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Barry Crimmins

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political satirist Barry Crimmins

Exclusive Giulliani plot transcript Saturday, October 27, 2007

Exclusive Giulliani plot transcript

The crafty Giuliani employs ingenious disguises to throw assassins off his trail

Exclusive transcript: According to media reports, Rudolph Giuliani  was spared assassination by the mob on a close decision. Three of five New York crime families voted against whacking Rudy Giuliani in the 80's.

Rumor has it that the Republican presidential front-runner was spared when Bernard Kerik cast the tie-breaking vote in his favor.

Giuliani, never afraid to show gratitude, has taken good care of Kerik ever since.

According to a wiretap transcript, exclusively obtained by barrycrimmins.com, the assassination was hotly debated by high-ranking gangsters:

Mobster 1: Where does it say that you can't kill a prosecutor?

Mobster 2: Come on,  (name redacted)...

Mobster 1: (Name redacted), wait a minute. I'm talking about a prosecutor -- that's mixed up in  railroading people on phony drug charges  I'm talking about ah - ah - a dishonest prosecutor -- a crooked prosecutor who got mixed up in the rackets and got what was coming to him. That's a terrific story. And we have newspaper people on the payroll, don't we, (name redacted)? And they might like a story like that.

Mobster 2: They might, they just might...

Mobster 1: It's not personal, (name redacted). It's strictly business.


END OF TRANSCRIPT

So there you have it, Rudy Giuliani isn't just reviled by decent citizens!

updated: 14 years ago