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Barry Crimmins

words to live near


political satirist Barry Crimmins

Saturday Fish Barrel Saturday, August 11, 2007

Saturday Fish Barrel

I'd like to see Hillary pull off this outfit...

Lloyd is taking a rest and Karen's home today so I thought I'd take some swipes at easy and obvious targets...

Mitt Romney's Mormon faith should have no bearing on his presidential chances.

If his 36 great-grandmothers were alive today, they'd tell you just that.

Romney's plan for mandatory health insurance for all citizens is catching fire.

I don't care if you're too sick to work, pay the premium or we will fine you!

Under Romney's plan we'll all be able to say we have health insurance.

Actually, we'll be forced to say it.

Except for those of us with laryngitis, who will be unable to speak because it won't be covered in any of the plans.

This is because laryngitis is an illness and Romney's cronies in the insurance rackets will be sure to get illnesses exempted from health insurance coverage.

Otherwise the health of the insurance companies bottom lines would be put at risk.

So Romney will work to reform health insurance so that it no longer has to cover illnesses, injuries and diseases.

Consumers would benefit because health insurance that doesn't cover illnesses. injuries and diseases will be much more affordable.

So it's a win-win!

Romney's membership in a misogynist cult should have no more bearing on the race than Rudy Giuliani's criminal cohorts or even the former PONY's (President Of New York's) proclivity for cross-dressing.

Let he who has not worn a jumper cast the first stone.

Considering how many wives he's gone through, if Giuliani's elected the day may come when Rudy will have to serve as his own First Lady.

He stands prepared to meet that challenge!

In fact he spends much of his spare time making sure he has just the right outfits should that moment arrive.

It's that kind of dedication to detail that would be the hallmark of a Giuliani presidency.

Well that and the police state tactics.

It's a brown shirt and a halter! Perfect for summertime fund-raisers!

If Giuliani's elected, when he names a cabinet he'll just beaccessorizing.

Tom Tancredo, Sam Brownback and Duncan Hunter are fighting hard for the nut vote, a crucial Republican demographic.

To settle matters once and for all, they'll meet in a debate sponsored by the League of Militia Voters to be held at a secret location in Idaho.

The debate will be called: The Great '08 GOP Whack-off.

Tancredo, Brownback and Hunter will debate in code and it will be broadcast on short-wave radio.

The most crucial question to be answered: will the cow the jump over the moon?