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Barry Crimmins

words to live near


political satirist Barry Crimmins

Exclusive Giulliani plot transcript Saturday, October 27, 2007

Exclusive Giulliani plot transcript

The crafty Giuliani employs ingenious disguises to throw assassins off his trail

Exclusive transcript: According to media reports, Rudolph Giuliani  was spared assassination by the mob on a close decision. Three of five New York crime families voted against whacking Rudy Giuliani in the 80's.

Rumor has it that the Republican presidential front-runner was spared when Bernard Kerik cast the tie-breaking vote in his favor.

Giuliani, never afraid to show gratitude, has taken good care of Kerik ever since.

According to a wiretap transcript, exclusively obtained by, the assassination was hotly debated by high-ranking gangsters:

Mobster 1: Where does it say that you can't kill a prosecutor?

Mobster 2: Come on,  (name redacted)...

Mobster 1: (Name redacted), wait a minute. I'm talking about a prosecutor -- that's mixed up in  railroading people on phony drug charges  I'm talking about ah - ah - a dishonest prosecutor -- a crooked prosecutor who got mixed up in the rackets and got what was coming to him. That's a terrific story. And we have newspaper people on the payroll, don't we, (name redacted)? And they might like a story like that.

Mobster 2: They might, they just might...

Mobster 1: It's not personal, (name redacted). It's strictly business.


So there you have it, Rudy Giuliani isn't just reviled by decent citizens!

updated: 15 years ago