CrimQuips
CrimQuips 9-13-02 Friday, September 13, 2002
Commentary by Barry Crimmins
http://www.barrycrimmins.com
*******
From the Desk of America, the Carnivorous Dear Loved One of Victim(s) of the September 11, 2001 Terrorist Attack on the World Trade Center: Please don't make any plans for the first anniversary of the massacre of your dearly departed because we have an exciting day scheduled just for you! Wear comfortable shoes! Here's what we're going to do: Bring you back to the pit that now marks the scene of the crime! Give you a ringside seat as we lengthen the Valley of the Shadow of Death and turn it into a made-for TV carnival, starring YOU!! Make you sit through an endless ceremony! (The kids/orphans will love it!)
Retraumatize you by making sure there is a heavily armed, militaristic vibe at all times! PLEASE NOTE: After the ceremony, you'll be expected to mill around for several more hours as you wait to have your picture taken with the trained chimp whose negligence and stupidity were essential elements in the success of the crime committed against your loved one! Please depart promptly after your photo is taken because we have to have the area cleared by 9PM so that NBC's Fear Factor can shoot a very special Ground Zero edition. Please accept our gratitude for complying with this assault on your privacy and dignity.
With warmest regards, America, the Carnivorous
PS- Thank goodness you are still in shock or you would be much more difficult to exploit!
###
Nice speech Bush gave to the UN yesterday. Now I get it-- if we don't have a war, Saddam will continue to threaten the peace.
So what we do is eliminate peace so Saddam has nothing to threaten.
In the speech, the court-appointed prez named Saddam Hussein as Public
Enemy Number One but that might have been because W can only count that high.
In the UN speech, the two key words Dubyahoo uttered were "economic freedom." Because that is what he believes is worth fighting for (OK,worth having others fight for) the economic freedom fat cats will be afforded after they recolonize the world's second largest oil reserve.
Bush said if Hussein isn't ousted "the attacks of Sept. 11 would be a prelude to far greater horrors." It would have to be some pretty bad stuff if it wants to compete with the greater horrors the Court-appointed Bush Administration has already committed in the name of anti-terroism.
Here's what the New York Times now calls migrant workers: guest workers. Are we supposed to put out special towels and soaps and prepare hors d'oeuvres before they arrive?
Sadly, what they really do is cram horribly underpaid migrants into bad living conditions and make them travel in overcrowded vans like the one that plunged off a bridge in Maine yesterday. 14 "guests" from Guatemala and Honduras died in the plunge.
Suggested listening:Deportees by Woody Guthrie.
The crash occurred on a huge tract owned by Seven Islands Land Company
The migrants were working for subcontractor Evergreen Forestry. The general manager of Evergreen, Peter Smith, said the company was still trying to determine whether the van and the workers were connected to Evergreen. Right, and if Evergreen is connected the next thing they will try to determine will be how to cut any ties to the people who died as a result of Evergreen corporate negligence.
Does Evergreen Forestry expect us to believe that migrant workers from Central America, found their way to a desolate part of Maine just because they had an abiding desire to clear dense brush?
What do you bet that the Seven "Islands" in the land company's name include Europe, Asia, Africa, Australia, North and South America and, of course, Martha's Vineyard.
The Miss America Pageant has disqualified Rebekah Revels of North Carolina because her ex-boyfriend has alleged that she has breasts.Scandalous as the thought of a Miss America with breasts might seem,this shouldn't matter. So long as she has an eating disorder, she should be allowed to participate.
Heartwarming news from AOL: Jan Brandt, the vermin behind those AOL discs that are mailed by the gross to every man woman and child in North America, has been fired. Let's hope they sent him three dozen copies of the letter dismissing him.
And then when he goes out shopping he runs into a big display of his dismissal notices.
Brandt will take a new job distributing Chinese takeout menus in New
York City.
********
And finally.....
"... the attitude of the United States of America is a threat to world peace."-- Nelson Mandela
Oh sure, just because Dick Cheney opposed his release from apartheid enslavement, Mandela now thinks it's his right to criticize the United States through use of facts.
Consider his remarks in a Newsweek interview: ".... what [America] is saying is that if you are afraid of a veto in the Security Council, you can go outside and take action and violate the sovereignty of other countries. That is the message they are sending to the world. That must be condemned in the strongest terms. And you will notice that France, Germany Russia, China are against this decision. It is clearly a decision that is motivated by George W. Bush's desire to please the arms and oil industries in the United States of America." And then more facts:" ..Scott Ritter, a former United Nations arms inspector who is in Baghdad, has said that there is no evidence whatsoever of [development of weapons of] mass destruction. Neither Bush nor [British Prime Minister] Tony Blair has provided any evidence that such weapons exist. But what we know is that Israel has weapons of mass destruction. Nobody talks about that. Why should there be one standard for one country, especially because it is black, and another one for another country, Israel, that is white?" Same old Nelson Mandela, speaking up with facts to back up his agenda of holding everyone to the same standard. A leopard doesn't change his spots. Just because he has more moral authority in the fingernail of his right pinky than is possessed by the entire Bush family or anyone now (or formerly) serving it, he has to go around raising his voice, showing off how truthful he can be. You know what Mandela is? UnAmerican!
