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Barry Crimmins

words to live near


political satirist Barry Crimmins

Sir! Bah Humbug! Sir! Monday, December 24, 2007

Sir Bah Humbug Sir

CNN Pentagon bureau chief Barbara Starr

The cable news networks are stretched to their absolute limits today, covering both holiday shopping and travel! At CNN they even squeezed in their Chief Pentagon Apologist Barbara Starr (you know her, she 's the one with a face that warns: don't lie or you'll end up looking like this) filing her annual report concerning  NORAD's heartwarming 'tracking' of Santa's Christmas Eve journey. (He's currently over Australia!). What a charming way for the military to endear itself to impressionable children it can't start openly recruiting until junior high school.

Starr told us the military was tracking the "intruder" but she assured us that Santa's movements would only be monitored. How magnanimous of Pentagon brass not to scramble jets to shoot down St. Nick! Do we ever stop benefiting from a strong military? God bless us, every one!

As soon as kids get a little older, and in on the joke, they're meant to feel warm and fuzzy about the military-industrial complex humanitarians who helped make their first Christmas experiences so special! There's nowhere safe from infestation by the military. It kicks in our doors at Christmas. It prowls our schools and streets, grooming children,  just like other child predators, in hopes of finding those who are likely to succumb to their hustle. They kidnap Santa and hide behind him and if you call them on it, you're the Scrooge. Well how many families are missing members this night before Christmas because, years ago, those members were groomed to become cannon fodder by a military that is always looking for any chance to further insinuate itself into our lives?

So please emphasize peace on earth by protecting your kids from warmongers -- especially at the time when we're supposedly celebrating the birth of the Prince of Peace.

I wish I could find James Wolcott's e-mail address so that I could send him a proper thank you for the Christmas Valentine he sent via his celebrated blog on the Vanity Fair website. Some weeks back he linked to my post about Lu getting her head stuck in a jar, drolly labeling it the greatest story ever told. Then last Friday he excerpted some of my writing and linked to three of my posts to make a Christmas point. I am flattered, flabbergasted and most grateful.

Reading further in Wolcott's blog, my old pal, Narco News genius Al Giordano, receives deserved praise and note. Al has redirected his focus north of the border to cover the American presidential race in The Field. The December arrival of Al's new project provides the best fix on the presidential horse race that's about to trample all of us.

I'll be sharing the holiday with my three brilliant and beautiful girls: Karen, Lettie and Lu. Lucky Me!

On this special evening, here's hoping that whatever you do or don't celebrate, that you understand how much I appreciate your taking the time to visit this website. This year I've heard from so many of you from every corner of the world. Your outpouring of kindness when Lloyd the Dog fell ill and then passed away really helped Karen and me during those terribly sad and difficult days. Now I'm hearing many kind words from many of you concerning my health. These thoughtful messages are in addition to hundreds of notes I receive concerning the day-to-day events and issues I discuss on this blog. All of your messages are appreciated as is your every visit to Thanks so much and sincere wishes of peace and prosperity go out to each of you.

I'd also like to thank my friend Tom Duffy, the genius behind the ever witty and pertinent Garlic. I swear Tom spends more time promoting my site than his own. He demonstrates holiday generosity all year long and always seems to be shopping for me. Thanks, pal.

Then there's Red State Son Dennis Perrin, who has redirected torrents of readers my way again and again for the past few years. Perrin's sharp sense of humor, fidelity to the truth, and talents as a writer combine to make him essential and wonderful reading.

Trisha McCormick continues to lead an artful life despite the loss of her beloved partner in crimes against inhumanity, Johnny Cunningham. Johnny was an immense talent, legendary larger-than -life bon vivant and (lucky me) friend of mine. Trisha honored me with the opportunity to remember Johnny on his memorial website on the fourth anniversary of his passing. I discussed the Jagged Path upon which we trod  on many an occasion. I can't think of a better spirit to recall on Christmas Eve than Johnny Cunningham. Thanks  so  much, Trisha!

Year after year, Bart of link, sings my praises on his enormously popular site. Bart is a Democrat in Oklahoma, which means his neighbors think his website caters to gay Trotskyites. He sasses authority with the joy of a kid in middle school. Lucky us.

Day after day, John Joslin listens to my caterwauling and helps distill it into what you end up reading here.  Today he receives double thanks and good wishes because Christmas Eve is his birthday.
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And there are about a million more who deserve individual thanks including: Peggy Hooe, M.J. Smith, Lana Lawrence, Chris Hoffman, Carl Ginsberg and Helen Demeranville, Charlie Ray, Barb and Bob Ingalls. some guy named Bobcat, Kevin and Pegge Bochynski, Jim and Catherine Infantino, Kaveen and Casey, Mike Donovan, Lainie Schulbaum and Scott Dakota, Ben Joplin. Michael Heaton, Tippy under the stars, Bill Morrissey, Paul Krassner,  Garry Goodrow, Danny Vitale, Kevin Mackey, Randall Credico, Steve Kohlreiter, Jonathan and Geri Jacobs, Bill Rizzi, Ken Greenfield, John and Katherine Cook, Cindy Sheehan, Mark and Laura Sommer, The Nicholson-Wilds of Buffalo, James Delos Huxford, Paul Fleig, Ian Baston, E.M. Olson, Brent and Robin Gillette, Carol Castiglione, A. Whitney Brown, Jack and Jean Gallagher, James Go to the attic Tingle and of course, those I senselessly omitted from this list. Love and thanks to all, Merry Holidays!

updated: 15 years ago