CrimQuips
CrimQuips 10/8/02 Tuesday, October 8, 2002
Commentary by Barry Crimmins
http://www.barrycrimmins.com
Americans used to get Fireside Chats, now we get Firestorm Chats.
W's pledge to not use military force unless absolutely necessary is about as believable as a kid who says he won't eat more than one piece of Halloween candy if his parents just let him store it in his room.
Bush kept saying "Americans speak with one voice" but he never mentioned how many puppeteers and ventriloquists it takes to make that one voice seem even semi-lifelike.
America speaks with one voice. Unfortunately it emanates from its ass.
Just our luck, we have one voice and we didn't even elect the guy!
Bush gave the speech in a railroad station in Cincinnati just to subtly remind his opponents what Kaiser Ashcroft is planning to do to them.
Last night Bush said, "We have an urgent duty to prevent the worst from occurring.'' Too bad the Supreme Court didn't realize that in 2000.
Rubbing in US noncompliance with the International Criminal Court, Bush warned Iraq's generals that, unlike members of the US high command, they could be tried as war criminals.
If W really is opposed to torture how come he insists on making public attempts to pronounce the word "nuclear"?
By my count he went 0 for 14 in attempts to successfully pronounce "nuclear" during his speech.
Bush has learned to give speeches at night so that investors have to wait until the next morning to trash the stock market.
Bush asked: Why Iraq? Why now? That's easy. Iraq is simple to scapegoat and now is when Bush needs to distract the American people from his abysmally dismal performance as court-appointed president. Any other questions?
If not for Iraq, Bush would be reduced to telling us: "Face the facts, I am ten thousand times more of a threat to our way of life than Saddam. My cabinet and I hate freedom more than any of the enemies we trump up, which is why we have shredded the Bill of Rights. The economy has nosedived under my unelected regime and the corporate criminals responsible for our economic collapse are under my protection. Hell, my lame attempts to affiliate Saddam with al Queda would be unnecessary if there weren't so many irrefutable ties between this White House and the people who have brought economic terror into the homes of millions of Americans. So hurray for Saddam!"
W accused Saddam of using rape as a means of political oppression and coercion. I'm glad to hear a member of the Bush family finally speak out against rape as a means of state torture . If he really believes it, he should round up all of the members of the Reagan and Non-court-appointed Bush administrations who encouraged such tactics during their days as death squad facilitators.
The scariest part of the entire speech was when Bush said Americans wouldn't live in fear.
Right, interstate highways are getting closed on the word of one busybody but we're not living in fear.
The fear line got extended applause, I suppose because everyone was afraid to stop clapping.
Doesn't the preemptive strike epitomize fear? It says, we are afraid you will do something we don't want you to do so we're going to destroy you before you might do it. If you ask me, that's pretty damned fearful.
I like how Bush suggested he needed to protect Turkey and Saudi Arabia by taking military action both countries oppose. Apparently they just aren't free enough to speak in one voice with W.
Once again I must remind Pentagon military geniuses: if Iraq actually has chemical and biological weapons, it would probably be kind of a bad idea to break all of the beakers simultaneously.
Don't bomb Iraq, Styrofoam it!
In his Firestorm Chat, Bush claimed that a senior al Queda official has received medical treatment in Iraq in the past year. What he didn't say was that the official would have gotten treatment in Afghanistan had the USA not blown up all the Red Cross facilities in that country.
Bush tacitly implied he'd rebuild Iraq after leveling it, which means he put in a call to the International Monetary Fund and got a promise that Iraq would get the same swell rate on loans that Brazil now enjoys.
The Bush plan: First we blow you up. Then we make you take out loans to rebuild at rates you can't possibly afford....however we might be able to cut you a slightly friendlier rate if you'd sign over the mineral rights for your nation to the humanitarians at Halliburton.
Brazilians now have a weapon of mass destruction and they are using it against US domination of South America -- the ballot.
Bush is now furiously attempting to find a way to stack the Brazilian Supreme Court.
At its current rate, by 2009 Brazil's entire gross national product will go to paying interest on loans. Rest assured that Bush and his allies will do anything to make sure that day comes.
Anything, that is, short of avoiding the possible World War they are starting in Iraq.
Just Wondering: Can anyone account for Cheney's whereabouts during the recent shooting rampages in metropolitan Washington?
And if they need to question Charton Heston, they should speak with him as soon as possible.
While W is in the Midwest he will preside over several factory closing ceremonies.
"And now to trace the chalk line around the corpse of the American worker, please welcome Court-appointed President George W. Bush!"
