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Barry Crimmins

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political satirist Barry Crimmins

Humvee crisis grips USA! Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Humvee crisis grips USA

We've already lost the Hummer H-1, if this strike continues, more could go!

Puppies and fall chores (mostly firewood preparation and stacking) conspired to keep me from posting for a few days. Friday night I went to a cultural event I shall be reporting upon very soon. For now, some comments on... well, you'll see...

You have to give GM credit-- it's brilliant to make sure it's manufacturing a complete line of products no one wants before leaving its workers no choice but to strike.

Face the facts, no one is desperately demanding that GM keep its buggy whip factories running around the clock.

Considering its employees are some of the only people who buy its leviathons, GM has a vehicle inventory that should hold up for roughly seven years.

After its own workers, GM's next biggest customer base consists of men who have no need for huge trucks but buy them anyway, followed by frat boys who buy 4x4's with the special "keg-holder" package.

After GM sells off its inventory, its executives will just have to live off pension funds -- pension funds of the actual workers of course. There's no way GM execs will ever touch their own reserves. They're not that irresponsible!

Remember this: the line employees at GM aren't the morons who said, 'OK let's make an SUV that's too large to parallel park on the remaining Arctic ice mass.'
No, it's management that deserves credit there..

These are the same geniuses who are claiming that it's "green" to drive ethanol/foodmobiles.

I guarantee we'll start seeing ads for GM saying: We still have a good selection of vehicles! But come in now because or you'll miss the chance to buy an SUV large enough to transport all the remaining members of the United Auto Workers from one locked down plant to the next!

Buy one now and get a special pro-military magnetic ribbon. What better way to show your support for our troops than to drive your own troop carrier!

The war effort could be paralyzed by this strike. Vital Humvee production has ceased. On the upside, since vital Humvee production has ceased there is much less need for the war.

Don't believe me? Ask Chairman Greenspan.

CNN "covered" the strike this morning by taking a comment of a striker saying "we don't want to be out here" out of context. What the worker was saying was we don't want to be out here but we were left no choice. Then CNN continued its expanded coverage by neither mentioning health care nor pensions in its coverage.

Wait, some idiot is speaking to the UN, I feel obliged to listen.

OK, I'm back -- I lasted six minutes and forty seconds. I think that's a new duration record for a sane person listening to Dubyahoo.

He's clearly pushing insecticides and pharmaceuticals, two industries that sometimes get neglected while he does so much for the military-industrial complex.

updated: 14 years ago