CrimQuips
CrimQuips 10/14/02 Monday, October 14, 2002
Commentary by Barry Crimmins
http://www.barrycrimmins.com
Gee, you don't suppose that murderer in the Washington D.C area might have received some military training do you?
And what do you bet that we'll learn it could have been worse but fortunately the D.C. lunatic had taken an NRA gun safety course?
I suppose "D.C. lunatic" isn't specific enough. It only weeds out a few people.
How about "D.C. gun lunatic?" Nope, last week we learned Congress was full of people looking to join that list.
I enjoy the cable TV news coverage of the lunatic random killer in D.C. "Coming up next, we'll spend an hour debating whether or not the media has given this madman too much attention."
The people of Baghdad feel for the people of Washington. They know what it's like to live in the looming fear of what a violent lunatic might next do.
The Office of Homeland Security in Washington will be closed until it is safe once again for its workers to traverse the streets surrounding its headquarters.
This is a RED security alert. This means people in the Washington area should wait until a RED light comes on before attempting to refill their gas tanks.
D.C Area Gas Prices: Self Serve $1.39/gal ---- Full Serve $5.99/gal
Put on your a Kevlar jumpsuit and your helmet and fill 'er up.
Cover me and I'll check the oil.
I guess we can file some of these deaths under the burgeoning "people dying for petroleum" category .
Jimmy Carter should be ashamed of himself. Imagine winning a peace prize, in the United States, at a time like this!
Carter would have us build homes rather than blow them up-- what a traitor!
You have to wonder how Carter can call himself a Christian. He needs a copy of W's bible!
I believe it's called the King George edition.
The only thing that recommends most congressional Democrats right now is that they are all that stands between the Bushists and full control of the entire federal government.
But then they were the only thing that stood between tens of thousands of Iraqi peasants and impending doom.
Let's hope there's no truth to the rumor that Tom Daschle and John Kerry have quietly invested in a shroud manufacturer in Baghdad.
Harry Belafonte made a lot of Dems nervous with talk of House slaves collaborating with the court-appointed Prez.
Imagine Harry Belafonte speaking out against Colin Powell just because the Secretary of State has made a career of collaborating with people like Ronald Reagan, George Herbert Walker Bush and his court-appointed son. To hear him talk, you'd think Belafonte had done something himself, like help fund Martin Luther King Jr.
In fairness, it must be noted that Powell has managed to move beyond simply betraying his own people --- in his work as a corporate Hessian, he has betrayed the entire human race.
60 Minutes pundit Andy Rooney is in hot water for saying he hates female sideline reporters at football games. That's silly. Any moron --male or female -- can distract us from the game with obvious information. "Well he was carried off the field and the trainer is looking at his leg so a leg injury may have been whatkept him from walking, back to you, Pat."
You'd hate to see Rooney go, if only because he is the youngest, hippest guy on
60 Minutes.
Maybe Frank Lautenberg wouldn't have accepted the auxiliary New Jersey Democratic U.S Senate bid had he realized the Andy Rooney spot was likely to open up at 60 Minutes.
Of course, at 78 Lautenberg would be kind of young for the 60 Minutes staff but he could grow into the job.
What's the fuss in New York? Since when has Christopher Columbus not
been natural company for the Mafia?
#######
NO JOKE
Just a quick comment on my Donahue appearance.... I think what should matter is not saying the most (in raw verbiage) or saying it the loudest, what should matter is actually saying something of substance. I appreciate Phil giving me several chances to say something of substance. At other times, when the topics were frivolous, I was also
given a chance to at least say something. I think many guests of news roundtables would appreciate it if audience members employed the "say something" measure as opposed to the "loudest and most" measure.
Blowhards will win the "loudest and most award" every time. But so what? It's their measure. They need it because bellowing works as an effective way to censor views they don't want aired. I am not afraid to hear what opponents have to say so I try not to add to the cacophony on such shows by joining in the banshee chorus. I just watch for my spots and try to be as pithy and effective as possible when daylight shines through an opening. Those openings are more likely to come if I haven't helped trash the exchange with a lot of verbal flailing of my own. It's impossible to be perfect in such a situation but it's not hard to bring the average level of civility up a few notches.
Smart people should simply refuse to act as if being the loudest or the most verbose on a talk show means anything at all. It wouldn't if they didn't let it. In other words: please stop writing me and telling me you are sorry I didn't get a chance to say anything on Donahue. I got a chance to say plenty and was happy and thankful for the opportunities.
