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Barry Crimmins

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CrimQuips 9-3-02 Tuesday, September 3, 2002

by Barry Crimmins

http://www.barrycrimmins.com

WalMart was open on the holiday but it did offer "Slave Labor Day" specials.

Court-appointed Bush policy: Steal the butter and then use the guns to distract people from the theft.

We have a poor excuse for a president offering a poor excuse for a war.

The Court-appointed Bush Administration figures that since its preemptive strike on the Bill of Rights worked, why not Iraq?

CBS is planning to do a "reality show version of the Beverly Hillbillies." Hey, if we wanted to see a family living in a mansion in which it obviously does not belong, we'd have elected George W. Bush in the first place.

The other night, as I listened to Dennis Miller compare sparing Iraq of unilateral assault with Neville Chamberlin's acquiescence to Hitler, I was relieved to realize that the last of his intelligent writers must have finally escaped.

So we are to believe Saddam is in the same position today that Hitler was in 1939? Oh sure, and if Dennis Miller isn't stopped he'll become the next Will Rogers.

I suppose Miller's Iraq comments were inevitable -- two years on Monday Night Football gave him plenty of practice making public pronouncements about things of which he knew nothing.

Now that he's done with NBC and Tribune Broadcasting and ABC and HBO, Miller is apparently auditioning for a spot on FOX News.

Saddam Hussein is a thug and a blight on humanity but if anyone "needs to be stopped" it's George W Bush and his preemptive strikes on human rights and the environment.

To listen to idiotic comparisons between Saddam and Hitler, you'd think it was Hussein who runs the military superpower that has troops stomping all over the globe while exhibiting callous disregard for the opinion of the international community.

Henry Kissinger now says he's certain Saddam has chemical weapons. Apparently he dug through the Kissinger & Associates files and found a receipt.

If the Bushcists take over Iraq, Saudi Arabia will pine for the day when Saddam was its most worrisome neighbor.

Face the facts, if Bush doesn't occupy Iraq he'll have a lot less oil to pump through Afghanistan.

The next time the Carlyle Group updates its website, Afghanistan will be listed as a subsidiary.

Afghan Chamber of Commerce slogan: Afghanistan -- Pathway of Pipelines/ Puppet of Profiteers

Did You Know? GOP Chairman Marc "Racicot's" last name is actually pronounced "Rat-shit."

MEDIA NOTE: Number of Palestinians killed by Israeli troops in three days last week: 14. Number of New York Times e-mail alerts about the killings: 0.

Introducing the court-appointed prez at a Pittsburgh Labor Day gathering, United Brotherhood of Carpenters President Douglas J. McCarron, hailed Bush's "integrity and concern for workers." Right, particularly those workers who run sellout unions like the United Brotherhood of Carpenters, which broke from the AFL-CIO so that its members could dominate worksites and steal jobs from other unions by accepting essentially lowball wages for various trades that have nothing to do with carpentry.

At this point, the only thing the United Brotherhood of Carpenters can be trusted to construct is a plot to destroy working families.

TRUE FACTS: According to CBS radio White House correspondent Mark Knoller: since (literally) taking office, George W. Bush has spent 123 days at Camp David, 113 days at his Texas ranch and 12 days in Kennebunkport. So he has spent 42% of his presidency at vacation locales. I guess now that he's brought so damned much integrity back to Washington, he's understandably uncomfortable there.

When they were handing out the Protestant work ethic, W was at the crackhouse committing youthful indiscretions.

updated: 17 years ago