CrimQuips
Quips & Comments 1-30-02 Wednesday, January 30, 2002
by Barry Crimmins
For those of you who missed the State of the Union, here it is incondensed form: A zillion terrorists are trained and ready to strikeat us, right now!!! Trust me on this! No time for petty concerns likeEnron or any of several dozen other sleazy deals at the stolen WhiteHouse. Divest yourselves of cumbersome items like civil liberties. Wemust travel light in this battle. All there is time for is panic andblind obedience to me, the shifty beady-eyed weasel you must nowworship as your savior from evildoers! I command you!!
Considering all the Al Qaeda documents Bush says the US hasrecovered, the terrorist organization must be lamenting its failureto hire Andersen to handle its records.
At least Al Qaeda should have had the good sense to detail what theywere up to in a meeting with Dick Cheney, then there secrets wouldhave been safe for sure!
All that CIA money and not one shredder? Who equipped those caves?
Look at that George W. Bush's eyes and tell me you think he has anyidea how to ever tell the truth about anything. This guy is socrooked he could hide behind the proverbial corkscrew.
Why don't they ever acknowledge the folks at SeaWorld for their hardwork training the court-appointed prez before he makes one of his bigaddresses?
Bush intended to mention Enron in his State of the Union Address.Unfortunately that part of the speech was accidentally shredded byhis accountant.
Thousands of fossilized impressions of jellyfish, that were killed ina storm 510 million years ago, have been discovered in a Wisconsinquarry. This makes the spineless creatures the oldest known ancestorsof modern corporate journalists.
Popular Boston bumpersticker: Repeal Cardinal Law!
Court-appointed President Bush says Yasir Arafat is "enhancing terror"and he's right. For example, if Arafat were not sitting in his officeSharon would have to find something else to aim his tanks at.
Bush might actually win Florida in 2002 if he can build on theexcitement he has created in Miami by returning Batista-style prisonsto Cuba
.You'd think Ralph "Right to impose dogmas on others lives" Reedwould have been a natural opponent of an abortion of a corporationlike Enron but he happily joined the company's payroll so as not tocreate a drag on the Bush 2000 campaign's central slush fund. Nowthat's a team player!
From the "Heroes ain't what they used to be" department: EdwardMcMellon, the white cop who shot to death unarmed and innocent AmadouDiallo, has joined the New York Fire Department.
Preliminary word on the Enron official who was found dead last weekis that he had been despondent because so many people believed VinceFoster had committed suicide.
Hans Christian Andersen has begun test marketing this defense: SinceEnron didn't really do anything except to manipulate markets, therewere no beans for bean counters to count.
People say Enron didn't DO anything, it just spun and skimmed, butin fairness it should be noted that it has provided enough energyto illuminate some of the darker corners of a sordid and secretiveWhite House.
In explaining why his court-appointed administration should not beheld accountable for its backroom dealings, Dubyahoo said, "It's notonly important for us, for this administration, it's an importantprinciple for future administrations. For instance, in a hundredyears when some of the great-grandchildren of the Enron victims havefinally managed to rebuild a family nestegg, suppose some slickoutfit wants to buy White House access and influence so that it canfleece those people out of that money? We must not tie that futureadministration's hands from being able to help an American businessat such a crucial juncture!"
It was recently revealed in a Dutch story that Attorney General JohnAshcroft fears calico cats because he considers them to be a sign ofthe devil. Now Cheney has had a nude statue at the Justice Departmentcovered so that he is never again caught in a photo with such asordid image. This is the man who is in charge of justice in theUnited States of America, a superstitious, sexually retarded Nazi whocan't reshape this country to fit his twisted views quickly enough.Ashcroft may be the worst person ( NOTE: Henry Kissinger is noteligible for consideration in the "person" category) to ever be amember of the Cabinet. At this point a lot of people would sell theirsouls to a Calico cat if it could help run him from public office.
2002 Barry Crimmins
For those of you who missed the State of the Union, here it is incondensed form: A zillion terrorists are trained and ready to strikeat us, right now!!! Trust me on this! No time for petty concerns likeEnron or any of several dozen other sleazy deals at the stolen WhiteHouse. Divest yourselves of cumbersome items like civil liberties. Wemust travel light in this battle. All there is time for is panic andblind obedience to me, the shifty beady-eyed weasel you must nowworship as your savior from evildoers! I command you!!
Considering all the Al Qaeda documents Bush says the US hasrecovered, the terrorist organization must be lamenting its failureto hire Andersen to handle its records.
At least Al Qaeda should have had the good sense to detail what theywere up to in a meeting with Dick Cheney, then there secrets wouldhave been safe for sure!
All that CIA money and not one shredder? Who equipped those caves?
Look at that George W. Bush's eyes and tell me you think he has anyidea how to ever tell the truth about anything. This guy is socrooked he could hide behind the proverbial corkscrew.
Why don't they ever acknowledge the folks at SeaWorld for their hardwork training the court-appointed prez before he makes one of his bigaddresses?
Bush intended to mention Enron in his State of the Union Address.Unfortunately that part of the speech was accidentally shredded byhis accountant.
Thousands of fossilized impressions of jellyfish, that were killed ina storm 510 million years ago, have been discovered in a Wisconsinquarry. This makes the spineless creatures the oldest known ancestorsof modern corporate journalists.
Popular Boston bumpersticker: Repeal Cardinal Law!
Court-appointed President Bush says Yasir Arafat is "enhancing terror"and he's right. For example, if Arafat were not sitting in his officeSharon would have to find something else to aim his tanks at.
Bush might actually win Florida in 2002 if he can build on theexcitement he has created in Miami by returning Batista-style prisonsto Cuba
.You'd think Ralph "Right to impose dogmas on others lives" Reedwould have been a natural opponent of an abortion of a corporationlike Enron but he happily joined the company's payroll so as not tocreate a drag on the Bush 2000 campaign's central slush fund. Nowthat's a team player!
From the "Heroes ain't what they used to be" department: EdwardMcMellon, the white cop who shot to death unarmed and innocent AmadouDiallo, has joined the New York Fire Department.
Preliminary word on the Enron official who was found dead last weekis that he had been despondent because so many people believed VinceFoster had committed suicide.
Hans Christian Andersen has begun test marketing this defense: SinceEnron didn't really do anything except to manipulate markets, therewere no beans for bean counters to count.
People say Enron didn't DO anything, it just spun and skimmed, butin fairness it should be noted that it has provided enough energyto illuminate some of the darker corners of a sordid and secretiveWhite House.
In explaining why his court-appointed administration should not beheld accountable for its backroom dealings, Dubyahoo said, "It's notonly important for us, for this administration, it's an importantprinciple for future administrations. For instance, in a hundredyears when some of the great-grandchildren of the Enron victims havefinally managed to rebuild a family nestegg, suppose some slickoutfit wants to buy White House access and influence so that it canfleece those people out of that money? We must not tie that futureadministration's hands from being able to help an American businessat such a crucial juncture!"
It was recently revealed in a Dutch story that Attorney General JohnAshcroft fears calico cats because he considers them to be a sign ofthe devil. Now Cheney has had a nude statue at the Justice Departmentcovered so that he is never again caught in a photo with such asordid image. This is the man who is in charge of justice in theUnited States of America, a superstitious, sexually retarded Nazi whocan't reshape this country to fit his twisted views quickly enough.Ashcroft may be the worst person ( NOTE: Henry Kissinger is noteligible for consideration in the "person" category) to ever be amember of the Cabinet. At this point a lot of people would sell theirsouls to a Calico cat if it could help run him from public office.
2002 Barry Crimmins