political satirist Barry Crimmins
It's never too late for fantasy! Monday, October 15, 2007
Above- Blackie at surprise welcome ceremony for campers
Below- As a youngster, Blackie quickly learned about the persuasive power of corporal punishment
You haven't indulged yourself in every possible way until you've attended:
Burton "Blackie" Halliwater's Fatcat Fantasy Detention Camp
The Getaway so exclusive, no one can find it!
That's right, renowned former Navy OTTER, munitions dealer, soldier of fortune and private security firm founder Burton "Blackie" Halliwater asks: If you're morally OK with it, why not come play with it?
No registration required, we already have a file on you!
Date: To be determined by us
Location: Disclosed only on a 'need to know' basis
Transportation: Provided by Extraordinary Renditions of McLean, Va.
Accommodations: Provided by Gulag, Brown and Root
Price: No charge to enter, negotiable fee for departure
How it works: Upon arrival, you'll be assigned to one of two teams the Widus or the Aginus. (Note: membership on the Widus team is recommended and available for an additional fee)
The Widus will be trained by the best and dankest interrogation specialists and torture apologists from both the public and private sectors!
Including confirmed appearances by:
Alberto Gonzales: Former Attorney General of the President of The United States
Scooter Libby: Commuted convicted felon, expert fallguy
Donald Rumsfeld: Retired Finest Ever Secretary of Defense
John Negroponte: Fatherland Security Czar Central American Operations chief -- Iran/Contra Affair
Elliot Abrams: State Dept. Operative/ Democracy elimination expert
Joe Lieberman: US Senator/Mossad Operative
Jimmy Jeff Gannon-Guckert: Military Eroticism Expert
( NOTE: Gannon Guckert will be giving a seminar titled: Heated metal enemas and the balky captive)
Bernard Kerrik: Mobbed-up convicted felon, former New York City Police Commissioner, close personal friend of Rudolph Giuliani
Special Satellite Appearance by Ann Coulter - every five minutes until participants truly understand the nature of torture
And many, many more!
Aginus campers will be used in special seminars on sexual humiliation, human rights offense porn production, and spotting and detaining enemy combatants in your everyday life
Blackie's Deluxe Rendition includes:
Reenactment of scenes from the FOX-TV hit 24 using live munitions and prisoners!
Equipped only with a waterboard, some pink panties, two glow-sticks and a testicular electrification kit; you'll be given exactly ten minutes to get a 'terrorist' to divulge the location of a ticking time bomb or your bunkmates get blown to smithereens!
Super Deluxe Rendition includes participation in official Congressional Dog and Pony Show with visiting senators (Senator Mitch McConnell and Rick Santorum as the pony already confirmed!)
All campers will receive a complimentary bottle of Dick Cheney sunscreen.
Easy access to lawyers -- they're in the adjoining cellblock!
Come peacefully or we will bring you in!
THE CAMPERS SPEAK:
It was the finest experience of my life...now please, make it stop! MAKE IT STOP! Camper #66401
PLEASE! PLEASE! JUST KILL ME NOW!- Camper #52378
Not my ass. FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST, NOT MY ASS! --The Late Camper # 35647
Ask about Our Red Cross Holiday package!
That's Burton "Blackie" Halliwater's Fatcat Fantasy Detention Camp
You'll be on your way before you know it!
Burton "Blackie" Halliwater's Fatcat Fantasy Detention Camp
The Getaway so exclusive, no one can find it!
That's right, renowned former Navy OTTER, munitions dealer, soldier of fortune and private security firm founder Burton "Blackie" Halliwater asks: If you're morally OK with it, why not come play with it?
No registration required, we already have a file on you!
Date: To be determined by us
Location: Disclosed only on a 'need to know' basis
Transportation: Provided by Extraordinary Renditions of McLean, Va.
Accommodations: Provided by Gulag, Brown and Root
Price: No charge to enter, negotiable fee for departure
How it works: Upon arrival, you'll be assigned to one of two teams the Widus or the Aginus. (Note: membership on the Widus team is recommended and available for an additional fee)
The Widus will be trained by the best and dankest interrogation specialists and torture apologists from both the public and private sectors!
Including confirmed appearances by:
Alberto Gonzales: Former Attorney General of the President of The United States
Scooter Libby: Commuted convicted felon, expert fallguy
Donald Rumsfeld: Retired Finest Ever Secretary of Defense
John Negroponte: Fatherland Security Czar Central American Operations chief -- Iran/Contra Affair
Elliot Abrams: State Dept. Operative/ Democracy elimination expert
Joe Lieberman: US Senator/Mossad Operative
Jimmy Jeff Gannon-Guckert: Military Eroticism Expert
( NOTE: Gannon Guckert will be giving a seminar titled: Heated metal enemas and the balky captive)
Bernard Kerrik: Mobbed-up convicted felon, former New York City Police Commissioner, close personal friend of Rudolph Giuliani
Special Satellite Appearance by Ann Coulter - every five minutes until participants truly understand the nature of torture
And many, many more!
Aginus campers will be used in special seminars on sexual humiliation, human rights offense porn production, and spotting and detaining enemy combatants in your everyday life
Blackie's Deluxe Rendition includes:
Reenactment of scenes from the FOX-TV hit 24 using live munitions and prisoners!
Equipped only with a waterboard, some pink panties, two glow-sticks and a testicular electrification kit; you'll be given exactly ten minutes to get a 'terrorist' to divulge the location of a ticking time bomb or your bunkmates get blown to smithereens!
Super Deluxe Rendition includes participation in official Congressional Dog and Pony Show with visiting senators (Senator Mitch McConnell and Rick Santorum as the pony already confirmed!)
All campers will receive a complimentary bottle of Dick Cheney sunscreen.
Easy access to lawyers -- they're in the adjoining cellblock!
Come peacefully or we will bring you in!
THE CAMPERS SPEAK:
It was the finest experience of my life...now please, make it stop! MAKE IT STOP! Camper #66401
PLEASE! PLEASE! JUST KILL ME NOW!- Camper #52378
Not my ass. FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST, NOT MY ASS! --The Late Camper # 35647
Ask about Our Red Cross Holiday package!
That's Burton "Blackie" Halliwater's Fatcat Fantasy Detention Camp
You'll be on your way before you know it!
