CrimQuips
Quips & Comments 6-29-02 Saturday, June 29, 2002
by Barry Crimmins
http://www.barrycrimmins.com
Court-appointed President Bush undergoes a colonoscopy Saturday during which doctors hope to discover the location of his head.
Of course it will be difficult finding it with such large portions of the corporate media already up there.
Isn't it redundant to anesthetize George W. Bush?
If being oblivious means he is incapable of serving as president, why wasn't he replaced a long time ago? Shadow Emperor Dick Cheney has chosen a special cowl to wear during the period of time Bush is unconscious and he serves as acting court-appointed president.
Cheney may even make a speech while the doctors have a camera in the location of his shadow government. "Corporate America has got to understand there's a higher calling than trying to fudge the numbers, trying to slip a billion here or a billion there and may hope nobody notices." -- George W. Bush, who always managed to get by in his business days by only stealing millions.
And of course the Court-appointed Bush administration notices and it expects its cut.
By the way, nice sentence, W!
Fail at speaking English and may hope nobody notices.
Actual Headline from New York Times: "Tweaking Numbers to Meet Goals Comes Back to Haunt Executives" When did it become possible to "tweak" or "slip" BILLIONS OF DOLLARS? Leave it to Xerox to duplicate the scandals of all the other business scoundrels.
I guess we should have expected a copycat crime from Xerox.
Considering the fraudulent accounting practices that have gone into falsely inflating the paper value of companies, paper isn't even worth the ink that's printed on it these days.
How much longer before the hundreds of thousands of unemployed victims of the new era of robber barons demand that the war on terror find a suitable target and direct its resources at Grand Cayman Island?
Nowadays if you get downsized it's more than likely the result of some CEO supersizing himself.
Two million people in jail yet Enron, Arthur Andersen, WorldCom, Tyco, Xerox and court-appointed Bush Administration officials still roam the grounds of their summer homes with impunity. Talk about screwed up priorities!
Speaking of big biz accounting scandal epidemic W said he was, "concerned about the economic impact of the fact that there are some corporate leaders who have not upheld their responsibility." In other words, you guys better still pay your protection money to Karl Rove or things are only going to get worse.
Had we only listened to Bush and put the Social Security trust fund into the stock market, we'd no longer have any money in it to worry about. Here's a crazy idea: make it illegal to tie stock performance to executive pay-- the only thing that results in a bonus is if a company is profitable and solvent. Otherwise they'll just have to limp by on a six or seven or eight figure base salary. If one worker is laid off during a fiscal year, no bonuses for the front office. If the company goes into hock to absorb other companies, no bonuses until such moves prove profitable. Absolutely no more billions for crooks because they can create phony cash flow or manipulate the stock market. Make the widgets, sell the widgets, earn your money. Leave the illusions to Kreskin.
Further proof that Bush's expressed outrage at terrorism is a sham: W calls for renewal of military aid to Indonesia despite lack of any meaningful reform in the country that attempted genocide in East Timor.
When does the next Venezuelan Thousand Oligarch March take place?
My friend Andrew Grice asks, shouldn't it be"oilagarch."
*******
No Joke School children had a good day at the courts on Wednesday when three federal judges ruled the pledge of allegiance unconstitutional because it includes the McCarthy Era addendum "Under God" in the loyalty oath. It would have been a much better ruling had it banished the pledge from schools because children cannot be taught to believe in "liberty and justice for all" by being forced to repeat loyalty oaths by rote each morning.
Unless you were a natural born lemming, the pledge never meant much anyway. What most kids mean when they repeat it could be reduced to these simple words: "I'll pledge allegiance to anything you want so long as I can sit down at 8 o'clock in the morning."
Within 24 hours the ruling was set aside or abandoned or neutered -- I missed the exact language. And so few brief hours of exhilaration over actual judicial sanity in the United States gave way to amplified despair. The media was overrun with outraged patriots who saw it as the end of all that's good in America. After all, how could we still have freedom in a land where children weren't forced to vow nationalistic obedience each morning? Plus it kept the focus away from WorldCom, Xerox, the fading economy, the botching of 9-11 and a court-appointed White House with a Minnie Pearl Memorial price tag dangling from its hat.
The pledge decision being set aside wasn't even close to the worst news for education in the courts on Thursday. The Supreme Court limboed much lower, decreeing that church-state integrationists could be financed with federal funds to imbue children with religious superstitions via the school voucher program. They also ruled that increased random drug testing of children at schools is absolutely OK.
You don't suppose the kids who balk at orally affirming their intent to be lifelong red white and blue zombies are going to be "randomly" drug tested, now do you?
As I've said in the past, the Supreme Court is supposed to be the goalie for the Bill of Rights. Well not only has the goalie been pulled but it's now playing offense for the other team. School vouchers mean that we'll pay taxes to finance the indoctrination of children with religious dogma. Carried to the extreme voucher advocates want, each school kid will bring along tax funds equal to the average amount spent on each child when they head to a private school. Of course these funds will be subtracted from public school budgets. The private schools will not attract special needs students because they require all sorts of extra and expensive facilities and programs. So the public schools those kids go to will deteriorate while churches fill their coffers with tax dollars and their pews with new generations of taxpayer-funded lemmings. Fortunately there are now a lot of Arthur Andersen "retirees" to handle the books for these institutions of higher (power) learning.