© 2002 Barry Crimmins
*******
http://www.barrycrimmins.com
Americans used to get Fireside Chats, now we get Firestorm Chats.
W's pledge to not use military force unless absolutely necessary is about as believable as a kid who says he won't eat more than one piece of Halloween candy if his parents just let him store it in his room.
Bush kept saying "Americans speak with one voice" but he never mentioned how many puppeteers and ventriloquists it takes to make that one voice seem even semi-lifelike.
America speaks with one voice. Unfortunately it emanates from its ass.
Just our luck, we have one voice and we didn't even elect the guy!
Bush gave the speech in a railroad station in Cincinnati just to subtly remind his opponents what Kaiser Ashcroft is planning to do to them.
Last night Bush said, "We have an urgent duty to prevent the worst from occurring.'' Too bad the Supreme Court didn't realize that in 2000.
Rubbing in US noncompliance with the International Criminal Court, Bush warned Iraq's generals that, unlike members of the US high command, they could be tried as war criminals.
If W really is opposed to torture how come he insists on making public attempts to pronounce the word "nuclear"?
By my count he went 0 for 14 in attempts to successfully pronounce "nuclear" during his speech.
Bush has learned to give speeches at night so that investors have to wait until the next morning to trash the stock market.
Bush asked: Why Iraq? Why now? That's easy. Iraq is simple to scapegoat and now is when Bush needs to distract the American people from his abysmally dismal performance as court-appointed president. Any other questions?
If not for Iraq, Bush would be reduced to telling us: "Face the facts, I am ten thousand times more of a threat to our way of life than Saddam. My cabinet and I hate freedom more than any of the enemies we trump up, which is why we have shredded the Bill of Rights. The economy has nosedived under my unelected regime and the corporate criminals responsible for our economic collapse are under my protection. Hell, my lame attempts to affiliate Saddam with al Queda would be unnecessary if there weren't so many irrefutable ties between this White House and the people who have brought economic terror into the homes of millions of Americans. So hurray for Saddam!"
W accused Saddam of using rape as a means of political oppression and coercion. I'm glad to hear a member of the Bush family finally speak out against rape as a means of state torture . If he really believes it, he should round up all of the members of the Reagan and Non-court-appointed Bush administrations who encouraged such tactics during their days as death squad facilitators.
The scariest part of the entire speech was when Bush said Americans wouldn't live in fear.
Right, interstate highways are getting closed on the word of one busybody but we're not living in fear.
The fear line got extended applause, I suppose because everyone was afraid to stop clapping.
Doesn't the preemptive strike epitomize fear? It says, we are afraid you will do something we don't want you to do so we're going to destroy you before you might do it. If you ask me, that's pretty damned fearful.
I like how Bush suggested he needed to protect Turkey and Saudi Arabia by taking military action both countries oppose. Apparently they just aren't free enough to speak in one voice with W.
Once again I must remind Pentagon military geniuses: if Iraq actually has chemical and biological weapons, it would probably be kind of a bad idea to break all of the beakers simultaneously.
Don't bomb Iraq, Styrofoam it!
In his Firestorm Chat, Bush claimed that a senior al Queda official has received medical treatment in Iraq in the past year. What he didn't say was that the official would have gotten treatment in Afghanistan had the USA not blown up all the Red Cross facilities in that country.
Bush tacitly implied he'd rebuild Iraq after leveling it, which means he put in a call to the International Monetary Fund and got a promise that Iraq would get the same swell rate on loans that Brazil now enjoys.
The Bush plan: First we blow you up. Then we make you take out loans to rebuild at rates you can't possibly afford....however we might be able to cut you a slightly friendlier rate if you'd sign over the mineral rights for your nation to the humanitarians at Halliburton.
Brazilians now have a weapon of mass destruction and they are using it against US domination of South America -- the ballot.
Bush is now furiously attempting to find a way to stack the Brazilian Supreme Court.
At its current rate, by 2009 Brazil's entire gross national product will go to paying interest on loans. Rest assured that Bush and his allies will do anything to make sure that day comes.
Anything, that is, short of avoiding the possible World War they are starting in Iraq.
Just Wondering: Can anyone account for Cheney's whereabouts during the recent shooting rampages in metropolitan Washington?
And if they need to question Charton Heston, they should speak with him as soon as possible.
While W is in the Midwest he will preside over several factory closing ceremonies.
"And now to trace the chalk line around the corpse of the American worker, please welcome Court-appointed President George W. Bush!"
© 2002 Barry Crimmins
*******