CrimQuips
Quips & Comments 2-8-02 Friday, February 8, 2002
by Barry Crimmins
Those Enron officials are a special breed. Even when they refuse to talk they can still make it crystal clear that they are lying.
MSNBC is now airing a new show called " Alan Keyes Is Making Sense." If the show succeeds the cable network will follow it with another new program, "And George W. Bush Is a Competent, Honest and Legitimately Elected Chief Executive"
To whom is Alan Keys making sense? Moonies that free base LSD?
There's a growing rift between W and Kaiser Ashcroft over the Kaiser's annoyance with Bush for insisting on using "Axis" as a pejorative term.
The only thing former Enron front office didn't lose (other than their own stolen fortunes) was sleep over the consumers, stockholders and employees the corporation robbed.
An unprecedented military buildup combined with record tax breaks for the ultra-wealthy rings a hauntingly familiar bell. Apparently W.'s inability to recall fiscal idiocy isn't the only thing he has in common with Ronald Reagan.
The military buildup is understandable. If America's working people ever truly fathom how much they are being screwed, the ultra-wealthy will need every branch of the armed services to protect them
.That's an interesting plan the Bushies are attempting to foist upon us, where healthcare for the poor begins at conception and ends at birth.
Of course if the child is female she can rely upon a lifetime of misogyny
.If they get away with this you have to figure they'll find a way to have fetuses voting in Florida in 2004.
CIA Director George Tenet told a congressional hearing "Intelligence will never give you 100 percent predictive capability on terrorist events. If it did, a lot of people would have been on to my organization years ago."
Tenet also said, "Al Qaeda is still very capable of committing terrorist acts in the USA -- but on the upside, several thousand innocent Afghans will never again pose even a remote threat to our country."
The number of foreign-born and first generation residents in the United States has reached the highest level in history. Warts and all, the USA is an attractive destination for these people. After all, what's a little racial profiling by the domestic police when compared with neighborhood profiling by the US Air Force?
Not even the NYPD can rival the USAF when it comes to collateral damage.
Ronald Reagan and Mr. Potatohead both celebrated birthdays on February 6, making Potatohead the smartest celebrity to have been born on the date.
Potatohead was also the more accomplished actor.
The best part about the Sack Loot City Winter Olympics is that with all of the adjacent nationalism and jingoism the United States should finally run out of flags several days before the closing ceremonies.
Considering how much graft has been involved in the Sack Loot City games you have to wonder if there's any gold is left for medals.
Two Harvard students have been accused of embezzling $100,000 from the schools Hasty Pudding Theatricals. They were immediately dismissed from the organization but would have resigned anyway since they needed time to sort out offers from Enron, Andersen and Allied Irish Banks
.The Harvard students blew their cover when they pushed for Hasty Pudding to honor Ken Lay as man of the year.
The Central Intelligence Agency has paid more than $1,000 to each of the families of Afghans killed in a raid on what was erroneously thought to be an Al Qaeda stronghold. At that price an Afghan would only need to lose 25-30 family members before receiving enough money to buy a beautiful new sport utility vehicle, which can also serve as a wonderful all-terrain hearse.
The Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Boston has suspended six more priests from all assignments because of accusations child sexual molestation. This leaves a grand total of four Boston area priests not under suspicion of child molestation. Thus far neither the four priests nor their wives have chosen to comment on the scandal.
But somebody ought to check and make sure their kids are OK.
The Vatican has chosen Andersen to account for how the Church managed to let so many predators harm so many children, for so long, without acting. It will be a large challenge for the accounting firm-- not even Jeffrey K. Skilling could claim ignorance of corruption as widespread as that in the Archdiocese of Boston.
The only thing Skilling seems to remember is how to feather his own nest.
2002 Barry Crimmins
Those Enron officials are a special breed. Even when they refuse to talk they can still make it crystal clear that they are lying.
MSNBC is now airing a new show called " Alan Keyes Is Making Sense." If the show succeeds the cable network will follow it with another new program, "And George W. Bush Is a Competent, Honest and Legitimately Elected Chief Executive"
To whom is Alan Keys making sense? Moonies that free base LSD?
There's a growing rift between W and Kaiser Ashcroft over the Kaiser's annoyance with Bush for insisting on using "Axis" as a pejorative term.
The only thing former Enron front office didn't lose (other than their own stolen fortunes) was sleep over the consumers, stockholders and employees the corporation robbed.
An unprecedented military buildup combined with record tax breaks for the ultra-wealthy rings a hauntingly familiar bell. Apparently W.'s inability to recall fiscal idiocy isn't the only thing he has in common with Ronald Reagan.
The military buildup is understandable. If America's working people ever truly fathom how much they are being screwed, the ultra-wealthy will need every branch of the armed services to protect them
.That's an interesting plan the Bushies are attempting to foist upon us, where healthcare for the poor begins at conception and ends at birth.
Of course if the child is female she can rely upon a lifetime of misogyny
.If they get away with this you have to figure they'll find a way to have fetuses voting in Florida in 2004.
CIA Director George Tenet told a congressional hearing "Intelligence will never give you 100 percent predictive capability on terrorist events. If it did, a lot of people would have been on to my organization years ago."
Tenet also said, "Al Qaeda is still very capable of committing terrorist acts in the USA -- but on the upside, several thousand innocent Afghans will never again pose even a remote threat to our country."
The number of foreign-born and first generation residents in the United States has reached the highest level in history. Warts and all, the USA is an attractive destination for these people. After all, what's a little racial profiling by the domestic police when compared with neighborhood profiling by the US Air Force?
Not even the NYPD can rival the USAF when it comes to collateral damage.
Ronald Reagan and Mr. Potatohead both celebrated birthdays on February 6, making Potatohead the smartest celebrity to have been born on the date.
Potatohead was also the more accomplished actor.
The best part about the Sack Loot City Winter Olympics is that with all of the adjacent nationalism and jingoism the United States should finally run out of flags several days before the closing ceremonies.
Considering how much graft has been involved in the Sack Loot City games you have to wonder if there's any gold is left for medals.
Two Harvard students have been accused of embezzling $100,000 from the schools Hasty Pudding Theatricals. They were immediately dismissed from the organization but would have resigned anyway since they needed time to sort out offers from Enron, Andersen and Allied Irish Banks
.The Harvard students blew their cover when they pushed for Hasty Pudding to honor Ken Lay as man of the year.
The Central Intelligence Agency has paid more than $1,000 to each of the families of Afghans killed in a raid on what was erroneously thought to be an Al Qaeda stronghold. At that price an Afghan would only need to lose 25-30 family members before receiving enough money to buy a beautiful new sport utility vehicle, which can also serve as a wonderful all-terrain hearse.
The Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Boston has suspended six more priests from all assignments because of accusations child sexual molestation. This leaves a grand total of four Boston area priests not under suspicion of child molestation. Thus far neither the four priests nor their wives have chosen to comment on the scandal.
But somebody ought to check and make sure their kids are OK.
The Vatican has chosen Andersen to account for how the Church managed to let so many predators harm so many children, for so long, without acting. It will be a large challenge for the accounting firm-- not even Jeffrey K. Skilling could claim ignorance of corruption as widespread as that in the Archdiocese of Boston.
The only thing Skilling seems to remember is how to feather his own nest.
2002 Barry Crimmins