2002 Barry Crimmins
http://www.barrycrimmins.com
*******
From the Desk of America, the Carnivorous Dear Loved One of Victim(s) of the September 11, 2001 Terrorist Attack on the World Trade Center: Please don't make any plans for the first anniversary of the massacre of your dearly departed because we have an exciting day scheduled just for you! Wear comfortable shoes! Here's what we're going to do: Bring you back to the pit that now marks the scene of the crime! Give you a ringside seat as we lengthen the Valley of the Shadow of Death and turn it into a made-for TV carnival, starring YOU!! Make you sit through an endless ceremony! (The kids/orphans will love it!)
Retraumatize you by making sure there is a heavily armed, militaristic vibe at all times! PLEASE NOTE: After the ceremony, you'll be expected to mill around for several more hours as you wait to have your picture taken with the trained chimp whose negligence and stupidity were essential elements in the success of the crime committed against your loved one! Please depart promptly after your photo is taken because we have to have the area cleared by 9PM so that NBC's Fear Factor can shoot a very special Ground Zero edition. Please accept our gratitude for complying with this assault on your privacy and dignity.
With warmest regards, America, the Carnivorous
PS- Thank goodness you are still in shock or you would be much more difficult to exploit!
###
Nice speech Bush gave to the UN yesterday. Now I get it-- if we don't have a war, Saddam will continue to threaten the peace.
So what we do is eliminate peace so Saddam has nothing to threaten.
In the speech, the court-appointed prez named Saddam Hussein as Public
Enemy Number One but that might have been because W can only count that high.
In the UN speech, the two key words Dubyahoo uttered were "economic freedom." Because that is what he believes is worth fighting for (OK,worth having others fight for) the economic freedom fat cats will be afforded after they recolonize the world's second largest oil reserve.
Bush said if Hussein isn't ousted "the attacks of Sept. 11 would be a prelude to far greater horrors." It would have to be some pretty bad stuff if it wants to compete with the greater horrors the Court-appointed Bush Administration has already committed in the name of anti-terroism.
Here's what the New York Times now calls migrant workers: guest workers. Are we supposed to put out special towels and soaps and prepare hors d'oeuvres before they arrive?
Sadly, what they really do is cram horribly underpaid migrants into bad living conditions and make them travel in overcrowded vans like the one that plunged off a bridge in Maine yesterday. 14 "guests" from Guatemala and Honduras died in the plunge.
Suggested listening:Deportees by Woody Guthrie.
The crash occurred on a huge tract owned by Seven Islands Land Company
The migrants were working for subcontractor Evergreen Forestry. The general manager of Evergreen, Peter Smith, said the company was still trying to determine whether the van and the workers were connected to Evergreen. Right, and if Evergreen is connected the next thing they will try to determine will be how to cut any ties to the people who died as a result of Evergreen corporate negligence.
Does Evergreen Forestry expect us to believe that migrant workers from Central America, found their way to a desolate part of Maine just because they had an abiding desire to clear dense brush?
What do you bet that the Seven "Islands" in the land company's name include Europe, Asia, Africa, Australia, North and South America and, of course, Martha's Vineyard.
The Miss America Pageant has disqualified Rebekah Revels of North Carolina because her ex-boyfriend has alleged that she has breasts.Scandalous as the thought of a Miss America with breasts might seem,this shouldn't matter. So long as she has an eating disorder, she should be allowed to participate.
Heartwarming news from AOL: Jan Brandt, the vermin behind those AOL discs that are mailed by the gross to every man woman and child in North America, has been fired. Let's hope they sent him three dozen copies of the letter dismissing him.
And then when he goes out shopping he runs into a big display of his dismissal notices.
Brandt will take a new job distributing Chinese takeout menus in New
York City.
********
And finally.....
"... the attitude of the United States of America is a threat to world peace."-- Nelson Mandela
Oh sure, just because Dick Cheney opposed his release from apartheid enslavement, Mandela now thinks it's his right to criticize the United States through use of facts.
Consider his remarks in a Newsweek interview: ".... what [America] is saying is that if you are afraid of a veto in the Security Council, you can go outside and take action and violate the sovereignty of other countries. That is the message they are sending to the world. That must be condemned in the strongest terms. And you will notice that France, Germany Russia, China are against this decision. It is clearly a decision that is motivated by George W. Bush's desire to please the arms and oil industries in the United States of America." And then more facts:" ..Scott Ritter, a former United Nations arms inspector who is in Baghdad, has said that there is no evidence whatsoever of [development of weapons of] mass destruction. Neither Bush nor [British Prime Minister] Tony Blair has provided any evidence that such weapons exist. But what we know is that Israel has weapons of mass destruction. Nobody talks about that. Why should there be one standard for one country, especially because it is black, and another one for another country, Israel, that is white?" Same old Nelson Mandela, speaking up with facts to back up his agenda of holding everyone to the same standard. A leopard doesn't change his spots. Just because he has more moral authority in the fingernail of his right pinky than is possessed by the entire Bush family or anyone now (or formerly) serving it, he has to go around raising his voice, showing off how truthful he can be. You know what Mandela is? UnAmerican!
2002 Barry Crimmins