe?

2002 Barry Crimmins

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