In short, if you hate impoverished kids in wheelchairs, vouchers are for you. But then, the court-appointed Bush Administration doesn't think those kids deserve a prayer anyway. And that's no joke.
http://www.barrycrimmins.com
Court-appointed President Bush undergoes a colonoscopy Saturday during which doctors hope to discover the location of his head.
Of course it will be difficult finding it with such large portions of the corporate media already up there.
Isn't it redundant to anesthetize George W. Bush?
If being oblivious means he is incapable of serving as president, why wasn't he replaced a long time ago? Shadow Emperor Dick Cheney has chosen a special cowl to wear during the period of time Bush is unconscious and he serves as acting court-appointed president.
Cheney may even make a speech while the doctors have a camera in the location of his shadow government. "Corporate America has got to understand there's a higher calling than trying to fudge the numbers, trying to slip a billion here or a billion there and may hope nobody notices." -- George W. Bush, who always managed to get by in his business days by only stealing millions.
And of course the Court-appointed Bush administration notices and it expects its cut.
By the way, nice sentence, W!
Fail at speaking English and may hope nobody notices.
Actual Headline from New York Times: "Tweaking Numbers to Meet Goals Comes Back to Haunt Executives" When did it become possible to "tweak" or "slip" BILLIONS OF DOLLARS? Leave it to Xerox to duplicate the scandals of all the other business scoundrels.
I guess we should have expected a copycat crime from Xerox.
Considering the fraudulent accounting practices that have gone into falsely inflating the paper value of companies, paper isn't even worth the ink that's printed on it these days.
How much longer before the hundreds of thousands of unemployed victims of the new era of robber barons demand that the war on terror find a suitable target and direct its resources at Grand Cayman Island?
Nowadays if you get downsized it's more than likely the result of some CEO supersizing himself.
Two million people in jail yet Enron, Arthur Andersen, WorldCom, Tyco, Xerox and court-appointed Bush Administration officials still roam the grounds of their summer homes with impunity. Talk about screwed up priorities!
Speaking of big biz accounting scandal epidemic W said he was, "concerned about the economic impact of the fact that there are some corporate leaders who have not upheld their responsibility." In other words, you guys better still pay your protection money to Karl Rove or things are only going to get worse.
Had we only listened to Bush and put the Social Security trust fund into the stock market, we'd no longer have any money in it to worry about. Here's a crazy idea: make it illegal to tie stock performance to executive pay-- the only thing that results in a bonus is if a company is profitable and solvent. Otherwise they'll just have to limp by on a six or seven or eight figure base salary. If one worker is laid off during a fiscal year, no bonuses for the front office. If the company goes into hock to absorb other companies, no bonuses until such moves prove profitable. Absolutely no more billions for crooks because they can create phony cash flow or manipulate the stock market. Make the widgets, sell the widgets, earn your money. Leave the illusions to Kreskin.
Further proof that Bush's expressed outrage at terrorism is a sham: W calls for renewal of military aid to Indonesia despite lack of any meaningful reform in the country that attempted genocide in East Timor.
When does the next Venezuelan Thousand Oligarch March take place?
My friend Andrew Grice asks, shouldn't it be"oilagarch."
*******
No Joke School children had a good day at the courts on Wednesday when three federal judges ruled the pledge of allegiance unconstitutional because it includes the McCarthy Era addendum "Under God" in the loyalty oath. It would have been a much better ruling had it banished the pledge from schools because children cannot be taught to believe in "liberty and justice for all" by being forced to repeat loyalty oaths by rote each morning.
Unless you were a natural born lemming, the pledge never meant much anyway. What most kids mean when they repeat it could be reduced to these simple words: "I'll pledge allegiance to anything you want so long as I can sit down at 8 o'clock in the morning."
Within 24 hours the ruling was set aside or abandoned or neutered -- I missed the exact language. And so few brief hours of exhilaration over actual judicial sanity in the United States gave way to amplified despair. The media was overrun with outraged patriots who saw it as the end of all that's good in America. After all, how could we still have freedom in a land where children weren't forced to vow nationalistic obedience each morning? Plus it kept the focus away from WorldCom, Xerox, the fading economy, the botching of 9-11 and a court-appointed White House with a Minnie Pearl Memorial price tag dangling from its hat.
The pledge decision being set aside wasn't even close to the worst news for education in the courts on Thursday. The Supreme Court limboed much lower, decreeing that church-state integrationists could be financed with federal funds to imbue children with religious superstitions via the school voucher program. They also ruled that increased random drug testing of children at schools is absolutely OK.
You don't suppose the kids who balk at orally affirming their intent to be lifelong red white and blue zombies are going to be "randomly" drug tested, now do you?
As I've said in the past, the Supreme Court is supposed to be the goalie for the Bill of Rights. Well not only has the goalie been pulled but it's now playing offense for the other team. School vouchers mean that we'll pay taxes to finance the indoctrination of children with religious dogma. Carried to the extreme voucher advocates want, each school kid will bring along tax funds equal to the average amount spent on each child when they head to a private school. Of course these funds will be subtracted from public school budgets. The private schools will not attract special needs students because they require all sorts of extra and expensive facilities and programs. So the public schools those kids go to will deteriorate while churches fill their coffers with tax dollars and their pews with new generations of taxpayer-funded lemmings. Fortunately there are now a lot of Arthur Andersen "retirees" to handle the books for these institutions of higher (power) learning.
In short, if you hate impoverished kids in wheelchairs, vouchers are for you. But then, the court-appointed Bush Administration doesn't think those kids deserve a prayer anyway. And that's no joke.