CrimQuips
CrimQuips 1-28-02 Monday, January 28, 2002
by Barry Crimmins
Ari Flesicher says the Enron debacle is a corporate scandal and not a political one. That's an interesting comment from the spokesperson for a man who promised to run the government just like a corporation.
What he meant to say is he would have the government run by a corporation but you have to remember that during Campaign 2000 almost nobody knew about Enron.
Even if it is a corporate and not a political scandal, what's the difference with the White House and a large chunk of Congress nothing more than wholly owned Enron corporate subsidiaries?
Enron's accounting firm, Arthur Andersen, has changed its name to "Andersen." Considering its farfetched bookkeeping practices perhaps Andersen should have prefixed its new name with "Hans Christian."
Considering all the shredding Andersen has done, the firm needs to take a refresher course in why its called "bookKEEPING."
At one point at Thursday's congressional inquiry into the Enron scandal it looked like Andersen fallguy David B. Duncan was going to answer some questions. But then Ken Lay had Duncan's long lost brother flown in from Italy and Duncan went back to blathering something about "the legitimate distribution of olive oil."
Of course Andersen won't be the last name change in the Take the Money Enron Scandal. No doubt the witness protection program will be giving all sorts of former Enron and Andersen employees new identities.
The witness protection maneuvers could lead to questions such as: Who is this new staff member "Benny Boy?" And why is Bush so enamored with him?
What better time than now to release all nonviolent drug "offenders?" This would open scores of thousands of prison cells that will be needed for all the corporate officials, accountants, politicians and political operatives guilty of real crimes in the Enron scandal.
Enron shareholders could recoup some of their money if they invest in firms that construct prison golf courses.
It's now apparent that the only people given worse information about the company's fiscal viability than Enron's stockholders were Enron's insider traders. Except, that is, for Enron employees.
Hopefully the criminals who got scammed as Enron insiders will have enough money left to secure lawyers to represent them for their violations of S.E.C code
.AOL is suing Microsoft. AOL vs. Microsoft is like the KKK vs. the Al Queda Network-- there's no sentimental favorite.
The Catholic Church's new plan for dealing with pedophile priests is interesting. Rather than let local archdioceses deal with allegations of child molestation by priests, now all evidence is gathered, put into a diplomatic pouch and flown to Rome where the local office of Arthur Andersen organizes the investigation.
Just because Dick Cheney has had two Boeing 767 engines converted to paper shredders and installed in his office doesn't mean that he is somehow implicated in this Enron thing.
Those Andersen reps claiming that their firm's malfeasance was the responsibility of David B. Duncan alone have all the credibility of Enron's annual report.
The Lone Auditor Theory.
Lee Harvey Duncan.
2002 Barry Crimmins
Ari Flesicher says the Enron debacle is a corporate scandal and not a political one. That's an interesting comment from the spokesperson for a man who promised to run the government just like a corporation.
What he meant to say is he would have the government run by a corporation but you have to remember that during Campaign 2000 almost nobody knew about Enron.
Even if it is a corporate and not a political scandal, what's the difference with the White House and a large chunk of Congress nothing more than wholly owned Enron corporate subsidiaries?
Enron's accounting firm, Arthur Andersen, has changed its name to "Andersen." Considering its farfetched bookkeeping practices perhaps Andersen should have prefixed its new name with "Hans Christian."
Considering all the shredding Andersen has done, the firm needs to take a refresher course in why its called "bookKEEPING."
At one point at Thursday's congressional inquiry into the Enron scandal it looked like Andersen fallguy David B. Duncan was going to answer some questions. But then Ken Lay had Duncan's long lost brother flown in from Italy and Duncan went back to blathering something about "the legitimate distribution of olive oil."
Of course Andersen won't be the last name change in the Take the Money Enron Scandal. No doubt the witness protection program will be giving all sorts of former Enron and Andersen employees new identities.
The witness protection maneuvers could lead to questions such as: Who is this new staff member "Benny Boy?" And why is Bush so enamored with him?
What better time than now to release all nonviolent drug "offenders?" This would open scores of thousands of prison cells that will be needed for all the corporate officials, accountants, politicians and political operatives guilty of real crimes in the Enron scandal.
Enron shareholders could recoup some of their money if they invest in firms that construct prison golf courses.
It's now apparent that the only people given worse information about the company's fiscal viability than Enron's stockholders were Enron's insider traders. Except, that is, for Enron employees.
Hopefully the criminals who got scammed as Enron insiders will have enough money left to secure lawyers to represent them for their violations of S.E.C code
.AOL is suing Microsoft. AOL vs. Microsoft is like the KKK vs. the Al Queda Network-- there's no sentimental favorite.
The Catholic Church's new plan for dealing with pedophile priests is interesting. Rather than let local archdioceses deal with allegations of child molestation by priests, now all evidence is gathered, put into a diplomatic pouch and flown to Rome where the local office of Arthur Andersen organizes the investigation.
Just because Dick Cheney has had two Boeing 767 engines converted to paper shredders and installed in his office doesn't mean that he is somehow implicated in this Enron thing.
Those Andersen reps claiming that their firm's malfeasance was the responsibility of David B. Duncan alone have all the credibility of Enron's annual report.
The Lone Auditor Theory.
Lee Harvey Duncan.
2002 Barry Crimmins