CrimQuips
CrimQuips 9-17-02 Tuesday, September 17, 2002
Commentary by Barry Crimmins
http:www.barrycrimmins.com
Congratulations to Kaiser Ashcroft for his courageous work cutting off the supply of California medical marijuana before it could reach Florida halfway houses and fall into the hands of unsuspecting Bush children.
After all, how significant is the suffering of cancer patients when the well-being of children of privilege hangs in the balance? What do you bet that Jeb Bush's repeat offender daughter will be permitted to vote this November?
And I repeat, I have nothing against Jeb's daughter (and I refuse to drag her name into this). If he were my father, I'd be wearing a morphine patch.
But then, if she were poor the only debate over her would be whether she should be given the possibility of parole.
Iraq has agreed to allow U.N. weapons inspectors to return and resume their investigations. Soon the Court-appointed Bush Administration will explain to us why this only proves that Saddam is an even graver threat than ever.
Nope, W sure won't fall for the old "let the weapons inspectors in" gambit.
There's nothing Bush despises more than sneak attacks of reason.
Those weapons inspectors will be in great danger. Once they're in Iraq if the CIA spots even the slightest chance to off them, they'll be terminated faster than you can say "Archduke Ferdinand."
And then Bush will have his war -- under the guise of rescue mission.
Most people have "to-do" lists, W has a "to undo" list. Undo world peace; undo environmental gains, undo the separation of church and state; undo domestic civil liberties, undo any sympathy the world had towards post-9-11 America, undo our economic well-being; undo what few barriers there were between corporations and unchecked control of the U.S. government....
Suggested campaign slogan for CRAP (Committee to ReAppoint the President): George W. Bush -- Our National Undoing!
Some things aren't better left undone and the Court-appointed Bush Administration has an unerring ability to get out there and undo them.
In fact, due to undue influence, the White House has become nothing more than a litter box for fat cats.
In Ashcroft's office hangs a poster of the Bill of Rights that's headed: "Just Undo It."
Of course the Second Amendment is missing from the Kaiser's poster.
Colombia is taking giant goosesteps towards Bushcism with the institution of warrantless searches and "Zones of Rehabilitation and Consolidation" or areas of the country that are under full military control and where foreigners are not permitted to travel. Sort of like Florida is for Muslims.
And would-be voters.
I feel so sorry for those American citizen Muslim doctors who got detained after eating at Shoney's. You see, I've eaten at Shoney's.
While the doctors were being questioned about their alleged terrorist plot, the cops dangled Maalox in front of them but would only give it to them if they agreed to sign a confession.
Three doctors discuss bringing a car down to Florida and they close an interstate and hunt them as if they were Dr. Robert J. Goldstein Goldstein, the Florida man who was arrested for possessing enough explosives to blow up every Shoney's on Alligator Alley.
Actually Goldstein was treated as a much less grave threat than the AMERICAN CITIZEN DOCTORS. But then he only had a basement full of explosives, it wasn't like he had spooked an ignoramus or anything.
Paula Zahn made a preemptive strike on her own credibility when she told her CNN audience that the doctors were headed for Florida's Turkey Point Nuclear Waste Production Facility, which they planned to blow up.
Did anyone even bother to ask why alleged Middle Eastern terrorists would be sitting in a Florida restaurant discussing an imminent attack -- IN ENGLISH?
You know what is terrorism? Terrorism is when some latter day Gladys Kravitz can lift her head from the pancake trough at Shoney's just long enough to racially profile some innocent people. Then, on her word alone, an entire state is inconvenienced and the victims of her bigoted assessment get put in the crosshairs of every redneck cop in Florida.
It used to be bad enough when only cops racially profiled people but now we are all expected to do so as part of the War on Terrorism effort.
Take a Bite Out of Civil Liberties -- Join Your Neighborhood Race Watch!
Shoney's vigilante Eunice Stone still maintaining that she got the story right and says she would do it again. It's time for her to discover the wonders of takeout food because clearly this daughter of Georgia is incapable of adjusting to the integrated dining experience.
