CrimQuips
Quips & Comments 1-21-02 Monday, January 21, 2002
Martin Luther King Jr. Day is a great holiday for two reason:
1- It honors a great man
2- It annoys bigots to almost no end.
Happy MLK Day everyone!
When he took office a year ago (emphasis on "took") Jr. Bush promised a " new era of personal responsibility." Since then he has been personally responsible for furthering the corruption of a previously obscenely corrupt electoral process, the shredding of the Bill of Rights and providing reserved parking for Enron officials at the White House.
Ken Lay's lawyer says the reason Enron's chief dumped his stock last year was so he could repay loans he owed the company. It turns out Lay had overextended himself in an attempt to buy a complete set of US politicians.
Too bad for its employees that Enron didn't possess Ken Lay's diligence concerning paying debts.
Kenny Boy would have been in trouble sooner had he not helped in the hostile takeover of the White House.
Imagine how much sooner Enron would have gone broke had the corporation paid ANY TAXES in the last five years.
Joseph F. Berardino, CEO of Arthur Andersen, the Official Accounting Firm of the Enron Debacle, said the corporation collapsed because "its business model failed." Too bad his employees couldn't have figured that out and disclosed it in a timely fashion.
The accountants should have warned of the ensuing Enron collapse but unfortunately Arthur Anderson's business model failed.
Clayton Vernon was fired from Enron when he wrote on an internet bulletin board ,"Ken Lay is the sorriest sack of garbage I have ever been associated with, a truly evil and satanic figure." Apparently Enron dismissed Vernon for disclosing company secrets.
Connecticut Senator Joe Lieberman's former chief of staff was a lobbyist for Enron. Lieberman also received campaign and PAC contributions from the corporation which he will begin to investigate with hearings this week. Lieberman has promised a thorough inquiry that will not become "a witch hunt." Then he excused himself so he could go lunch on Eye of Newt salad.
Responding to calls for Lieberman to recuse himself over the Take the Money Enron scandal an indignant Lieberman sputtered, "To say Enron owns me is absurd. Anyone who knows me knows that I am first, last and always a pawn of the Insurance industry!"
Lieberman must feel particularly betrayed that his fellow Republicans have turned on him over this Enron thing.
"Americans trust the Republicans to do a better job of keeping our communities and our families safe," White House Director of Scoundrelism Karl Rove told Republican National Committee last week. He continued, " That is, unless those communities have poor people, Enron employees or drinking water."
The best thing Enron did for its beloved Republican party was to purchase several Democrats with its ill-begotten funds.
Once again Ralph Nader political incompetence is clear. How could he have called himself a politician and not gotten at least a few thousand from Enron?
The three courageous New York firefighters who restaged the staged Iwo Jima photo are suing because they want the statue that will commemorate their plagiarism to reflect the fact that it was three white guys who were the narcissists who thought to co-opt history and then milk it and not the racially diverse trio planned for the idiotically embarrassing choice for a memorial.
Here's a new item you can charge to your new credit cards replete with the American flag -- it's the American flag doormat!
They are really selling American flag doormats-- and now, just in time for Mud Season! The Confederate flag doormat!
Get one for your favorite outraged New York firefighter!
The latest tribute to America's crack intelligence community-- it took the Pakistani leader to inform us, several months into the chase, that Osama bin Laden is a kidney dialysis patient.
Unanswered questions from last week's case of W's pretzel illogic. How the hell does someone get those kind of facial injuries from falling in a living room? What's the upholstery made of, coarse sandpaper? Or did he land in a bowl of incredibly hard pretzels?
Maybe Bush scraped his face on a copy of one of Dick Cheney's speeches.
What does Ariel Sharon have to do to make it to the USA's terrorist hit list? The poor guy blows up houses, broadcast centers, jails, office buildings, he points tanks at political leaders, directs missile attacks on populated areas.... and what does he get for his efforts? The US sends troops to the Philippines to track down a few fringe whackos who commit an occasional kidnapping. There's no justice in this world!