And that's no joke.
© 2002 Barry Crimmins
*******
http://www.barrycrimmins.com
Gee, you don't suppose that murderer in the Washington D.C area might have received some military training do you?
And what do you bet that we'll learn it could have been worse but fortunately the D.C. lunatic had taken an NRA gun safety course?
I suppose "D.C. lunatic" isn't specific enough. It only weeds out a few people.
How about "D.C. gun lunatic?" Nope, last week we learned Congress was full of people looking to join that list.
I enjoy the cable TV news coverage of the lunatic random killer in D.C. "Coming up next, we'll spend an hour debating whether or not the media has given this madman too much attention."
The people of Baghdad feel for the people of Washington. They know what it's like to live in the looming fear of what a violent lunatic might next do.
The Office of Homeland Security in Washington will be closed until it is safe once again for its workers to traverse the streets surrounding its headquarters.
This is a RED security alert. This means people in the Washington area should wait until a RED light comes on before attempting to refill their gas tanks.
D.C Area Gas Prices: Self Serve $1.39/gal ---- Full Serve $5.99/gal
Put on your a Kevlar jumpsuit and your helmet and fill 'er up.
Cover me and I'll check the oil.
I guess we can file some of these deaths under the burgeoning "people dying for petroleum" category .
Jimmy Carter should be ashamed of himself. Imagine winning a peace prize, in the United States, at a time like this!
Carter would have us build homes rather than blow them up-- what a traitor!
You have to wonder how Carter can call himself a Christian. He needs a copy of W's bible!
I believe it's called the King George edition.
The only thing that recommends most congressional Democrats right now is that they are all that stands between the Bushists and full control of the entire federal government.
But then they were the only thing that stood between tens of thousands of Iraqi peasants and impending doom.
Let's hope there's no truth to the rumor that Tom Daschle and John Kerry have quietly invested in a shroud manufacturer in Baghdad.
Harry Belafonte made a lot of Dems nervous with talk of House slaves collaborating with the court-appointed Prez.
Imagine Harry Belafonte speaking out against Colin Powell just because the Secretary of State has made a career of collaborating with people like Ronald Reagan, George Herbert Walker Bush and his court-appointed son. To hear him talk, you'd think Belafonte had done something himself, like help fund Martin Luther King Jr.
In fairness, it must be noted that Powell has managed to move beyond simply betraying his own people --- in his work as a corporate Hessian, he has betrayed the entire human race.
60 Minutes pundit Andy Rooney is in hot water for saying he hates female sideline reporters at football games. That's silly. Any moron --male or female -- can distract us from the game with obvious information. "Well he was carried off the field and the trainer is looking at his leg so a leg injury may have been whatkept him from walking, back to you, Pat."
You'd hate to see Rooney go, if only because he is the youngest, hippest guy on
60 Minutes.
Maybe Frank Lautenberg wouldn't have accepted the auxiliary New Jersey Democratic U.S Senate bid had he realized the Andy Rooney spot was likely to open up at 60 Minutes.
Of course, at 78 Lautenberg would be kind of young for the 60 Minutes staff but he could grow into the job.
What's the fuss in New York? Since when has Christopher Columbus not
been natural company for the Mafia?
#######
NO JOKE
Just a quick comment on my Donahue appearance.... I think what should matter is not saying the most (in raw verbiage) or saying it the loudest, what should matter is actually saying something of substance. I appreciate Phil giving me several chances to say something of substance. At other times, when the topics were frivolous, I was also
given a chance to at least say something. I think many guests of news roundtables would appreciate it if audience members employed the "say something" measure as opposed to the "loudest and most" measure.
Blowhards will win the "loudest and most award" every time. But so what? It's their measure. They need it because bellowing works as an effective way to censor views they don't want aired. I am not afraid to hear what opponents have to say so I try not to add to the cacophony on such shows by joining in the banshee chorus. I just watch for my spots and try to be as pithy and effective as possible when daylight shines through an opening. Those openings are more likely to come if I haven't helped trash the exchange with a lot of verbal flailing of my own. It's impossible to be perfect in such a situation but it's not hard to bring the average level of civility up a few notches.
Smart people should simply refuse to act as if being the loudest or the most verbose on a talk show means anything at all. It wouldn't if they didn't let it. In other words: please stop writing me and telling me you are sorry I didn't get a chance to say anything on Donahue. I got a chance to say plenty and was happy and thankful for the opportunities.
And that's no joke.
© 2002 Barry Crimmins
*******