You really have to wonder about a country that's so gullible it will stop the presses and interstate traffic on the word of a woman who should only be seen on television if Jerry Springer relocates from Chicago to Atlanta.
Of course Eunice Stone was discreet and collected compared to the electronic media, which nearly forced an evacuation of Miami as the interns approached.
As they approached Miami, those doctors received more advance negative publicity than did Hurricane Andrew.
I used to wonder who bought those idiotic products hawked on infomercials but not any more. They are bought by fools like the Georgia woman, not to mention Paula Zahn.
In other words, the same people who buy Bush's pitiful rationales for attacking Iraq.
We could get more accurate news by sitting around a campfire and forwarding stories from person to person by whispering in each others ears than we can by listening to Paula Zahn.
In fairness, those doctors had to be stopped before they could denounce their US citizenship, go to Iraq and treat all the civilian victims of the looming US assault.
You know what's even scarier than ignorant people like the vigilante lady at Shoney's? George W. Bush saying "Noo- CUE- lerr" about thirty times to the United Nations General Assembly.
When Bush speaks at the UN, they have to add an entire new layer of interpreters, just to get W remarks translated into English.
American business has stolen so much money from itself that it can no longer afford luxuries -- like employees.
If it really did have a sleeper cell in the Buffalo suburb of Lackawana, you have to give Al Qaeda credit. For one thing it is the perfect place to practice terrorism -- they could blow up all sorts of things in the Buffalo area and it could go undetected for years.
It's a good thing the feds got to the alleged sleeper cell now, before the entire city goes undercover until at least April -- about 100 inches undercover.
Funny how the Buffalo roundup came right on the heels of the Florida debacle -- because if we had a chance to think over the mob mentality that swept the media and Florida after Gladys Kravitz blabbed, people might have had to consider how insane things have become. But the well-timed and super-hyped Lackawana bust allowed the Bushists a preemptive strike on calm and sane reflection.
© 2002 Barry Crimmins
http:www.barrycrimmins.com
Congratulations to Kaiser Ashcroft for his courageous work cutting off the supply of California medical marijuana before it could reach Florida halfway houses and fall into the hands of unsuspecting Bush children.
After all, how significant is the suffering of cancer patients when the well-being of children of privilege hangs in the balance? What do you bet that Jeb Bush's repeat offender daughter will be permitted to vote this November?
And I repeat, I have nothing against Jeb's daughter (and I refuse to drag her name into this). If he were my father, I'd be wearing a morphine patch.
But then, if she were poor the only debate over her would be whether she should be given the possibility of parole.
Iraq has agreed to allow U.N. weapons inspectors to return and resume their investigations. Soon the Court-appointed Bush Administration will explain to us why this only proves that Saddam is an even graver threat than ever.
Nope, W sure won't fall for the old "let the weapons inspectors in" gambit.
There's nothing Bush despises more than sneak attacks of reason.
Those weapons inspectors will be in great danger. Once they're in Iraq if the CIA spots even the slightest chance to off them, they'll be terminated faster than you can say "Archduke Ferdinand."
And then Bush will have his war -- under the guise of rescue mission.
Most people have "to-do" lists, W has a "to undo" list. Undo world peace; undo environmental gains, undo the separation of church and state; undo domestic civil liberties, undo any sympathy the world had towards post-9-11 America, undo our economic well-being; undo what few barriers there were between corporations and unchecked control of the U.S. government....
Suggested campaign slogan for CRAP (Committee to ReAppoint the President): George W. Bush -- Our National Undoing!
Some things aren't better left undone and the Court-appointed Bush Administration has an unerring ability to get out there and undo them.
In fact, due to undue influence, the White House has become nothing more than a litter box for fat cats.
In Ashcroft's office hangs a poster of the Bill of Rights that's headed: "Just Undo It."
Of course the Second Amendment is missing from the Kaiser's poster.