Copyright 2002 Barry Crimmins
1- It honors a great man
2- It annoys bigots to almost no end.
Happy MLK Day everyone!
When he took office a year ago (emphasis on "took") Jr. Bush promised a " new era of personal responsibility." Since then he has been personally responsible for furthering the corruption of a previously obscenely corrupt electoral process, the shredding of the Bill of Rights and providing reserved parking for Enron officials at the White House.
Ken Lay's lawyer says the reason Enron's chief dumped his stock last year was so he could repay loans he owed the company. It turns out Lay had overextended himself in an attempt to buy a complete set of US politicians.
Too bad for its employees that Enron didn't possess Ken Lay's diligence concerning paying debts.
Kenny Boy would have been in trouble sooner had he not helped in the hostile takeover of the White House.
Imagine how much sooner Enron would have gone broke had the corporation paid ANY TAXES in the last five years.
Joseph F. Berardino, CEO of Arthur Andersen, the Official Accounting Firm of the Enron Debacle, said the corporation collapsed because "its business model failed." Too bad his employees couldn't have figured that out and disclosed it in a timely fashion.
The accountants should have warned of the ensuing Enron collapse but unfortunately Arthur Anderson's business model failed.
Clayton Vernon was fired from Enron when he wrote on an internet bulletin board ,"Ken Lay is the sorriest sack of garbage I have ever been associated with, a truly evil and satanic figure." Apparently Enron dismissed Vernon for disclosing company secrets.
Connecticut Senator Joe Lieberman's former chief of staff was a lobbyist for Enron. Lieberman also received campaign and PAC contributions from the corporation which he will begin to investigate with hearings this week. Lieberman has promised a thorough inquiry that will not become "a witch hunt." Then he excused himself so he could go lunch on Eye of Newt salad.
Responding to calls for Lieberman to recuse himself over the Take the Money Enron scandal an indignant Lieberman sputtered, "To say Enron owns me is absurd. Anyone who knows me knows that I am first, last and always a pawn of the Insurance industry!"
Lieberman must feel particularly betrayed that his fellow Republicans have turned on him over this Enron thing.
"Americans trust the Republicans to do a better job of keeping our communities and our families safe," White House Director of Scoundrelism Karl Rove told Republican National Committee last week. He continued, " That is, unless those communities have poor people, Enron employees or drinking water."
The best thing Enron did for its beloved Republican party was to purchase several Democrats with its ill-begotten funds.
Once again Ralph Nader political incompetence is clear. How could he have called himself a politician and not gotten at least a few thousand from Enron?
The three courageous New York firefighters who restaged the staged Iwo Jima photo are suing because they want the statue that will commemorate their plagiarism to reflect the fact that it was three white guys who were the narcissists who thought to co-opt history and then milk it and not the racially diverse trio planned for the idiotically embarrassing choice for a memorial.
Here's a new item you can charge to your new credit cards replete with the American flag -- it's the American flag doormat!
They are really selling American flag doormats-- and now, just in time for Mud Season! The Confederate flag doormat!
Get one for your favorite outraged New York firefighter!
The latest tribute to America's crack intelligence community-- it took the Pakistani leader to inform us, several months into the chase, that Osama bin Laden is a kidney dialysis patient.
Unanswered questions from last week's case of W's pretzel illogic. How the hell does someone get those kind of facial injuries from falling in a living room? What's the upholstery made of, coarse sandpaper? Or did he land in a bowl of incredibly hard pretzels?
Maybe Bush scraped his face on a copy of one of Dick Cheney's speeches.
What does Ariel Sharon have to do to make it to the USA's terrorist hit list? The poor guy blows up houses, broadcast centers, jails, office buildings, he points tanks at political leaders, directs missile attacks on populated areas.... and what does he get for his efforts? The US sends troops to the Philippines to track down a few fringe whackos who commit an occasional kidnapping. There's no justice in this world!
Copyright 2002 Barry Crimmins