Colombia is taking giant goosesteps towards Bushcism with the institution of warrantless searches and "Zones of Rehabilitation and Consolidation" or areas of the country that are under full military control and where foreigners are not permitted to travel. Sort of like Florida is for Muslims.
And would-be voters.
I feel so sorry for those American citizen Muslim doctors who got detained after eating at Shoney's. You see, I've eaten at Shoney's.
While the doctors were being questioned about their alleged terrorist plot, the cops dangled Maalox in front of them but would only give it to them if they agreed to sign a confession.
Three doctors discuss bringing a car down to Florida and they close an interstate and hunt them as if they were Dr. Robert J. Goldstein Goldstein, the Florida man who was arrested for possessing enough explosives to blow up every Shoney's on Alligator Alley.
Actually Goldstein was treated as a much less grave threat than the AMERICAN CITIZEN DOCTORS. But then he only had a basement full of explosives, it wasn't like he had spooked an ignoramus or anything.
Paula Zahn made a preemptive strike on her own credibility when she told her CNN audience that the doctors were headed for Florida's Turkey Point Nuclear Waste Production Facility, which they planned to blow up.
Did anyone even bother to ask why alleged Middle Eastern terrorists would be sitting in a Florida restaurant discussing an imminent attack -- IN ENGLISH?
You know what is terrorism? Terrorism is when some latter day Gladys Kravitz can lift her head from the pancake trough at Shoney's just long enough to racially profile some innocent people. Then, on her word alone, an entire state is inconvenienced and the victims of her bigoted assessment get put in the crosshairs of every redneck cop in Florida.
It used to be bad enough when only cops racially profiled people but now we are all expected to do so as part of the War on Terrorism effort.
Take a Bite Out of Civil Liberties -- Join Your Neighborhood Race Watch!
Shoney's vigilante Eunice Stone still maintaining that she got the story right and says she would do it again. It's time for her to discover the wonders of takeout food because clearly this daughter of Georgia is incapable of adjusting to the integrated dining experience.
You really have to wonder about a country that's so gullible it will stop the presses and interstate traffic on the word of a woman who should only be seen on television if Jerry Springer relocates from Chicago to Atlanta.
Of course Eunice Stone was discreet and collected compared to the electronic media, which nearly forced an evacuation of Miami as the interns approached.
As they approached Miami, those doctors received more advance negative publicity than did Hurricane Andrew.
I used to wonder who bought those idiotic products hawked on infomercials but not any more. They are bought by fools like the Georgia woman, not to mention Paula Zahn.
In other words, the same people who buy Bush's pitiful rationales for attacking Iraq.
We could get more accurate news by sitting around a campfire and forwarding stories from person to person by whispering in each others ears than we can by listening to Paula Zahn.
In fairness, those doctors had to be stopped before they could denounce their US citizenship, go to Iraq and treat all the civilian victims of the looming US assault.
You know what's even scarier than ignorant people like the vigilante lady at Shoney's? George W. Bush saying "Noo- CUE- lerr" about thirty times to the United Nations General Assembly.
When Bush speaks at the UN, they have to add an entire new layer of interpreters, just to get W remarks translated into English.
American business has stolen so much money from itself that it can no longer afford luxuries -- like employees.
If it really did have a sleeper cell in the Buffalo suburb of Lackawana, you have to give Al Qaeda credit. For one thing it is the perfect place to practice terrorism -- they could blow up all sorts of things in the Buffalo area and it could go undetected for years.
It's a good thing the feds got to the alleged sleeper cell now, before the entire city goes undercover until at least April -- about 100 inches undercover.
Funny how the Buffalo roundup came right on the heels of the Florida debacle -- because if we had a chance to think over the mob mentality that swept the media and Florida after Gladys Kravitz blabbed, people might have had to consider how insane things have become. But the well-timed and super-hyped Lackawana bust allowed the Bushists a preemptive strike on calm and sane reflection.
© 2002 Barry Crimmins